FCDSTT – Scars of the "D"/Sins of the Debt

Let’s start out with the goods news first – we (1) closed on our lease for an office for our Worthwhile Inspection Tribunal-Court Hearing and (2) had our first such hearing. The bad news? Well, Pusky has not responded to our death threat and I’m starting to feel that people don’t take this project seriously.

More importantly, the first hearing, for an individual charged with having a personal debt & enjoying football, went well and ended in a conviction. Naturally, this person was sentencing to having a “D” branded on his chest, mandatory stitching of a large D on all articles of clothing, and was banned for life. Still…. two major problems arose – (1) kicking people out of a voluntary organization really lacks bite, and (2) I was the person found guilty and banned. And I’m the president. Here’s the story…

The week started poorly – apparently, a club up to its neck in debt, destined for relegation, closed in by administration, actually had success on the pitch. Yes, Portsmouth made the FA Cup Final. Unfortunately, this threw a little wrench into our “debt consumes and destroys all it touches” narrative. People began to think – hey, if football is a business like any other, then they have balance sheets, and a reasonable proportion of debt may actually indicate health. In a word, the cloud of debt grew wide and darker, fogging all minds to the simple and always true truth of its evilness.

What is FCDSTT to do in such a situation, when the Sith have corrupted the minds and hearts of the senate? It’s quite simple – find and stone a scapegoat. A big one.

Unfortunately, our legal advisers informed us that stonings and burnings could pose liability issues, even if done with extreme care and caution. We tried to compromise on a well greased guillotine where the guilty would really feel nothing, but no cigar. Thus, we had to settle for the “D” tattoo, stitches, and a lifetime ban.

Then came the hard part – picking a victim, a scapegoat if you will, to distract people from the rampant lies about debt floating about the blogosphere. Well, since FCDSTT is a voluntary organization and I was the only member, it fell on me. Plus, I had recently accepted a new credit card, so I was definitely on the hook personally.

The trial went very well – I was presumed guilty and had no proof of my innocence. The beauty of the W.I.T.C.H. is that you don’t need to rely on “creative interrogative techniques” to coax confessions – by presuming innocence and not believing the accused’s testimony, you get a guilty conclusion 99% of the time!

So I was found guilty, a big success for FCDSTT. Granted, it looks sorta bad that the President got caught with his hands forever tainted by the black stain of debt. However, on the plus side, this conviction would show to the world that FCDSTT meant business.

But, at sentencing the problems arose. As a voluntary member, I was told that I had to get a gigantic black tattoo of “D” on my chest and stitch gigantic D’s on all my clothing. Well, given the newness of FCDSTT and the bare coffers (all our funds went to paying that first lease), I was expected to pay for all this out of pocket. Yeah. Right. Plus, I was already kinda banned from FCDSTT.

So, I reasoned – I’m kicked out of FCDSTT and I’m going to pay for a hideous tattoo and ruin my clothing? Sure thing. Yep. Or, maybe, just maybe…I’ll do neither. End of story.

The only conclusion I can draw is that if Supporter’s Groups are serous about combating debt, they really need super harsh punishments, ruthless tactics, and cannot be volunteer-only. Also, all death threats should be sent certified mail, just to add credibility. Emails are a no-no.

Is this the death of the death of debt in football? I don’t know…