Rising US Soccer Star Dates White Dude with Dangerous Job

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Most of you don’t live in Houston. A good chunk don’t follow closely the women’s professional soccer league in the US. I know, I know – the league is young, the talent is a bit erratic, and there’s no pro/rel, so why bother? Because soccer is fun, duh. And soccer played at a high level is fun to watch.

Just like with the men’s game, though, sometimes the curious and puzzling things happen off the field. Such as with the Houston Dash’s Kealia Ohai.

This past year, the Houston Dash had a season to forget. The team only won six games, failed to make the playoffs, and they finished ten points from the last playoff spot. Still, there were a few bright spots. USWNT star Carli Lloyd enjoyed some moments of Nirvanic beastmode. Also, Kealia Ohai, a standout for North Carolina, enjoyed a solid third season as a pro, but recently shocked the Houston area with a bombshell revelation.

She is dating some white dude with a dangerous job.

Apparently, said white dude works in a profession that is financially lucrative, but also plagued with serious problems. A cursory glance at the membership roll of his trade union shows three troubling trends: many members have been arrested and convicted of domestic violence; many members suffer from substance abuse; and many members suffers from concussions and head injuries to an alarming degree.

Now withstanding, said white dude is admired in his profession as a hard worker, standout talent, and his social media has said some nice things about Mexico (the key to my heart). He did attend college in the great lakes area, received a few academic accolades, but sadly dropped out his junior year for reasons not entirely clear. He is currently recovering from a leg injury, suffered at work, and as of press time it is unclear if he is on the dole or living off savings.

Conclusion: it’s pretty clear that Ohai can do better. Much better. Houston is filled to the rafters with college graduates who don’t work in dangerous professions. That’s why this news was such a bombshell.

Still, we will give Ohai the benefit of the doubt. This white dude may have a sparkling personality that overcomes all the aforementioned flaws. Or maybe he’s just a “pity me” boyfriend and she’ll get bored of him in a week. Either way, the relationship needs to end or he needs to respect her professional space so that she can start off the 2017 season with the same torrid goalscoring pace as she ended 2016.

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