The Most Humble of Honors, Your Readership

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Ahem. Gentlemen, ladies, transgendered individuals, and mammals of all colors and stripes, please pay attention and lift your glasses of champagne. The end of the year fast approaches and the awards for soccer bloggers proliferate. Naturally, I have quit my day job based on the success of this highly profitable soccer link directory, errr, website. I spend all day on my couch, waiting to sign the green certified receipt for my invitation to the Emmy’s. I’ve already written my acceptance speech, and it goes a little something like this….

Despite the cut-throat nature of the soccer blogosphere, where we constantly compete to out-scoop one another with gigantic shovels, shady agents that receive bribes for tips, and the occasional email from an angry & drunken player, a sense of community pervades. How do I know this? Because I can feel it. I have felt this tingling sensation. And it tingles. Not in the way your foot goes from-cramped-to-less-cramped when you get up from your desk at your tedious day job. No, this tingling is special. Community special.

Everyone talks about “monetization” and cry that their blog does not generate enough PPC. But for those of us old enough to remember PCP and whom are no longer institutionalized, the joy of writing and the love of the game carry us through the day. And the readership. Your comments, emails, and tweets make me smile, think, and occasionally cringe at the limits of my own mental capacities and prejudices. Your intellectual synergy makes me tingle, and not in the sense of a tetanus shot. But enough tingling.

Last year, we attempted a very special soccer blog award. The name of this prestigious trophy of trophies? The best soccer blog that had “Futfanatico” in the URL. However, a shady Central American campaign manager undid all our good work. A lack of transparency undercut our modest dreams. We swallowed a bitter pill ala the Democratic party in the US this past midterm election. But unlike Barackstar, we have learned.

Yes. That’s right. The award is back. I am proud to announce that Futfanatico has been nominated (for the second year in a row!) as “Best Soccer Blog with Futfanatico in the URL.” And our new campaign manager = guaranteed success. Karl Rove, the man selected for the job, only picks a winner and enters battles he cannot lose. He chose us. And we feel special. He has promised to do absolutely nothing but write op-eds for the WSJ and find creative statistics to show why we won. Postfacto reasoning. God Bless.

Of course, several wonderful blogs and articles deserve an honorable mention. For various reasons, these sites were disqualified but produced the funniest articles of the soccer blog year.

The first, FistedAway, caused much bemusement with an article on the Dutch World Cup team. While Cruyff guided Holland to a clockwork version of the Beautiful game in the late seventies, Nick accurately named the current version as “Total Bastard Football.”

The second article, by Run of Play, focused on the curious case of foreign finances in English football. Brian provoked deep thought and even deeper belly laughs by asking the simple question – when is a billionaire really a billionaire?

The third article, by Studs Up, is more comic than blog post. However, their social commentary on the often creepy nature of Spurs fans, coupled with the emergence of Gareth Bale, hit the nail on the head. Is Gareth Great? Yes. Worth stalking? Not quite.

Sadly, as anybody can see, these great sites were disqualified for failure to have “Futfanatico” in the URL. Tsk tsk. A foolish oversight given the availability of Brian also attempted an insurrectionist write-in campaign last year and is disqualified. However, despite these shortcomings, they still deserve an honorable round of applause. [Pause] Now, onto the election err award voting!

Ready your pen, sharpen your mind, and make a brave decision. The ballot is littered with several good choices and the polls shall stay open until the end of November. However, at midnight on the last day of November, polling stations will close at exactly 12:01am. The computer operated doors shall start to drop down at 11:58pm, gradually descending and closing off all the oxygen supply until the room is quarantined. Don’t procrastinate!

We then will take a week or so to count absentee ballots, and, assuming no litigation against the ballot commission, shall issue a clear victor. That winner of winners, in addition to the status symbol benefits, will win an all expenses paid trip to Managua, Nicaragua in early January. Lodging will be provided by my suegra and expect hefty servings of gallo pinto and tajadas!

So exciting! Who will win? Vote here….

The truth of the matter is, I am humbled to be nominated by myself for my own fabricated award for the second year in a row, and promise to be graceful in victory or humble in defeat.

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