This weekened provided a healthy smorgasborg of meaningless games and less meaningless games. While Real Madrid devoured the Toronto Bluejays, Chelsea squared off with Manchested United in the blue cross-blue shield cup final. The winner did not win the Stanley Cup, but rather an upgrade for their dental insurance.
Enough text, because a picture says so much more.
In the Americas…
The growing contingent of Madrid fans secretly praying for Raul to curl up into a ball and cry himself to death will be none too placated. The “eterno siete” scored two first half goals, one off a delightful turn and the other a composed header.
While Raul’s pre-season form is encouraging, his remarks raise questions. When asked about his relationship with the new coach, Raul struggled to recall Manuel Pellegrini’s name and referred to him simply as “el chileno.” “El chileno is afraid of me because he knows that I eat nails for breakfast.”
On the other hand, Karim Benzema showed a softside after a hard performance. The young French-Algerian notched a goal and an assist, yet obviously had trouble dealing with the pressures of being blanquillo. At the press conference, between sobs he muttered “I am not the next Zidane I am the next Zidane I am not the next Zidane” before an assistant coach led him away.
Meanwhile, Madrid fans welcomed the all-too-familiar sight of Pepe grimacing on the ground as the net rippled behind Iker Casillas. At the press conference, Pepe declared “the goal was not my fault because I was injured.” We know Pepe, we know.
Across the Pond…
Chelsea and Manchester United squared off at Wembley in the vaunted battle of the least unfit friendly known as the Community Shield. Both sides took the match very seriously, with both managers refraining from wholesale changes and Ancellotti starting the always preferred Ivanovic.
In the second half, Didier Drogba stole the show, consistently driving at United’s backline and setting up Frank Lampard for an ephemeral one goal lead. However, despite the eventual victory on penalty kicks, the Ivorian was a bit sore when asked about his atrocious haircut. His response was less than credible, and no, Didier, we do not believe Malouda made you do it.
Wayne Rooney spent most of the first half in a perplexed state, muttering to himself – “wait a second, that Portuguese chap is not Cristiano.” However, he did exquisitely finish a Giggs through ball. He also showed no remorse in the press conference, stating “You are not off-sides if the linesman’s flag is down.” Sadly, he declined to respond to the next query, which concerned the Kantian categorical imperative implications of his initial remark.
I am always sad that Drogba does rock the braids
I am not exactly sold on the Giggs or Rooney buzzcuts either. I know they just toured Asia and it was humid, but seriously the Unitas-look is so 1950