FSOU – Three Day Weekend & First Homework Assignment

Students, shareholders, and potential investors – I am pleased to announce a successful first week for FutSail Online University. Thousands have flocked to this domain to read cutting edge lectures on headlines, headlines, and headlines. We have also featured lectures from such distinguished fellows as me, Clive Longbottom-Fellow, me, Brooks Peck, me, Fredorrarci, me, Dr. Julius Limbani, and me. Did I mention me?

Thus, in honor of this great start, we are having a three day weekend. No lectures and no quizzes this Friday! However, come Monday, be prepared. Continue reading “FSOU – Three Day Weekend & First Homework Assignment” »

FSOU – the Tragic Allure of the Half-Assed Tag Team Post

The beauty in writing is unfettered, untainted, and unrestrained access to the single mind of a brilliant person. That mind may lead you on a humorous parade of clever fan fiction. Perhaps the author’s biting wit will make you laugh until your stomach hurts. Often, the writer’s life experiences illuminates an issue with an original perspective. If films are collective madness with a normally drunk director barely holding things together by a thread, then writing is the creation of a perfectly singular world. One vision. One creator. One creation.

However, it seems like it should make sense that two authors would be twice as good. After all, we know simple math. One plus one equals two. Two is more than one. Right? Wrong. Continue reading “FSOU – the Tragic Allure of the Half-Assed Tag Team Post” »

FSOU – Outsource Factchecking and Journalistic Integrity

Outsourcing. You can’t escape it, especially in journalism. Soccer is the global game, and you must make use of global resources to cover it in style. When done intelligently, outsourcing will cover you from defamation liability, protect your journalistic credibility, and also reduce the costs of investigating facts. In sum, you can more quickly serve a low cost product while retaining your delightful profits.Don’t believe me?

Let’s take a look at some cases studies. Continue reading “FSOU – Outsource Factchecking and Journalistic Integrity” »

FSOU – Wielding Language as a Flaming Sword of Exclusion

Ahh, the inverted winger. Is there a simpler term in soccer? Basically, you take a winger, have him stand on his hands or preferably balance on his head, and he plays the remainder of the game as such. His arms and neck do get tired usually around the five minute mark, but he was always a slouch in defense so the team doesn’t miss a beat. Or does it?

Inverted winger. False nine. Holding midfielder. Libero. Soccer has developed its own lexicon of terms that sounds like jibber-jabber to the outside world. The current FSOU intern (who prepares my coffee every morning), Elliott, wrote a soccer ebook trying to teach this soccer language in Spanish. It was appalling. Six months later, and it has yet to hit the million sales mark. Why? Because elitism is in baby, not inclusion.

And you must also learn to use soccerspeak to exclude others. Or the soccer interwebs will eat you alive. Continue reading “FSOU – Wielding Language as a Flaming Sword of Exclusion” »

FSOU – Trolls Still Need Love & Also Click on Banner Ads Too

What happens when a story breaks, but you can’t think of an original angle? You copy and recycle. Duh. But what happens when everybody has beaten you to the copy & recycle “10% different article” pipeline? You can’t just languish on Page 2 of Google. You must fight back. You must take a very hard and distinct stance. In sum, you must become a troll. You must spew fire.

And that is why the art of the controlled flame is essential to sportswriting. Continue reading “FSOU – Trolls Still Need Love & Also Click on Banner Ads Too” »

FSOU – Barcelona vs. AC Milan, Preview of a Recap of an MBM

Within the world of sports writing, three sub-categories of sacred text about games have developed that deserve your attention. They are (1) the Preview, (2) the Minute by Minute or “MBM”, and (3) the Recap. Each one of these requires a unique skill set and is absolutely mandatory – you have no chance of writing for a major media outlet or getting mad pageviews if you do not copy to the letter the form, style, and content we are about to share. Continue reading “FSOU – Barcelona vs. AC Milan, Preview of a Recap of an MBM” »

FSOU – Note to Investors & Update on 1st Shareholder Retreat

Dear potential investor (and possible massage enthusiast),

It is with the greatest satisfaction that I, Dr. Moschlavius Gumperteer, report that FutSail Online University has launched with nary a snag. At the onset, we believe that our principles, business model, and early acquisitions have laid a foundation for fantastic profit margins.Allow me to elucidate these points, and then report on our first shareholders’ meeting. Continue reading “FSOU – Note to Investors & Update on 1st Shareholder Retreat” »

FSOU – the Truth About the Extreme Importance of Untruth

FSOU has taught you how to select a class of readers and craft a sports writing blurb. Now comes the most important part: the headline.

Many newbies make a major mistake: they treat the headline as a concise summary of their article’s content. Ha! Sure, you can brainstorm some creative and powerful words to draw the readers’ attention, but in the time you spend to think of something snazzy, a million other sites have jumped in front of you in the the Google traffic wave line. Instead, your better off with these tips. Continue reading “FSOU – the Truth About the Extreme Importance of Untruth” »

FSOU – The Importance of Visualizing your Readers

One of the keys to writing successfully has nothing to do with prose, headlines, fact checking, or opinion. Rather, you must win the battle before the battle starts. You must make a very important decision: who are your readers?

This lecture is in English. Yes, Google Translator could butcher it for other folks, but my intended readers speak and write English. Why? Money. Money. Money. The English, Aussies, Canadians, and Americans have, shall we say, le Money. Why does that matter? Sponsors. Sponsors want to run ads for sites that feature articles written by and for people with money. However, this is just the tip of the iceberg. Continue reading “FSOU – The Importance of Visualizing your Readers” »

FSOU – Five Essential Tips for the Perfect Sports Article

At FSOU, we specialize in sports writing for an online audience. Think of it as creative writing degree sans the creativity. We also offer an advanced degree known as a MDA (Master in the Dark Arts) for superior students that show a special talent. Tuition rates are still being discussed, but, for now, enjoy a few free lectures. This one is a brief introduction to “the sports article” in the 21st century.


A long time ago, people craved well-researched and in-depth articles. Wordcounts soared. Printing presses roared. Rainforests fell and you enjoyed the five page NYT Sunday edition article on the demise of the Amazon. People read for hours at a time. Not anymore. Not since the 24 hour news cycle and the coinciding rise of the “news snippet as appetizer.” People don’t want full course meals, they want Pringles. Your goal in writing an article is not to reveal the truth or educate the reader, but rather to beat the page view count of amusing cat videos.

You have a serious disadvantage: your sport feature will probably not involve adorable kittens playing with an iPad app or chasing a flash light beam. Still, with the right attitude, you can win this knife fight with one hand tied behind your back. Just follow these five tips in how to construct an article. Continue reading “FSOU – Five Essential Tips for the Perfect Sports Article” »