The Juiciest Nuggets from the Brand Spanking New USWNT Lawsuit

It’s sad when people don’t get along. US Soccer preemptively sued the USWNT. Sigh. Why? Because of this question: does a Memorandum of Understanding they’ve been using since 2013 count as a CBA? As background, USWNT changed the lawfirm that represents them, and the new attorney in town would like to tear up the MOU and negotiate more generous bonuses with the Rio Olympics in mind (probably). US soccer is pissed.

I don’t care to cast judgment on either parties. Those who want more greenbacks to stack shall seek them. Those already in possession of a stack shall fight to keep them. I do, though, realize you don’t have time (or the patience) to read a 200 plus page complaint. Thus, I present the highlights. Continue reading “The Juiciest Nuggets from the Brand Spanking New USWNT Lawsuit” »

Manchester United Comfortably Beats a Decent Team

No, your eyes do not deceive you. Yesterday, Manchester United played at Old Trafford and went head-to-head with the Pep Guardiola castaway player reclamation project aka Barney Ronay’s beautiful dark twisted fantasy aka Stoke City. Manchester United score goals and won.

This surprised many. Continue reading “Manchester United Comfortably Beats a Decent Team” »

Avant Garde Premier League Transfer Day (Not) Live Blog of Associations

Transfer. But what would it even look like, you ask? Trans fur, in my estimation, would be just like any other fur, of equal value to society as non-trans fur, and would not invite your queries into said fur’s past history and does not appreciate your biologically deterministic conflation of gender and sex. I also don’t appreciate any of the un-kind words you’ve said recently about trans fat. Continue reading “Avant Garde Premier League Transfer Day (Not) Live Blog of Associations” »

The Midseason Manager Replacement

We all saw the end for Jose Mourinho at Chelsea and even suspected Rafa’s demise at Madrid. The Blues’ form was so poor that they hovered near the relegation zone. They lacked solidity in defense and decisiveness in attack. Meanwhile, at Madrid, the merengues played decently enough, but always seemed to trip over their own two feet when approaching the Barca juggernaut.

Yet, the question remains, do midseason manager changes ever make sense? Or turn out for the better? And what would it do for Manchester United? Continue reading “The Midseason Manager Replacement” »

Q & A: Silky Johnson Explains Why Every Player You Ever Loved In Fact Sucks

Every now and then, we at Futfanatico land a huge interview about futbol with an unexpected celebrity. Once we got Slavoj Zizek to predict a World Cup final. Another time, Jean Baudrillard turned his piercing gaze to American celebrity fans of Arsenal. While Rolling Stone barely nicked us to that Chapo interview, we are delighted to welcome Silky Johnson, the greatest hater in the history of hating.

Silky, a professional hater who makes your ex’s bae look like a bubbling cauldron of optimism, will now brutally and flippantly degrade every player you have ever adored. Continue reading “Q & A: Silky Johnson Explains Why Every Player You Ever Loved In Fact Sucks” »

Liverpool FC: More than a Committee of Issues

I’m a big fan of Guardian columnist Barney Ronay. Yes, his last names sounds uncomfortably similar to Rooney, but nobody’s perfect. Still, his most recent column on Liverpool FC with the angle that “committee results in incoherent plan and bad signings” struck me as a bit off the mark. In sum, two much bigger picture issues cloud the horizon for the Scousers. Continue reading “Liverpool FC: More than a Committee of Issues” »

Leicester City and the Little Things

This past week, I watched Leicester City play soccer. I had read and heard quite a bit about them. They are successful at football. Despite barely avoiding relegation and not re-signing Esteban Cambiasso, they’d led the league at various times this past season. People say the new EPL TV deal means smaller clubs can now offer big wages to keep their established EPL stars, messing up the established hierarchy.

So I saw them play Aston Villa to a 1:1 draw. And what stuck out to me were the two posts of Leicester’s own goal. Continue reading “Leicester City and the Little Things” »

The Annual Winter Dip in Production

Hello, readers. I know that about half of you live in the Southern hemisphere and are enjoying a warm summer. A good chunk of you do not practice a Judaeo-Christian religion. Many also use the lunar calendar instead of the Gregorian. Sadly for you, this website is and always will be a xenophobic and American hotbed of hatred.

Yes, I am taking a few weeks off to enjoy the winter, travel to see family, and celebrate Jesus’ birthday (and El Dia de los Reyes Magos). Continue reading “The Annual Winter Dip in Production” »

Top Five Excuses for the Possibly Incriminating Emails of FIFA Mexican Officials

In case you missed it, United States prosecutors are charging and extraditing Latin American (and elsewhere) officials from FIFA left and right. The feds are so tenacious, they are even plucking Guatemalan executives off Disney cruises in Miami. Yet, for a country that has a pretty bad corruption score in most indexes, the folks in Mexican soccer have avoided the net. Why?

Well, maybe they’re just clean and honest individuals. Okay, you can stop laughing now. I think the real reason is one of semantics. Continue reading “Top Five Excuses for the Possibly Incriminating Emails of FIFA Mexican Officials” »

The Disappearing Star Centerback Prodigy

The dodo. The dinosaurs. Why do all the really cool animals have to disappear off the face of the Earth? Sadly, soccer reflects this reality. For at least half a decade, a position on the pitch has been neglected like no other: centerback. Here’s a thought experiment. Right now, name a young star center back. Okay, easy you say. Thiago Silva. Okay, now name another.

Hard, isn’t it? Continue reading “The Disappearing Star Centerback Prodigy” »