Alberto Thingamajig not forgotten at Liverpool

Today we welcome a guestpost from the best satirical soccer blogger not named Bedorarrci, the one and only Nick Dunmore of the ever excellent FISTEDAWAY.

Rafael Benitez has assured some guy that he is not finished at Anfield, whatever it is he happens to do there.

Aqueduct, an Italian international – in some kind of sport is appears – has failed to adjust to the rigours of English football in his first season in the Premier League. At least, we think it is his first. Perhaps he has been here for ages. Did anyone see him come in?

The Liverpool manager sought  to reassure the player publicly in a press conference yesterday, with previous attempts to talk to the player in person resulting in a thoroughly bewildered Yossi Benayoun.  “Alfredo is a great professional, with tons of quality. I do not understand this constant speculation about whether I play him, whether I do not. When I didn’t play him at Wolves, it wasn’t because of the pitch, it was because I had got it into my head that he was Alberto Arbeloa, and was probably going to have to get his flight back to Madrid at some point.”

“I really miss that guy. Wow. Never thought I’d say that”.

Desipte the precarious state of the club’s finances, and the ongoing doubts about the manager’s choices in the transfer market, Benitez defended his signing of Andreas Albacete. “It is unreasonable to expect a player to adapt immediately – it takes time to get to know this league, and we can afford him that time. After all, it’s not like we paid much for Andy did we?”

“We did?”

“How much? Twenty of them? Madre dios”

At this point, the press conference had to cut short unexpectedly, as the manager’s sweating head had scheduled a prior appointment with a bucket between his knees.

For more delightful football bloggery from the back alleys of London -London, England, that is, not London, Ontario – check out Nick’s site FISTEDAWAY