Struggles of EPL teams in Europe are wholly unprecedented and lead to thoughtful root-and-branch analyses

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Oh, hello there. Dearest reader, I am going to write this post in first to second person. Why? Intimacy. Or at least the feeling of intimacy. You see, sometimes this cold, cold world of soccer journalism can feel foreign, icy, chilly, remote. Writers sometimes without a name or credit pen words where subjects precede verbs that are then followed by objects, with an adverb or adjective here or there. They talk about clubs and you ask yourself whether plural groups should be represented by singular or plural conjugations of verbs but it just gets a little stale. A bit old. A little not spicy. A bit trite.

But not today, Dearest reader (may I call you “Dearie”?). Today, just you and me, share a secret.

First, I need to know if I can trust you. I’m not being coy. But did you watch the Champions League games last week? Do you pirate streams at work? Listen on the radio? Have one of those cable subscriptions where you can catch replays afterwards? Did you actually see the game live? Cool. Then, like me, you saw Manchester City lose to CSKA (no relation to Ska music) Moscow and Arsenal blow a lead to Anderlecht. In case you didn’t realize it, both Arsenal and Manchester City are clubs in the English Premier League.

Thus, to the point. I need you. I need you badly. Deep down, I feel like there’s this void within. And it can only be filled by articles, columns, or blog posts about whether the most recent results of a single fixture or week can lead to a meta-comparison between clubs and leagues in Europe. That’s where you come in.

The thing is, I’m kinda bad at this whole internet thing. In fact, a moderator on a subreddit accused me of plagiarism recently. He doesn’t know what plagiarism means nor do I, but it got me thinking: does the word “plagiarism” have four or five different sounds? For me, I’ve always felt the last “m” deserves a separate count when counting, but reasonable minds may disagree. I tried to Lycos the answer, and stumbled upon the word “Susurration”, which is glorious. Just say it to yourself in a low voice. Now, say it to me, in a lower voice.

There you go. It means “whispering, murmuring, rustling.” In the comments section of this post or on twitter, I want you to susurrate me with anything you can find written about EPL clubs failing in a single Champions League fixture and that being a referendum on the league as a whole and compared to others. I know, we’re taking a big risk – maybe no such article has ever been written. Maybe it’s never even been conceived.

And that’s what makes it so special. You and me may be the first to ever do this. Trailblazers. Heroes. Arm in arm. Just you and me. Susurring and HotBoting and maybe even AltaVistaing the internets, scouring and scrumming up what have you not. I can’t thank you enough in advance. Thanks. In advance.

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