US v. England – World Cup Player Ratings

To the cries of “taxation without representation” and “remember the Boston tea party,” the United States bravely took the field against its colonial masters, ie, England. While the Yanks had long ago traded tea for Coca Cola and fish & chips for burgers & fries, some remnants of lingering Anglo-Saxon roots remained. Both sides struggle in patient possession and apply pressure high up the field. Both enjoy the jumping and heading of the ball, in addition to a firm tackle mixed with some shoulder-to-shoulder shannanigans.

But the 2-0 drubbing at Wembley a few years ago cast doubt on whether the US could compete. When an early goal struck a hole in their sails, uncertainty gripped the American fan. Would we capitulate again as against the Czechs? But a hard fought clawback ensued, with both sides eventually sharing the spoils in a reasonably close affair with scoring chances at a premium.

And who, you may ask, from the US stood out? Who shone brightly like millenia old dark matter? You know who.

The Fast Fading Nebula – Ricardo Clark

Don’t let the wicked cool clouds or sexy name fool you, NGC 2818 is simply out of gas. The central star which fueled the nebula ran out of juice a few lights years ago, going from nuclear reaction to little traction in the blink of an interstellar eye.

Ricardo Clark overall had a solid game, as his time in Germany has sharpened his passing and positional sense. However, at the international level, it is the half seconds of indecision that decide games. In the 6th minute, he lost track of Steven Gerrard and gifted England the opening goal. Just like that, the US found itself chasing the game. While Rico recovered to put in a strong second half, the US may not be so lucky against opponents with a better possession game.

Our beloved, scattered Milky Way – Michael Bradley

A closer look at the Milky Way reveals that underneath a collection of stars, moons, and comets, lies layer after layer of ionized gas. No, this is not the type of gas you pump into your car with the goal of choking off humanity’s existence – this is the air-like particle stuff. And in outer space, it pervades almost every open centimeter.

Michael Bradley covered acres of grass, won lots of headers, and challenged Gerrard and Lampard at every corner. However, his passing lacked an offensive edge. Also, in the 63rd minute, he bit on a classic Lampard pump fake, but luckily Tim Howard was able to palm away the resulting pile driver. Little Bradley ran the whole game, but a few neater passes could save some tread on the tires in the next match.

A smudge or a moon? -Robbie Findley

Nobody doubts that Saturn has four moons after centuries of scientific observation, but still….if you looked at this Hubble Telescope image, wouldn’t you suspect a workaholic scientist had negligently and hastily washed off the lens wit his white lab coat sleeve?

Despite a lovely assist to Donovan in the warm up game against Turkey, doubts remain about Findley’s qualities at the international level. While his speed did draw a yellow card from Carragher, the Real Salt Lake forward often looked out of his depth in terms of touch and decisions. Only time will tell if he is a speed-demon replacement for Charlie Davies, or a one dimensional attacker not quite up to par.

The Spiraling Galaxies – Steve Cherundolo

Even solar systems can get lonely. Located inside the Great Bear constellation, the two galaxies of UGC 8335 have merged in a spiraling intertwine of tails and gas and stars and stuff. Still, will this bridge of materials ultimately pull apart both at the seams?

Steve Cherundolo had an active game down the right flank, contributing to the attack with energy and poise. However, he had more than a handful of shaky moments when left on an island against Shaun Wright Phillips. Granted, in the 51st minute he stood up the winger brilliantly. However, his overlapping runs often left the US exposed at the back. Unless a better balance is found, his spiraling runs may do more harm than good.

The Explosive Carina Nebula – Landon Donovan

The Carina Nebula explodes in a flurry of new stars on a daily basis. Despite being 7,500 light years away, walls of dust and gas cannot stop the brilliant light emanating from these fledgling stars. These young stars can produce jets that soar 850,000 miles per hour. Not bad.

Landon Donovan was arguably the best player of the first half. He buzzed around the  ball, diligently marked Glen Johnson, and his set piece delivery was sharp. His range of passing was on full display, with a first half cross leaving Jozy ashamed his header was not up to par. And in the second half, his quick sideline pass set Jozy on his way, only for the Haitian sensation to force a brilliant save from Greene. While he faded in the second half when England got a grip on the game, his diligence in defense helped limit the right side of the Three Lion’s attack.

The Patchwork Cluster – Carlos Bocanegra

Is 10 million enough for you? That is how many stars constitute the Omega Centauri cluster, which glitters like that neat Fourth of July party you planned, but that then retrogressed into intoxicated bottle rocket fights.

Carlos Bocanegra had a million moments of nerves and missteps in the first half, as Aaron Lennon regularly got around the makeshift left back. However, in the second half, Bocanegra found his feet and limited the crafty winger, getting turned in the 49th minute but then never looked back. Carlos changed his approach from “wait and see” to a physically assertive “stuck in early” style, and Lennon failed to make a lasting impact.

The Sombrero’s Spin – Clint Dempsey

Some things just look really cool. This galaxy is roughly the size of 800 billion suns, however at its center lies a 1-billion-solar-mass black hole. Astrologers originally thought this quaint solar system was originally just a little gas surrounding a star. They were wrong.

Clint Dempsey did not climb up the US ranks via the ODP pay-to-play suburban pyramid. No, Deuce skipped Bradenton to play college soccer at Fulham, yet for every coach that has doubted his ability, Deuce has proven them wrong time after time. While Clint had a quiet game by his standards, in the 40th minute his double pivot left England flatfooted, and his rifled shot spun out of the hands of the keeper and into the back of the net. A fluky goal? Yes. But the confidence to shoot and ability to create space had little to do with chance.

The Dying Star’s Fury- Jozy Altidore

When a human dies, we hold a funeral procession, bury the body, and end of story. Sure, from time to time you visit the grave to lay flowers, but let’s be honest – it’s been over a year and you don’t feel any guilt. Conversely, when a star dies, it releases rolling cauldrons gas up to 36,000 degrees Fahrenheit that can travel 600,00o miles per hour.

Jozy never looked entirely comfortable on his ankle, but his hold-up play and passing allowed the US to retain possession for extended spells. Also, in the 65th minute he turned Carragher and forced a brilliant save from Greene that ricocheted off the post. Yes, he could have done better on Donovan’s cross in the first half, but his energy despite an injury fueled the US attack.

The Dark Matter Matters – Tim Howard

I bet you  had no clue that dark matter was so shiny. That’s the issue, though, – dark matter can’t be seen. What can be seen, though, is how light bends around the substance. In this way, the power of dark matter is it’s subtle on surrounding stars and comets and asteroids.

Tim Howard spends the majority of the game as most goalies do – standing around and yelling. In fact, for most of the game, he doesn’t even show up on your TV screen. The English players also struggled to see Timmy, confusing him with the back of the net and routinely shooting into his grateful arms. Granted, Howard’s positioning was impeccable and timing perfect – Heskey had little option in the 51st minute, and Howard’s low punch in the 29th minute surely saved a goal.

Still, you got the idea that Tim had somehow gotten into England’s head. Inexplicably, both Shaun Wright Phillips and Aaron Lennon passed up open looks at goal to try square passes. Jedi mind tricks? Reputation? Respect? Never underestimate the power of the powers you can’t see…

Photo credits: Hubble Telescope (via Boston)