I grew up reading the Onion, a satirical online newspaper. One of my favorite features is when they ask a few random Janes and Joes about a pressing issue. The answers range from obscure to hysterical to spot-on. All shed light on the different slices of Americana. In that respect, I thought: what would the different types of American soccer followers say about the big topics of today? Please note that by follower, I include haters, casual fans, and die-hards. After all, we form part of the same sport spectrum.
Thus, here's a slice of what folks in the US answered when asked: What are your thoughts on the European Championships so far?
...A Rush Limbaugh Listener
...A Soccer Hipster
Wenger's been mis-playing Arshavin at winger for years. He's really an enlace or trequartista. It's like, d'uh. D'uh.
...A Nascent Middle-Aged Fan
Yeah that Messi guy is pretty fun to watch. Too bad they lost to Chelsea awhile ago.
...A Soccer Mom
Editor's Note: I wrote this post right before the Euro's started, and, of course, the real life Onion posted something similar before I could pull the trigger and publish it. Check out their own take on this same topic.