The Goblin King was unavailable for an comment on the upcoming English action, so instead we have turned to an equally astute sage for counsel. Walter Mercado is the star-reading attraction of Don Francisco Presenta, a Spanish language staple variety hour whose longevity makes Bob Barker appear a puppy.
Mr. Mercado terrifies small children, may or may not drink goats’ blood, and has ever so graciously agreed to look ahead to this weekend of English Premiership action. As always, he glances into the horoscopes con mucho amorrrrrrr.
The first match under the microscope is Manchester City at Liverpool. Walter notes that Rafa Benitez, born April 16, is an Aries. As such…
A new idea — or a person full of new ideas — comes your way early today, and you should spend as much of your abundant energy as possible working through all the possibilities you can see so far.
Does that mean we will finally see an Alberto Alquilani sighting? Will the young Italian make an impressive impact? Or perhaps a sheik is waiting in the wings to buy out the American owners, spend a ton of money in the transfer market, and make Scousers’ christmas dreams come true…
But Walter emphatically did not mention a Liverpool victory. Or even a tie.
The next match analzyed by Walter is Everton at Manchester United. Sir Alex was born December 31st and is a brooding, moody Sagittarius. Walter foresaw that…
Your good energy is making you do some pretty crazy things — so get out there and show the world what you’re made of! You should find that nothing beats your self-confidence now.
Crazy things? So Sir Alex will continue to start the sorely out of form Michael Carrick. And he did just give a contract extension to the legless redheaded wonder (aka Paul Scholes). But his self-confidence at home means United should win, even if Nani and Berbatov conspire to waste chance after chance.
The next match pits Arsenal against Sunderland at the Stadium of Light. The Gunners have had a fine run of form recently, but recently misfortune struck this international break when Robin Van Persie suffered a freak injury. Still, Walter preferred to focus on the positives. He noted that Arsene Wenger was born October 22, making him a detail oriented Libra.
Accordingly, Walter notes that…
You should discover that your friends and coworkers are taking you more seriously than you would ever have dreamed possible! It’s a great day for making big requests and seeing what comes of them.
Thus, Arsene will ask a lot out of Nicolas Bendtner, Eduardo, and Carlos Vela. Still, with the development of Alex Song and the impressive Fabregas and Arshavin in midfield, the Gunners should earn a hard fought victory.
Lastly, we look at the Wolverhampton vs. Chelsea fixture. The Blues are playing in the comforts of Stamford Bridge, but will be missing Frank Lampard due to a training injury while with England. Carlos Ancellotti was born June 10th, and Walter squares places the responsibility on the Italian’s broad Gemini shoulders.
Take a deep breath and remember that it all comes down to you today — so you need to get things right! The good news is that your energy is perfect for the active pursuit of your goals.
Ancellotti holds the key to a Blues victory, not a single player such as Lampard. Walter insinuates that the master motivator will have his players charged and ready for a comfortable victory.
We would like to sincerely thank Walter for his insight, not scaring too many children, and keeping his ring-laden paws of our precious bags of holiday treats.
Please do not bet based on these assessments and enjoy the weekend’s action con mucho amorrrrrrrrrrrrr…