Monthly Archives: November 2009

Recap: Chelsea v. Arsenal – A Maltese Falcon

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Hello Dollface

The doll came off as needy, hysterical, and a compulsive liar. But I’d always been a sucker for dark haired dames.

She had certainly selected a trendy enough spot, if you ignored the closed storefronts, that is. I felt like I was in a developer’s dream, but a banker had shaken him awake once the finances dried up. The still construction cranes  loomed ominously, waiting to either work or slowly descend piece-by-piece. The high-rise condos, with their open, vacant windows, had plenty light but very little light. She was in a drinking mood, not a talking one. By coincidence, so was I. Continue reading “Recap: Chelsea v. Arsenal – A Maltese Falcon” »

El Clasico Recap – Sodding Hallowed Ground

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Liga The Clasico of Spain ended in a 1-0 Catalan victory thanks to an Ibrahimovic medical textbook finish (Anatomy 101). Still, weeks after losing 4-0 to Acorn State, Madrid put forth a productive if not polished performance. The blanquillos played with incredible self-belief, making Thomas the train engine appear a manic depressed truck driver attending his tenth consecutive first NA meeting.

Still, despite the major roster and morale improvements, moral victories mean zero points on the table. Granted, a loss at the Nou Camp should not derail an impressive start to the season, but this was a match where Madrid needed little Ricky to shine. And little Ricky merely played the part of withdrawn striker, every pass to a teammate an abdication of the responsibilities that come with super human powers.

Still, the match opened up nicely after the first goal, and I dare say the breathtaking 1-0 classico was a religious experience. Continue reading “El Clasico Recap – Sodding Hallowed Ground” »

Junito: The Countdown to Greatness

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Pacifier

There comes a time in every man’s left where, no matter how atrociously he played a sport, he plays it even worse. He plays it so bad, and his knees ache so much, that the “I need the cardio” excuse no longer holds muster. But how can he stay involved in the sport in the flesh & blood? How can he distract himself at work with frivolous worries about Thursday night’s beer league game? Bless the Good Lord for sons & daughters.

This series, tentatively titled “Junito Conquers Europe, the World, and your Heart,” puts me in an odd place – writing about a topic in which I am incredibly emotionally invested. Granted, I love soccer and follow the sport quasi-religiously. Yes, I get moody when my hometown Wizards lose. But Junito, my son, is on a whole different plane. Please be kind in the comments, although constructive criticism is appreciated. I have great plans for Junito, and will need your help… Continue reading “Junito: The Countdown to Greatness” »

Rooney and a Series of Trite Football Cliches

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Rooooney

Wayne Rooney scored three goals against Portsmouth. And in honor of his hat-trick, we proudly present a series of wildly exaggerated sports cliches with little basis in reality.

Wayne Rooney is out of this world. Today, at 13:05 army time, the Space Shuttle Astronausus successfully launched into outer space from the Kennedy Space Center in Orlando, Florida. The forecast called for clear skies and plenty of sunlight, and a large crowd gathered for the launch. The Astronausus is on an extended two month mission to collect the dust particles of nearby passing comets. It is believed these minerals may hold a clue as to the Earth’s formation billions of years ago. Of the two astronauts aboard, Michael Hopkins and Wayne Rooney, Wayne has a young child and surely will be eager to set foot upon solid ground in 60 days time. We wish him the best of luck and a safe return trip. Continue reading “Rooney and a Series of Trite Football Cliches” »

The Xavi Interview – YOU be the judge

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We have this image in our minds of WAGs and expensive cars and shady “guys only” trips to Ibiza. But Xavi lives with his mom, probably in the same room and bed he has had since he rolled out of the cradle. The difference is, the wood bars no longer keep him. Does anyone else find this creepy? I’m not saying Psycho – this is no Bates motel. But, but… Continue reading “The Xavi Interview – YOU be the judge” »

Intermediate Spanglish 106: La Prueba

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Reading

Well, class, this is it. This is the moment of truth – I will finally see which of you rabblerousers have been prestando atencion (paying attention), and which ones have been skimming the text in hopes of cool videos. This is the ultima clase (last class) in your nascent Spanglish careers. Well, at least official class. I still promise some filthy spanglish from time-to-time, and with Dieguito going to South Africa, count on youtube updates by-the-minute. But still, the tears…the tears just aren´t coming.

Please keep your lapices (pencils) on your escritorios (desks) and refrain from beginning the prueba (exam) until time is called.  Scratch that – this is an open note, collaborative exam. Please post your answer in the comments section for everyone else to see. But beware – wrong answers will be ridiculed. Continue reading “Intermediate Spanglish 106: La Prueba” »

Vote NOW For Futfanatico! Vote Twice!

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Vote

I knew when I created this blog a year ago that, well, it would not be an opiate for the masses. So each year, as awards are doled out and votes counted, I don’t hold my breath. No, true to form, I nominate other blogs for awards, vote for other blogs, etc. etc. Well you know what? The days of Elliott “the Silent Martyr” have ended. The time for Elliott “the Glory Hogging Troll” have arrived.

I can’t win a fair fight. I know this much. Thus, rather than nominate my blog for one of the more established awards, I have decided to create my own election with my own rules. I have decided to hide the ballot results, but will allow multiple voting. So as the holiday season approaches, the year winds down, the Chelsea transfer ban dissipates into a laughing joke, I invite you to participate in the first annual “Futfanatico is the Blog of the Year” election. It’s a runoff. Kindof. Continue reading “Vote NOW For Futfanatico! Vote Twice!” »

The Life, Death, & Life of Ferenc Puskas

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DeathAs you may have guessed, I am a practicing Roman Catholic. Within my belief structure, boxes exists for spirits and ghosts and hauntings. Purgatory awaits those with impure souls, the flames of hell toned down to a mild orange so as to burn away sinful elements of our time on this Earth.

Up until this point, I had thought of Puskas as adversarial and one minded. He only wanted goat’s blood. Yet I had been equally adversarial and one minded – I had created major-struggle-mountain out of a molehill. But I took a deep breath and asked myself a very basic, simple question: why did this former Real Madrid legend want goat’s blood? And what did it have to do with me?

I had to expand my mind between simple notions of victory and defeat, life and death, lots of goat’s blood or no goat’s blood. Continue reading “The Life, Death, & Life of Ferenc Puskas” »