Let’s not play games. For the last two years, this lovely site has cleaned up the competition at some very prestigious online soccer-writing awards. This year, the awards scene has multiplied exponentially. Categories and nominations have expanded, so don’t let your guard down – please be sure to vote and I will of course begin preparing an earnest and heartfelt thank you speech dedicated to my family’s pet dog Lassie who rescued me as a child from an abandoned mine by heroically overcoming a lack of opposable thumbs to scale down the two story mine while wearing an adorable dog-fitted miner hat with a light, firmly clasp my polo shirt’s non-popped collar in her jaws, and then climb over 20 feet, myself in tow.
A vote for this site is a vote for childhood, cute dogs saving cute toddlers, and a simpler time in American history when beavers were either mammals that built dams or network television protagonists, nothing more.
Please pay close attention to the categories and cast your vote accordingly.
First, the most important and prestigious: best blog.
Second, and reasonably important: best Android app.
Third, and kinda important: best iPhone app.
Fourth, and incredibly prestigious: best indie Soccer eBook.
Fifth, and novel to this year: best “Awardie”.
Did that last “awardie” confuse you? It shouldn’t. We all know the respected, popular, and high quality content websites that regularly have awards for soccer blogs. But here’s the simmering question: how good can an awards event be if the award itself has never won an award? It’s like a dentist with a mouth full of cavities or a chef who has never eaten his own soup. Also imagine how much better the Tonie’s, Golden Globe, Oscar, Emmy’s, and even ESPY’s would be if each year they had to compete against one another. The chance to clasp and flaunt an “awardie” would lead them to trim down productions and actually fork out cash for a funny host. In sum, your cynicism at these other awards is deserved and your excitement at my idea is deservedly palpable.
However, here’s the other problem: an award for soccer awards featuring those sites would probably be won by one of those sites. Thus, in the noble spirit of amateurism, we narrowed the options. My campaign manager from 2009, Daniel Ortega, recommended this. He also recommended a closed ballot, which I have done. I did not hire any of his Juventud Sandinista to threaten the foreign press or international election observers, but they are on call if the need arises. I have the utmost trust in Daniel, especially after his recent “re-election.”
So, there you have it. The polls close on December 8th, and the winners will be announced December 12th.