We´ve complained about refs, learned a few songs, but now we turn to the reason middle-aged men obsess over sports: the young people.
Take your eyes off your “panza” (gut), put down the cerveza for a few minutes, stop stroking the few “pelitos” (little hairs) which grace your “pelon” (bald) head, and recall a time when you could run 200 meters without coughing up a lung. And now, after a moment of reflection, we begin.
Hispanics vary as to how we refer to the young people. The academically proper adjective is ¨joven.¨ In Spain, they refer to a young person as a ¨chaval.¨In Mexico, the term is ¨chavo.¨Sounds pretty similar, but ye olde Spaniards use chavo to refer to currency! Thus, the hit Mexican kids show ¨Chavo del Ocho¨ would be “an eight cent coin.” Don’t worry – it doesn’t generate that much confusion. Everytime Mexicans go to Spain, we just speak English. It’s easier that way.
In Central America, the common term is “chavalo.” So if you are ever confused, just say “chaav” and mumble something. The odds favor you. Unless of course you go down south, where those wacky places below the equator say “pibe.” I speculate that the etymology comes from the word “ebay” and those little bolsitas which rival fans toss at one another. The ones with yellow….okay enough. Let’s get practical.
Here is an example of something your middle-aged self would say in the course of a partido (game). ¨Correr¨means to run. Thus, to say – look at that kid run – you would say “¡Mira como corre ese chaval/chavo/chavalo/pibe!” The upside down exclammation point is absolutely essential. If your keyboard is English-only, then copy and paste. ¡No excuses!
Another example. “Saltar” means to jump. Thus, to say – look at that kid jump – you would say “¡Mira como salta ese chaval/chavo/chavalo/pibe!” Got it? Good.
Now we must learn how to describe your aging, decrepit middle-aged body. A warning – this could get graphic. The proper word for old is ¨viejo.¨But watch out. In Mexico, your ¨vieja¨is your girlfriend. Yes. I know its non-sensical. No, Mexico is not a land of ferocious cougars, although jaguars do populate parts of the southeast. But wait, to add further compound matters, in Argentina, your ¨viejo¨is your father. Try not to confuse the two.
Two prime examples. When you see Gabriel Heinze or Fabio Cannavaro get torched for the ninety-ninth time, you would say “ese viejo no corre para nada.” That oldie can´t run for anything. And when you see goldie oldie Javier Zanetti overlap for the 100th time, you would say “ese viejo corre como loco.” That oldie runs like a lunatic. Claro (clear)?
We end with a point of contention. A veteran player is “un veterano.” Simple. An experienced player is “un jugador experimentado.” Slightly confused? Experimentar means “to experiment” but also “to experience.” You could also say that a player with experience “tiene experiencia.” And in South America, but not Spain, you would say that such a player “tiene cancha.”
“Cancha” means “playing field/stadium,” and the etymology of the phrase comes from the sheer awe many young players have at setting foot before thousands of screaming fans. Not intimidated? Tough to believe? Imagine playing here. Thus, a player with “cancha” won´t have wobbly-knees upon arrival in Europe.
Your homework is to watch a La Liga game, choose one of the young players, and talk about how “ese pibe corre como loco.” You should also call your viejo (father) more often – he is old, alone, and misses you. As for your vieja, well, that’s up to you, you slydog.