The results are in, ballots torn to pieces…

Posted on by

So, I hired a campaign manager. Granted, my own “blogger of the year” award seemed a pretty open-and-shut case. The only requirement was that the blog nominees have “futfanatico” in the name, which made for a typically American two-horse race. This seemed a simple question of www VS not www. But that’s the excitement of a campaign, anything can happen.

I knew my campaign manager’s background when I hired him. He had a checkered history, but I’ve always had a soft spot for the first name “Daniel.” Plus, I also dug his “win-at-any-cost-even-if-you-impoverish-your-own-country” attitude. He was a winner. But would he make me a winner?

The initial suggestions seemed innocent enough. People could vote as often a they wanted. The results would remain hidden to users. It made sense to me, at the time, that a really big fan should be able to vote several times if they were so inclined. A single ballot seems a shackle to those with strong preferences! The second suggestion was allegedly to prevent collusion and fraud. Or so he said….

All my reservations dissipated with Daniel’s excellent handling of the third party candidate. This punk mentioned that futfanatico.org was not on the ballot. Within a matter of hours, my inbox buzzed with emails from curious journalists demanding to know more about futfanatico.org. I started to lose my calm, but Daniel sprung into action with a story and a plan. Within minutes, well placed rumor swirled that the domain name, not even parked, once belonged to the charitable branch of futfanatico. Until it was closed down due to a massive bung sting.

I gave this clown my password and the keys to the polldaddy station wagon. However, after a certain point, I went from driver to passenger. And then, this morning, I wasn’t even a passenger. I was a shocked bystander. And then…another casualty of ruthless Latin American politics meets equally cutthroat English language soccer blogging.

Prepare yourself. Here are the results…

You did not read that incorrectly. In the “futfanatico” only blogger awards, the clear victor is….Pitchinvasion. Yes, Pitchinvasion. Disappointed? Stunned? Angry? Confused? Betrayed? All of the above and then some.

Don’t get me wrong – ’tis a fine publication. And Tom is based in Chicago, Il., a city and state known for their fierce and shadowy political machines. Still, even taking into account all the fraud, the margin of victory hit me like a tsunami.

If the above graph were a pie, would you like the baby blue slice or the rest? Yes. Just keep rubbing salt in those wounds. I am sorry to all my loyal readers who taste the bitter pill of usurped enfranchisement. I really meant this election to be more than just an ego-trip, a trophy to place on the barren Futfanatico award shelf.

But there’s a saying – a good campaign manager will get you elected, a bad one may get you killed. I am just happy to be alive, wish Tom all the best, and will be hiding in the attic in an undisclosed state for a few months until the military stops searching for me. Don’t worry. Some friends are bringing me food. Et tu Dunmore? Et tu Daniel?

8 thoughts on “The results are in, ballots torn to pieces…

  1. Pingback: The Sweeper: FIFA Is Trying To Kill Me | Pitch Invasion

  2. Split the vote? Split like a machete on a human skull perhaps…I’m still alive though and gearing up for next year’s election. Just definitely will be wiser when selecting campaign managers

  3. Pingback: Tom Dunmore Simply Cannot be Stopped

  4. Pingback: Ivory Coasting to Victory? Not so Burkina Fasso! - Cote d'Ivoire - African Cup of Nations 2008 - World Cup 2010

  5. Pingback: Pitch Invasion Contributors Bring the Goods: Favorites From 2009 | Pitch Invasion

  6. Pingback: Ms. Meow Lives to Meow Another Day!