One World Futbol, One Word: Profit

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MBA Baracus has been on a hot streak. Shortly after encouraging you to buy shares of Spanish-club Real Oviedo, the world’s richest man, Carlos “Gordito” Slim, invested heavily in the team. Thus, all earlier shareholders went from fearing bankruptcy to sitting pretty. Inevitably, folks want to know – what is the next scrapyard investment recommended by the ruckus-causing Baracus? Here goes. 

Have you heard about the indestructible soccer ball? If not, watch the above video. Or, click here. Now, the background and the forecast.

Made from cockroach husks, adamantium, amazonium, diamonds, obdurium, steel, saronite, and titanium-a, you’d expect the ball to weigh roughly 300 pounds and break any foot that dared to kick it. But that’s not the case. Rather, the ball was built to deflate and re-inflate – thus ensuring that the rocks, sharp edges, and sticks of fields can only pop the ball temporarily, not eternally.

So, what’s the verdict? BUY BUY BUY.

I know your doubts. First, the ball looks geared for Third World countries. Lately, the B.R.I.C. has delivered a hit to your investment profile. However, recall that famous investment maxim: “double down and stop being a chump.” At some point, you have to look at yourself in the mirror and ask: “Am I a chump?” If you say yes, then just stop reading this article. Go back to your mutual funds and take up a hobby, like cross-stitching. I’m sure your great grandkids will appreciate a quilt.

For the rest of us, this investment opportunity is a class case of “enriching poverty.” Many hedge fund managers scoff at businesses and products geared towards low-income individuals, such as refugee children in Darfur. They all too simply ask: how can these consumers even afford the product? However, the great modern companies are built on populist principles. Henry Ford did not want to sell overpriced SUVs to soccer moms – he was motivated by the dream of expanding travel, opportunity, and physical (and social) mobility to all folks. He dreamed of a world where enough CO2 omissions could create a warm, fishbowl cape to keep the Earth warm and flood expensive coastal properties owned by undesirable religious minorities. R. James Coca-Cola did not get excited about selling sugar water for a dollar, but rather sought to expand once obscure health problems such as diabetes to minority youths.

One World Futbol has produced a great product that every kid in a war torn region and elsewhere will want. And once you’ve purchased the adamantium ball and seen it survive getting ran over by a tank or an IED, how can you ever go back to that Nike Air 90?

PLEASE NOTE: Past performance is no guarantee of future success. None of the assertions in this note should be construed or taken as promises or predictions of future gains.

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