Soccer Players and Anglo Saxon Prayers

John Terry. Did I miss the bandwagon? Or am I fashionably late? Regardless of your level of interest, know this – John Terry’s sex life has stuck a simmering poker into the gaping chasm between the anglo-saxon cultures and the Latin world. And yes, I am referring to Sepp Blatter’s odd comments. And yes, I am giving him way too much credit. And yes, I will muse on the Bridge snub. Just bear with me…

I begin with an overlooked fact and a simple premise. John Terry engaged in intercourse of the consensual variety. That is to say – the French lingerie model was in no way coerced either by direct or indirect threats to engage in said relations with John Terry. Rather, she got with Johny Terry for….well, only the Good Lord knows. And even he may be confused.

While Capello stripped Terry of the England captaincy and pundits cried foul play and lamented on England’s World Cup title chances, few in the media called for the French lingerie model to be stripped of the captaincy of the French lingerie team. Few reflected upon the implications of the affair for the French lingerie team’s chances at the coming World Cup of lingerie.

Granted, no such events exist. But, but, but….

If it takes two to tango, then why is only the man taking the blame? If Susan B. Anthony and other female pioneers in the workplace have fought for suffrage and equal pay and equal opportunity, then why does society fall into the same “players playing the part of player” discourse and narrative?

Let’s take a somber look at reality.

John Terry, for all his headed goals, missed penalty kicks, million pound wages, terrifying familial relations, and million pound wages, still looks like…John Terry. Is no female embarrassed that this French lingerie model has to wake up in the morning, look herself in the mirror, and accept that she had relations with a man named John Terry and looks like John Terry? Should they be?

Sepp Blatter, of course, played the old Latino “boys will be mischievous boys” card. In some part, the two cultures do speak differently about marital vowels. However, social science research indicates that infidelity does not vary greatly between the two. His talk is the lion’s roar masking a nail-less claw. El perro que ladra nunca muerde.

Still, how a society views the genders is important. And the English press’s obsession with WAGS and women as receivers-of-nice-cars certainly does little to dispel the impression that despite suffrage, equal university enrollment, and almost equal workpay, the male as infidelit-ious/breadwinner mentality pervades.

So try not to get caught up in the gossip rag hype. Try not to overreact to Blatter’s prudent observation with shallow statistical support. Just thank yourself that tomorrow morning, no one will strip you of the captaincy of any team. And most likely, you will not have to live with the simple fact that the previous night, you had relations with a man named John Terry that looks like…John Terry.

Still, the discourse turns to England and the World Cup. And my gaze turns to the UK media. The chicken and egg rears it’s ugly head – do the tabloids feed our prurient interest, or vice versa? More importantly, how does the UK tabloid machine magnify the minutiae of details of personal lives, yet always end with a weak relation to the prospects of England winning a World Cup. In the case of Bridge, who today said adios to Capello’s plans, one has to wonder – had this matter stayed private, could the two have worked it out for the sake of the Three Lions?

More disturbingly, the England “excuse magnet” now has its focus – leftback. With Cole injured and Bridge excused, all of England’s wins, losses, goals, and goals conceded shall gyrate around that single position on the field. “Heskey lays off for Rooney who shoots, its blocked, but Gerrard scores off the rebound. BUT WHY didn’t the leftback overlap five minutes earlier? By the way, England is winning 4-1.”

Never mind the fact that leftback is the problem position for every other national team. Never mind the peripheral role that position plays. I feel sorry for the Three Lions and Fabio Capello because no team has ever or ever will win a World Cup without at least 5 world class leftbacks waiting neatly in line and getting along well.

So, in summation, John Terry is a bad person but so is that French model, and none of that matters much to England’s prospects. They are a good bet at the quarterfinals, but anything after that is just gravy on the mashed potatoes.

For a balanced appraisal, check out Tom Dunmore’s insight on “wag culture” at Pitchinvasion and Kira Cochrane’s wag interviews at the Guardian