FOREWORD
Frank Lampard kept a diary from September 1, 2011 until June 2012. Initially, he wrote it strictly for himself. Then, upon seeing the success of second rate player autobiographies, he decided that when the season was over, he would publish a book based on his diary. He began rewriting and editing his diary, improving on the text, omitting uninteresting passages, and adding others. Frank’s first, unedited diary is normally referred to as edition a. The second version, though, is known in academic circles as edition b.
At the end of the season, when it became clear that Frank was no longer a regular starter for Chelsea or England, he became frustrated and ceased to write. A secretary found bits and pages of the diary thrown across the locker room in Stamford Bridge. She then turned the diary over to Chelsea’s PR department, who decided to fulfill Frank’s initial wish and publish the diary.
In making this choice, the PR department had to bear several points in mind. For starters, the diary had to be short to fit into the serial blog format common at the time. Out of respect for other similarly discarded veterans, the PR department also initially omitted unflattering references to those players. Frank, who had the maturity of a ten year old at the time of the diary’s writing, wrote openly and candidly about his likes and dislikes.
The Frank-Lampard-Appreciation society, based in London, UK, was ultimately entrusted with these poignant insights into the mind of one of Chelsea’s iconic footballers. The reader should keep in mind that this diary series is based on the a version, not the b vesion, but naturally grammatical and spelling errors have been fixed. We have also added his later comments from the same time period. Otherwise, the words have basically been left as written by Frank, since any attempt at editing would be inappropriate in a historical document.
SEPTEMBER 2, 2011
I hope that I will be able to confide all of my life to you, as I’ve never been one to confide in any person, and I hope you will be a strong source of support. Not like that stupid Villas-Boas. Or Kalou. I once told Kalou a lot of stuff about my feelings, and then the next day Drogba and Terry made fun of me in the locker room. I hope you don’t do that.
COMMENT ADDED BY FRANK ON MARCH 14, 2012
Thus far you truly have been my greatest and most cherished friend. Much better than Kalou. This way of maintaining a diary is ever so pleasant, and I look forward to writing in you daily.
SEPTEMBER 20, 2011
Today was one of those dreadful English days when the clouds didn’t envelope the sun, they’d killed it the night before in its sleep. From the window of my three-story townhouse in London, all is gray. Fall beckons. Outside my window stands a magnificent tree, standing over fifty feet tall and with a thick, sturdy trunk. Yet all its leaves have fallen to the ground, crumpled under a passerby’s footsteps. I feel as though the naked branches point at me.
I’ve been holed up in my townhouse for only a few days, but it feels like weeks. Each second stretches into an eternity that I both dread and grasp. I’d rather be training at the Bridge with the lads, but the manager sent me home to rest up and nurse an injury I didn’t even know I had. Every time I ask about the team sheet for a match, I hear the same story about legs, energy, and later important games. I want to believe the words, but the eyes, tone, and body language speak differently. I am depressed. I am profoundly depressed.
SEPTEMBER 24, 2011
Today the manager told me that I would start, but then right before the match told me he changed his mind. It’s okay, though. I’ve learned to cry on the inside, and only the inside. I thought about telling Kalou, but then I remembered the last time when he told Drogba and Terry, so I didn’t. I feel alone. You are the only one I can trust, the only one who will listen. I’ve tried calling my ex-wife, but she only picks up the phone when it’s my turn to have the kids. Otherwise, she doesn’t answer or respond to my text messages, not even the ones with smiley faces. I hope that someday you’ll respond to my text messages with smiley faces. And you won’t tell Drogba and Terry anything, unlike Kalou.
SEPTEMBER 28, 2011
A few days the manager called me and had me fly to Spain with the rest of the squad. I’d already taken up a correspondence course online and been hanging out in the attic/reading room with my cat Moortje, and the phone call came out of the blue. I’d just started to get comfortable with being useless to the man. He told me there’s a big game and I was an important player, just like he always does. He wouldn’t tell me if I was starting or going to be a sub, just that I’d made the game day roster. I don’t even know what to feel anymore, aside from anguish and disgust. He did send me a text message with two smiley faces, though.
This is obviously a work of satire. Neither Chelsea nor Frank Lampard was involved in the creation of this lampoon.
This is a very poor attempt at humour..this article is crap and not even funny…Gosh atleast lampard is gud at his job…u suck at urs..Get a life
TB-
Welcome to the site and thanks for your two cents. I think you may have based your criticism on Lampard-love to which I respond – loving people you’ve never met and defending them tooth-and-nail is a personal decision, and I respect your personal decision.
However, there’s another criticism that needs to be addressed and merits some words on my part. I agree that, as a historical document, Anne Frank: the Diary of a Young Girl is of profound symbolic significance and one of the most important documents of the 20th century.
However, as a literary device, a diary has been used in several instances to reflect the inner-workings and emotions of protagonists. As a writer, I took inspiration from AF, albeit in a weird way, kinda like that Neutral Milk Hotel album. However, no comparison was intended between what’s happening to Frank at Chelsea with the events in AF.
I just wanted to publish the original and unadulterated thoughts of Frankie, I swear.