The hero’s journey often is a quest for identity. Part affirmation, part reconceptualization, we must struggle to define ourselves from cradle to grave. In the latest Pusky series, I revealed little but the question remains: what makes this site special? I recall this site’s infancy, when I planned on covering every inch of the bodies of the US men’s national team. No, not in the kickette sense. Rather, in the fitness component. Was a player nursing a sprained ankle? Sore hamstring? Could we count on Tony Meola being matchfit for the usa game? Maybe! And you heard it here first!
I planned on naming my site matchfitunitedstatesofamerica, but another blogger beat me to a similar domain. No worries, I reasoned, I would shift focus from the physical to the mental. I would write detailed analysis of the tactics in games, like Santapelota but daily. Did Rafa Benitez have an amusing goattee? I wouldn’t care – I’d only look at his team’s appalling zonal marking on setpieces. In fact, that name rang a bell. But once again, another talented writer beat me to the punch.
So here I am, stuck between David Beckham’s ACL, Jose Mourinho’s 4-3-3, and Mario Balotelli’s fingerhat. I dropped my old site moniker of “a unique perspective” in favor of “breaking soccer news.” Pun aside, I felt it more accurate. But then I had a realization. It dawned on me that I do something better than almost any other soccer blogger out there. What? This. Micro. Pawnage. GGNubcake. Yes, that’s right, nerdery. Nerd-it-up. So, in honor of this nerdosity, in glorification of pocket protectors, I present my magnum opus, just in time for Christmas: the Italian national team viewed through the world of Starcraft. Enjoy.
So, let’s start with the obvious. The Terran are not the bum-rush Zerg. Similarly, the Italians deploy a spider’s web defense. They advance methodically in possession, but only react quickly to an obvious opening. In sum, they like to score either on their own earned setpieces, or capitalizing on an opponents’ setpiece error.
Who is the loyal and easily mobilized marine? Definitely Zambrotta back in the day and Maldini wayyyy back in the day (94).
Light on their feet but enough battle armor to withstand a few nips from a zergling, you’d love to have them at right or left back. Granted, you need more heavy duty badboys for a Protoss Zealot, but every piece of the puzzle has its place.
And speaking of the central component, the choice for a Battlecruiser is beyond obvious. Central defenders Alessandro Nesta and Fabio Cannavaro (of a few years ago) dominated the air with the greatest of ease.
While Fabio has gone onto a Middle Eastern payday, in search of resources way off the map, Nesta has inspired a resurgence at Milan. Just when you think the Protoss have you cornered with diamond fields depleting, a counterattack presents itself. Nesta chests down the corner and launches a vicious, sweeping movement.
And who would be in the middle of the attacking forays? Who stays away from the goalmouth but commands the action with long range passes that appear missile guided? Currently, Pirlo is clearly the siegetank of the bunch (perhaps someday Montolivo).
Perhaps a bit labored in movement and best with both feet set, Pirlo continues to spray passes over forty yards. He also has a handful of goals from that distance. CRon’s shots may be better on a good day, but nobody has more good days than Pirlo – even at his advanced age.
And who has the speed of wings to scout for the battle cruisers and siege tanks and marines? Who can distract the Protoss with darting runs? Who can dance toe-to-toe with the Zergs? Back in the day, nobody played this role better than Mauro “Wraith” Camaronesi.
Currently, the aging Argentine-born winger has been beset by injuries. Del Piero once blew by defenses and scampered around midfielders, but his best days are also behind him. Who can step in to avenge the wraith of the azzurri? Cassano lacks the first step and Di Natale the attitude, but Rossi may hold the key and be the needed crafty and elusive forward-winger of the future.
Regardless, the Italian’s formula for success is pretty simple. Allow me to translate their gameplan into Starcraft-speak:
9 Depot :52
13 Barracks 1:59
13 Refinery 2:20
15 Orbital Command 3:06
16 Barracks 3:14
18 Refinery 3:53