Last week, I was wrong. I assumed that Mirkvo Vucinic’s goalscoring celebration against Inter Milan revealed a Marxist streak in his thinking. However, I couldn’t have been more mistaken about the Montenegrin striker’s etymological proclivities. Just glance at his goal and ensuing celebration vs. Switzerland….
So if he’s not a Marxist, does that make Vucinic a cutthroat capitalist? No. Rather, his underwear flaunting festivities can be ascribed to a myriad of interpretations. So let’s begin.
1) Judith Butler “Gender as Performance”
Judith Butler, a professor at UC-Berkeley, has articulated an intellectual affront to the “gender as biology” method of thinking. Rather than counting estrogen and testosterone levels, Judy believes that we are sentient beings that act out gender roles, roles we learn from societal influences. Young boys see male soldiers on Army recruitment videos, and therefore like to play soldiers. Little girls see flush hair on Avon commercials, and thus like to brush their dolls’ hair. And of course Vucinic is down with this.
However, the internet has exposed the subversion of traditional gender roles in the twenty first century. As women bring home the bread and more men help around the house, the gender script has been subtly and not so subtly rewritten. Judy critiques the “male gaze,” the tendency to reduce women to mere objects. Yet the expansion of websites dedicated to female fetishization of athletes shows an omnipresent “female gaze.” Males are objects. Including Vucinic.
Vucinic’s goal celebration was a vicious satire and social commentary – he tugged down his shorts to say “Hey, these are tighty whities, enjoy this view of my pulsating masculinity.” The bulge, a biological difference between the sexes, both exemplified and vilified the deeply held biological understanding of gender that pollutes our thought. On the one hand, Vucinic has a penis. On the other hand, is that really a big deal? Should it be?
2) Jon Belushi “Animal House Bender”
An alternative theorist may depict the “Judy reading” as overly cerebral. Rather, Vucinic was totally happy with the neat give-and-go followed by a delicate chip finish. He lost all inhibitions, like a frat boy pretending to be too drunk in order to gauge the state of inebriation of his sorority sister prey. Dude, did you take a shot of Patron each time I did? Nooooo way. Hey I scored a goal!
While this epicurean argument may have some basis in reality, I doubt Vucinic was inebriated by anything other than joy.
3) Michael Jordan “Satire as Self”
The lingering and annoying Marxist points out the athlete-underwear-model dynamic. The Marxist espouses that this celebration was a continuing protest against the capitalist industrial complex, with its grip on the players both on and off the field. Vucinic tugged down his pants for free to mock the undie flaunting antics of Michael Jordan and David Beckham. Vucinic’s lack of pants made the bold statement – “I do not care to participate in the sale of my image and immortal soul for a nice pair of silky undies.”
4) NYC Naked Cowboy Replacement
Lastly, for those of you not in the States, we have congressional elections coming up and a new third party has put both Republics and Democrats on edge. How serious is the tea party? Well, one of their candidates used to parade around Times Square in New York City in a cowboy hat, underwear, and a guitar in hand. Very serious.
Vucinic, sensing that his time as a footballer may soon come to an end, didn’t want to turn up any potential career opportunities. Thus, he auditioned on live TV as a potential “Naked Footballer” that tentatively plans to loiter around St. Peter’s Square and sign autographs. Good luck!