Guti leaves Real Madrid. For the casual fan, the question is: so what? Guti played the part of supersub for 15 years but little more. His record – most sub appearances in La Liga history – does not place him on the same pantheon as Di Stefano. But in a club that routinely ships their cantera players to mid-tier clubs, Guti was the exception. His leaving is a loss more in emotional terms than futboling concerns. So indulge us in some word-association games to commemorate the occasion. Continue reading “Guti – Adios Au Revoir Word Association” »
Monthly Archives: July 2010
Riquelme: My Transfer Rumor Tumor Humor
So, the World Cup is over. The season is weeks away. However, for all the nascent capitalists and “managers in their own minds”, the open transfer season is a joyous occasion with the exuberance, spontaneity, and substance of a middle school dance. Wait, did somebody from Europe mention Landon Donovan’s name? Really? REALLY!!! I’ve got to visit the various sites and forums in order to confirm the substance of that unsubstantiated rumor and potentially post my own reflections on how it would forever change my life. For the better.
So, no. I am not Mister Manager. The gossip tales do not tug at my heartstrings. Press conferences and asides from overpaid agents do not make me salivate at the mouth. Why? Too much smoke. Not enough fire.
Except for this one. Continue reading “Riquelme: My Transfer Rumor Tumor Humor” »
Junito: Lifting the Weights of Expectation
So, as you may have noticed, the Junito posts have been a bit sparse around these parts. No, don’t worry, Junito has not relapsed into his love affair with jugando escoba. In fact, despite protests from the missus, the escobas have been banned from the house in favor of a collection of mops, dustbusters, and vacuums. A bit inconvenient? Yes. But as parents of the world’s future greatest footballer it’s just one of the many sacrifices to be made. Your welcome universe.
Truth be told, the long pauses have come about for a variety of reasons. First and foremost, I have come under a brutal attack from both the general audience and family members. Some people think its preposterous to predict that a three year old can ascend to greatness. The “naysayers” say too many things can happen between now and five, when Junito signs his first professional contract. Of course, the old Brazilian refrain that the good looking boys get girlfriends and the ugly ones get good at soccer has a kernel of truth. Still, I managed to be dashingly handsome and decent at pelota, so surely Junito can just take things to the next level.
The more stinging criticism, though, from closer quarters, is not so easily dismissed. Continue reading “Junito: Lifting the Weights of Expectation” »
World Cup 2010 Redux: Links & Videos
So, yeah, the World Cup has ended. Some hated it. I enjoyed it. Of course, I took into account that no even can realistically live up to the hype as “the greatest and most entertaining” sporting event on Earth. Still, from the fluid counter-attacking Germans to the patient passing Iberians, this tournament was light years ahead of the catenaccio Italians and plodding French of 2006. Yes, Zizou was amazing in the outrounds of that tournament. No, that did not redeem the other 31 teams or other games.
But enough of that, onto links and classic videos from South Africa 2010. Continue reading “World Cup 2010 Redux: Links & Videos” »
Spain v. Netherlands – Red Herring Revisionary
The end of the World Cup is like quitting smoking cold turkey, only you can’t cheat. No matter how hard you try, no matter how many old recordings you have of classic games, the sensation, the media overload, the frenzied tidal wave of live games cannot be reproduced. As the tournament progresses, the teams get eliminated, and the games get even tighter, you find yourself searching for an equivalent fix. But there’s no hidden pack in your car’s glove compartment. There’s no friend who you can bum a smoke off of. There’s just an old archive of youtube clips, a tome covered in dust wit a few words written about something that people back in the day thought was exciting.
Take a deep breath. And try to hide your disappointment. Continue reading “Spain v. Netherlands – Red Herring Revisionary” »
My Actual World Cup Final Prediction…
So, for those of you who, like me, live in the post-television era, Univision has been streaming for free all the World Cup games. Mad props. They also are currently employing South American deity turned icon turned announcer Chilavert, known colloquially as “Chila” or in his inner circle “Chil.” Some call him “el emperador escupedor.” Based on these noble universal gestures, and a friendly email, I shared my thoughts on the World Cup final with those rambunctious ragamuffins. Hint, so did a few other bloggers. Check out our thoughts here. Another hint: can you say “Furia Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrroja?”
Slavoj Zizek Predicts the World Cup Final
Despite the parakeet, the octopus, and an assortment of other animals, only one entity can accurately predict the World Cup final: Slovenian philosopher and critical theorist Slavoj Zizek. We had a quaint chat with the man to wax Marxism, the Lacanian real, and Mark Von Bommel.
What he had to say will probably only confuse you, unless of course you obtained a doctorate from the European School of Philosophy. But not the University of Chicago – everybody knows those hacks just say really big words. Ahem. Now onto the interview! Continue reading “Slavoj Zizek Predicts the World Cup Final” »
Junito: The Everlasting Love Eternal
The first round implosions of the 2006 World Cup finalists cast a shadow on the tournament, highlighting a cruel reality of the sporting world: four years is an eternity. On the one hand, France’s insecure tantrums only worsened under the letter reading and loose hand of Domenech, while Lippi’s Italy simply lacked the legs to ever truly impress. Watching Gattuso, Pirlo, and Cannavaro in such a sad state, their knees failing to keep up with their mind, left a blight on any viewer who recalled their glory days.
Luckily, Junito is still a decade or two away from such problems. Although he did recently throw a tantrum so ugly it would make Franck Ribery appear a GQ coverboy. Continue reading “Junito: The Everlasting Love Eternal” »
The Jabulani Defends Herself…with Aplomb
The Jabulani has been attacked from all corners of the globe, but finally gets the courage to defend herself. Please check out the coverage at Fistedaway of this once in a lifetime press conference.
Argentina vs. Germany – Painless 'til the End
I’ve tried for four years to explain to new American soccer fans what it means to lose to Germany. All metaphors escape me expect for horror films. On the one hand, the German experience is a profound blow psychologically. Even when the scoreline reads 4-1 or 4-0, the Germans always give the other team enough of the ball to make them feel the result was within in reach. If only Lampard’s goal was ruled a goal, if only Dimaria had kept his shot low, if only Romero had commanded his box.
From the audience perspective, the German counterattacks play out like a creepy killer carefully entering and walking through the house. As the masked villain slowly tiptoes down the hallway towards the bedroom, we flash to scenes of the impervious back line, taking a shower. Will Heinze step in time to rule Podoslki offsides? Oh no...he’s decided to use conditioner and can’t hear the killer turning the door handle to the bedroom! Continue reading “Argentina vs. Germany – Painless 'til the End” »