Q: Are you trying to tell me that a soccer club based in England recently won a trophy that is awarded based on a points total after a 38 game season? Surely this has never happened before and cannot possibly be true.
Q: So, unlike, say, our perfectly meritocratic BCS Championship Series for college football, those zany Brits have a regular season but don’t have any playoff at the end or something similar? What is wrong with those mofos?
A: That is correct.
Q: So, if I am to take what you have said as true and then take what I read on the internet at face value – a dangerous proposition – this Leicester (mispronounced) City has accumulated a sum of points from both drawing and winning games for the prior nine months.
Q: Now, taking things one step forward, and again relying on the web, this “Leicester City” has played in several 90 minute “games”, normally on Saturdays and Sundays, but, at the same time, have lived in this fantasy land of fairy tales where racists spring the offside trap and slay dragons and ripple nets while saving princesses?
A: Close enough.
Q: You’ve been a darling, but two thing really really bug me. First off, I normally gamble all the time on a range of things. I really trust my bookie and also the people in Las Vegas who benevolently and charitably take my money while telling me the chance of something happening. Apparently, these people have said that a team winning a trophy was much less likely than another team. My stats buds even say the odds against were “astronomical.” So how did this happen?
A: Well, if you look at the ramifications of a new TV deal in the EPL combined with Financial Fair…
Q: SHUT THE FUCK UP! I WANT YES/NO ANSWERS (and you can waffle a little bit).
Q: That’s more like it. So, I read that the secret to Leicester (mispronounced) winning was that they hired an affable Italian coach who regularly lunched with his mother, threw them pizza parties, and didn’t have their star forward practice finishing. Ergo, why the hell do we have Klinsmann as coach of the US when he does NONE OF THOSE THINGS????
A: Not sure. Great point.
Q: So, like, seriously, before the EPL season started, it seems like any of the teams “could” win the trophy. Who is in charge of such a stupid rule? Why isn’t there some income minimum regulation like at a respectable country club?
A: That’s not a yes/no question.
Q: Fine. Look, all I know about Leicester is one minute Deadspin was posting about their racist orgy preseason, and, then, in the blink of an eye, they are winning the EPL. Mere coincidence? Or causation?
A: WTF knows.