Your Totally Not Sponsored Daily Fantasy Futbol Tips!

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Remember a few years ago when I wrote that long diatribe about why I hate fantasy sports? Well, to be honest, I lied. I was riding high on a counterculture trip; I was in a standoffish mood. I knew that you liked fantasy sports before me, so I played down my own interest. That way instead of getting “early adapter” street cred, I could salvage my ego with some contrarianism. I am sorry. In all truth, I love daily fantasy sports.

And who doesn’t need more fantasy in their daily life?

Yes, I know, I know, I myself wrote in 2012 a rather long critique of “run-of-the-mill fantasy sports leagues” where spreadsheets cause you the fans to merely end up “treating players and athletes as chattel.” But that was before I realized that not all daily fantasy sports leagues are the same. In fact, Draft Duel and Fan Kings, who are not sponsoring this post, have really low entry fees compared to those run-of-the-mill leagues.

Low entry fees you ask? Yes. Low entry fees. Like five bucks low, at least at Draft Duel and Fan Kings. Did you get those names? D-R-A-F-T D-U-E-L and F-A-N K-I-N-G-S. And these fine sites’ low entry fee of course changes everything. Because fantasy must have some tether to the material world. What makes me love these sites is that I can pay a low entry fee and have the chance of winning more money than the entry fee! So, like, I or you or ideally every human on the planet could pay that $5 entry fee but then either you or I, based on our relative brilliance, could win maybe, dare I say, double that $5. Yes, a handsome sum of $10 is a possibility. Even more!

The best part about Draft Duel and Fan Kings is that they are games of skill, which means they combine the thrill of gambling with the rock solid assurance that your big brain will win you the money. After all, you are competing against people who are intellectually inferior to you and who will dedicate less time to researching their potential daily lineup. Plus, thousands of new idiots sign up every day making for easy money. So sign up today!

Thus, out of the warmness of my heart, not because my intimate buddies at Draft Duel and Fan Kings are paying me to mention their names or plug their sites or passing along referral fees for “new fish”, I am gonna give you some tips for your daily fantasy enjoyment. First off, pick really good players. If you pick bad players they will play poorly and you may not win. Second, pick pretty good players that nobody else picks who will do well on the particular day you pick them. This second part is especially crucial and kind of a no-brainer.

Well pals, welcome with open arms Elliott Turner to the throngs of daily fantasy fans. I just can’t get me enough of that fantasy on tap at Draft Duel and Fan Kings. Ever since I was a little boy Robbie Keane and I dreamed of gambling errrr paying an entry fee on a daily fantasy site, and now the internet has made that dream come true. I would go on, but but but..the tears….from joy….I can’t even see what I’m typing anymore…..

Did I mention the terms Draft Duel and Fan Kings? Oh, okay. Just checking.

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