Stamford Bridge is Pricing Down

Does anybody remember back in the day when historical monuments and stadiums were named after locations, architects, and concepts? Sadly, in the 21st century, those days are long gone. At least at Stamford Bridge. Ron Gourlay, the new Chelsea exec, has inspected the club coffers and decided on a get-rich-quick-plan: sell the naming rights.

This alone does not bug me – what gets my girdle is the utter lack of creativity.

Gourlay plans on keeping the name Stamford Bridge but adding some corporate moniker. For example, a DVD distribution corporation that sells TV land sitcoms could soon showcase “Stamford & Sons Bridge” all over West London. Lovely. And of course, the profits from said namesale will cover John Terry’s wages. What a bargain!

As the global recession tightens governments’ belts, we can only hope that the Natural Park Services will follow suit. Perhaps the Statute of Liberty can become “the Statute of Liberty Mutual,” or the Golden Gate Bridge will be the “Steve Jobs Landconnector.” I know that Arsenal sold Highbury and moved into their sleek Emirates Stadium a few years ago. But I would have rather seen a stadium renovation and a corporate sponsorship deal with a big pharm/end-of-life-pain-medication company.

And as the bankruptcies come in wave after wave, eventually all specific stadiums names will be in such flux as to be worthless. You will say to your grandson “Let’s go see United at the AIG stadium & family fun complex.” He will then complain to his father, your son, about how senile you have become because everyone knows that the Red Devils play in the British Airways Compound of Footballery. And your son, too busy with a real job, will have no idea what either of you are talking about.