Spanglish 104: Arbitrary Arbitroooo

Alright class, it has been brought to my attention from a group of cantankerous students that I have not taught you the darkest of arts- referee complaints. While normally I would bite my thumb at the mere hubris of a student requesting an addendum to my carefully planned curriculum, I realize my oversight has hindered a key aspect of pro soccer enjoyment.

First things first, the referee is the “arbitro.” No, this is not some multi-million dollar arbitration between multi-national corporations. Rather, it is an arbitration of sporting disputes between multi-million dollar athletes and their multi-billion dollar corporate owners and sponsors.

A foul is a “falta.” This is slightly more intuitive. Falta sounds like fault, and the arbitro will do one of three things when his eagle eyes spot a foul. He can pitar the foul. Pitar means “to whistle” or “to blow a whistle.” Pitar should not be confused with “pitillo,” a word the Spanish use for cigarette.

The referee can also cobrar the foul. Cobrar is a slippery word to translate, but echoes in similar regions as the word “charge.” Finally, in extreme cases, he can ortorgar a penalty kick. I really enjoy the word ortogar and us it whenever possible.

In South America, the name-calling of referees is an artform. Due to my PG-13 preferences, I will only mention a common refrain. Here is the context: you are watching your favorite team play in a clasico (derby) when the arbitro fails to otorgar a penalty kick. Blinded by rage, you stand to your feet, raise your right hand in anger, and shout “¡Arbitro comprado cuanto cobras!”

Lets break down that phrase. First, comprado means “purchased” or “bought.” Second, the phrase “cuanto cobras” means “how much do you charge?” Thus, we see hints of sarcasm as the question, how much do you charge, implies the referee can be sold and has no honor.

But wait a second. Is it that simple? ¡Claro que no! (Of course not!) On a spiritual level, you, the fan, by uttering that phrase, have fallen into a self-defeatist trap. You have accepted the rules of engagement, the corruption, the camino chueco (twisted path).

Thus, I prefer to shout “hijo de pulperia.” Hijo means “son/daughter”, de means “of,” and pulperia is a substitute for a certain four letter word which sounds like when “punta” when spoken by non-Native Spanish speakers. But don´t let that stop you from shouting it – the others can deduce what you wanted to say from the context.

And for the record, pulperia means “kiosk” in Central America. It is where you can buy your Flor de Caña, pitillos, huevos (eggs), papas fritas (potato chips), and gaseosa (soda pop).