Yesterday everybody screamed the praises of one Gareth Bale, one week after a certain disreputable website sang his praises by comparison to the Garbage Pale kids. That disreputable website was this one. And I admit my mistake. Gareth Bale is a shining example of athleticism, a white knight, the hero at the end of the fairy tale who smooches the princess, slays the dragon, and lives happily every after.
But Pippo Inzaghi is not. Which is why I love him.
A lot of conservatives in the United States of America believe in a little thing they call “the rule of law.” The rules. The law. They must be narrowly and strictly read. And enforced with machine guns. If you cross the line, if you break the rule, if you disrespect the law, and your office is not on Wall Street, then you need to be arrested and placed on a bus destino Mexico. No time for a court hearing. Miranda? Sounds like a Hispanic surname to me – ship him out boys!
Sadly, youth league coaches share a similar approach to the “offsides rule.” Opposing forwards must religiously respect the blade of grass between the last defender and goal. If you mistime a run, give me one hundred push-ups! And if you do it a second time, get ready for an early shower and an earful. Destino ducha.
The offsides does not concern a thoroughbred like Bale. In one of his assists yesterday, he simply pushed the ball past the last defender and sprinted forty yards. Great for him. But in that block of time, he ran more yards then Pippo Inzaghi has trotted for the last three seasons at Milan. People cling to Bale because he embodies a youthful spirit, a sense of endless possibilities with the ball at his feet.
Pippo Inzaghi is the forward that you love to hate. He scawls and slumps around the opponent’s back line, his hips eternally pointed towards the end line and his breath on the last defender’s neck. He treats the linesman like the start of a Grand Prix race – as the flag gets raised, his engine hums to life. His game is a ten yard sprint, an exercise in mental anticipation and economy of steps.
For all of Milan’s dysfunctional parts, he has aged the best. His two goals beat Liverpool in a Champions League final that now seems ages ago. As the AC motor has lots steam, the tires spinning without sufficient tread, he is the blinker signal. When called upon, he flashes to life exactly as you expect.
So the next time you salivate over Gareth Bale running circles around aging Italian defenders, remember the Milan man who, a decade older, sidesteps the younger opposition while hoodwinking the referee. Try to relax about your “rules.” Learn to view the law a bit more openly. In the blurry world between offides and goalscoring prowess, Pippo tiptoes the line to perfection.
And though his goals came against my beloved Madrid, I watched with more envy than spite.
Awesome.
I’m a Real fan too and if you remember Pippo was the one that worried Mourinho. I think it’s because the Real defense is a bit erratic (Pepe) and Pippo Inzaghi exploited that offsides line perfectly. Can Mou get him for us so he can play supersub in Madrid?
Nick-
Glad you liked it.
Jojo-
I think Mourinho is favoring a youth movement at the moment – and let’s not forget that a young promising forward scored our tying goal in the waning moments. Also, at Chelsea, Mou ran off Hernan Crespo, another offsides nether region lurker, so its probably not in the cards. At least in this life.