Spain v. Belgium – Player Ratings

Not everyone has great ideas all the time. That is simply too much to ask. For his genius in science, art, and engineering, DaVinci was a chronic procrastinator. The Spaniards likewise slept a siesta of a first half – but finally awoke to banish Belguim with inventive build-up play. Cuidado – la furia roja is back!

The Savior – David Villa

Davinci´s most revered work was The Last Supper, which was originally painted on the wall of a cafeteria. While sloppy joe stains were a serious concern, it was relocated to a museum at a serious price – the piece fit in perfectly with its surroundings, as if those eating in the cafeteria were eating with Christ.

David Villa missed a first half penalty, but once again overshadowed Fernando Torres and propelled Spain forward. Before half-time, his split pass set the table for David Silva. Shortly after the re-start, he cut inside and bent a delicious bouncing shot to the far corner. And then, in a toque de gracia, he squared for Pique to score.

Stupid Smirk – Fernando Torres

The world wants to know: why is Mona Lisa smiling? The answer is simple: because she is not Fernando Torres, thats why.

El Nino once again struggled to link into Spain´s intricate buildup play – un accustomed to four pass sequences and generally making a mess of easy chances. In the 47th minute, Capdevila crossed for his head, but, from four meters, el Nino headed firmly for the corner flag. Ugh.

A Brilliant Bridge Delayed – David Silva

Davinci was obsessed with the mighty power of water and innovated in hydrological tomfoolery. While his bridge concepts were ahead of their time, Istanbul eventually did construct his Golden Horn bridge. Just 400 years after the fact.

For all their pretty passing, the Spaniards have lacked a winger who can simply run at defenders. However, after a long injury lay-off, David Silva returned and his brilliant dribbling flowed like a hydraullically advanced bridge that is at least 400 years from construction. He also scored the opening goal with a well-timed run and clinical far post finish.

The Hovering Hawk – Carlos Puyol

Legend has it that a hawk hovered over Leonardo’s cradle, and he studied birds in the hopes of designing a flying machine. While not a practical success, his theoretical approach – a focus on wind resistance – set the stage of the Wright brothers later success.

Fellaini? Is that a Belgium clothing brand? Carlos Puyol prefers Dolce & Gabana. He also hovered the Belgium forward of Everton fame, swooping to intercept long-balls and sticking in the talons when necessary. Overall, a dominant performance from Mr. Catalunia.

The Certain Circulators – Xabi Alonso & Xavi

Leonardo cashed in his artistic reputation for a good cause: permission to dissect human bodies. Yeah, weird. Despite some cool drawings, Leonardo’s concept of circulation was a bit dated – he believed muscles pumped blood, not the heart.

Xabi Alonso provided the muscle while Xavi guided the circulation. Xabi rarely got his knees dirty, using his positioning and timing to bottle Belgium most of the game. And of course Xavi dished out enough passes to humble that annoying hall monitor from highschool who you superficially detested but secretly admired.

The Specimen – Joan Capdevila

Despite limits on functional explanations, DaVinci’s detailed drawings contributed greatly to the study of anatomy. He was the first to describe the double s form of the backbone. He also sketched the anatomically perfect man.

Joan Capdevila defended with aplomb, but his overlapping runs contributed immensely to the Spanish attack. On one such overlap, he created space for Villa´s first goal. The Furia Roja dominated the leftside due to his constant running and impressive touch.

The Fetus of Greatness to Be – Gerard Pique

Leonardo was also the first to scientifically draw a fetus in the “intrautero”, wherever that means.

Gerard Pirque is incubating a stellar career for the Spanish national team. He and Puyol tag-teamed Fellaini into submission, and he also scored a goal off a Villa pass. The finish was quintesentially azulgrana – a touch, a lifting of the head, and a rolling of the ball to the far corner.

Practically Worthless – Alvaro Arbeloa

Leonardo also took a fancy to designing war machines, and sketched designs for a musket, a tank, and a cannon. However, he never made a major contribution to the field of military science. Unlike Einstein.

Alvaro Arbeloa makes Sergio Ramos look competent. For much of the first half, Xavi switched fields to the wretched right back, who made ¨the other team pass¨look easy. Luckily, in the Xavi pass stopped looking towards that side of the field for inspiration.