One of my favorite football pathologies is when a team is losing and fans observe that no player is yelling during games, and complain about a “lack of leadership.” The three assumptions behind this argument: (1) Leadership is atomic and individualized, (2) Leadership is the same as yelling, and (3) Leadership enjoys a causal, not correlative, relationship with results, all make me chuckle.
Yet I don’t want to laugh. I do want to wax, old timer lament style, on a decay in modern sport and the gift of gab. I, refer, to the poetic and oral tradition of “talking shit.” Continue reading “A Decay in the Art of Trash-talking” »
I am Elliott, the father of two young children, and I am very appreciative of the fact that you, as an athlete, realize how important a role model athletes can be. Athletes teach young children – and society – that if you are going to rock a sweet manpurse (I am not being sarcastic), you need to be sure it’s a designer label and not some knockoff. Your Instagram never betrayed me on that issue. Your clutches are the Louis Vitton stuff of legends.
But you’ve also taught my children another important lesson. And I’m very grateful for this second one too. Continue reading “An Open Letter Thanking Tim Howard for His Commitment to the USMNT” »
Baseball used to have all the good curses. For decades, Cubs and Red Sox fans wallowed in misery, shaking their fists at phantoms and decrying the lack of a championship. And that’s not even mentioning the legend of Shoeless Joe Jackson whom, if I recall correctly, was decapitated and rode around on a horse (but sans a shoe on his left foot).
Luckily, as baseball has gone metric system and stats, soccer still has a few tales of wonder and hexes. I speak, of course, of the “Faux Bun.” Continue reading “The Curse of the Faux Bun” »
Christmas is all about love and family and yultide greetings and adorable bandanas on dogs and snow and giving gifts to others. Now that Christmas has passed, though, it’s time to revert to your selfish, materialist ways. And I have just the best auto-regalos for your stocking.
Of course, they revolve around football and smart writing. Continue reading “Belated Holiday Gifts You Deserve” »
A quiver empty of arrows. A bow broken in two. A string pulled too hard, too long. For years, we believe that in the battle of sports takes, that takes were a renewable source of energy, like coal in mountains or oil in deserts or those strawberry candies that always appear in glass jars in a grandmother’s house.
Now, we know better.
Or do we? Continue reading “The Center of the Sports Take Universe” »
I am now posting so irregularly, it’s almost laughable to be posting this. Still, I have paying eInk Kindle subscribers, have gotten some emails, and also some messages via Twitter. The holiday season in the US, from Thanksgiving to New Year, I am normally driving across the country and too busy to really think about soccer, let alone write anything of substance. I catch what games I can, but that’s about it.
This year, though, the break was hastened by a family tragedy and medical emergency. My wife and I found ourselves suddenly packing up the wagon, hastily filling suitcases, and then hauling ass 16 hours to see a dear one who is gravely ill. Since then, it’s been a mixture of hospital visits, commodes, depends, tapioca pudding, physical therapy, heart care clinics, and not much else. Continue reading “Annual Blogger Break Alert (Kinda)” »
As Alexander Pope wrote in his Essays on Criticism: “To err is human; to thirst, also quite commonplace.” For the last decade, fans of soccer have had our eye-balls assaulted by Cristiano Ronaldo. Basically, he is a dude that works out a lot, and wants everybody to know that he works out a lot. His skin is an unnatural orange presumably from over-tanning, he wears short shorts that would make a 1970′s NBA player blush, and he invents excuses to take off his shirt anytime a camera may be within five miles.
He has been mocked for his behavior. But I will now dive even deeper into this important, salient issue and raise two very profound points. Continue reading “Somber Reflections on the Thirstiest Picture of Cristiano Ronaldo on Social Media Yet” »
as your trusted guardian of all that is cool and just and neat and worth reading, I would like to direct your attention to a really cool Spanish soccer journalism project. It is called “Los Demas”, and here’s the deal: a monthly long-form piece of journalism about teams in La Liga other than Real Madrid and Barcelona. Continue reading “Spanish Futbol Plus Excellent Journalism = Support!” »
- Ten-year global partnership
- Soft-As-Warm-Porridge stool softeners to be used at Aon Training Complex.
MANCHESTER, England — (BUSINESS WIRE) — Manchester United (NYSE: MANU) is proud to announce a partnership with SAWP. The agreement heralds United’s first ever Official Stool Softener Partner. Continue reading “Manchester United Celebrate Europa League Campaign by Announcing First Ever Stool Softener Sponsorship!” »
Most of you don’t live in Houston. A good chunk don’t follow closely the women’s professional soccer league in the US. I know, I know – the league is young, the talent is a bit erratic, and there’s no pro/rel, so why bother? Because soccer is fun, duh. And soccer played at a high level is fun to watch.
Just like with the men’s game, though, sometimes the curious and puzzling things happen off the field. Such as with the Houston Dash’s Kealia Ohai. Continue reading “Rising US Soccer Star Dates White Dude with Dangerous Job” »