We started with a noble mission – eliminate all debt in all of football. Football is more than a business – it is a way of life. And debt forever and irreparably harms the sport. Debt is the spoiled apple that ruins the barrel, the black plague that springs from victim to victim. We must be merciless when attacking all examples of this deadly disease. We must show no remorse. Football is not a balance sheet of x’s and o’s, it is a way of life. Thus, we have deployed the best tactic available to supporter’s groups – death threats. AND we sent out our first one!
Now, I know your concern – legal liability. Well, don’t worry, we sent out our first death threat as a dry run to a close friend that is a former player. Who? Yeah right, you already know…PUSKY!
Now, I know what one may say – a death threat sent to a person that is already dead seems a bit, shall we say, weak. Exactly. I did a little legal research, and death threats towards dead individuals are not a crime in any country in the world. Thus, we covered our liability bases, even at the cost of effectiveness. And we of course kept a professional tone….
Concise. Simple. To the point. Brevity is appreciated by the grader and most definitely the busy professional athlete and/or CEO. Are the demands a bit unreasonable? Well, the timeframe is a bit unrealistic, but I’m always open to negotiations. And, in my experience, the first offer always leads to a counter offer and then both sides negotiate towards the middle. I mean, if we start off with a 5 year plan or some crap, then they will come back with a 20 year plan and the interest will choke off any hope of improvement in the short-term.
Now, I know that some people may say – hey, isn’t this a conflict of interest? How come the leader of FC Distrust Supporter’s Trusts Trust (FCDSTT) is also sending out these emails? Isn’t this also a bad use of time? A poor allocation of resources? Isn’t this just replicating the problems of football’s mismanagement?
Look. You have a point. But Football is over a hundred years old, and FCDSTT is not even upon the one month anniversary. So, for the time being, I am wearing a few different caps until we get our 501(c)(3) approval here stateside. But I am very explicit in my titles so that the receiver of these emails knows about any potential conflicts of interest.
So now we just sit and wait. I wish that the dead Pusky had a website or something like Andrei Arshavin, but he allegedly closed his facebook account due to privacy concerns. He still has twitter, but has not tweeted in many a blue moon. We must show resolve, though. We are fishers of men, fishers of footballers and their managers.
And once they respond to our demands, once we put them through the net of our death threats, only the filth and scourge of debt shall remain. And we shall be free…