Author Archives: M.B.A. Baracus

A Note to Futfanatico Shareholders, Business Partners, and Customers

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Dear Shareholders,.

It’s that time of the year again: deals season. Something about Spring turns a young man’s fancy into a merger & acquisition. Two years ago, the Puffington Host attempted a hostile takeover of this fine media company. Last year, we attempted a strategic partnership with For Profit college FutSail Onlne University. Neither worked out. And this year? With the NYSE near record highs and many private companies going public (and vice versa), one would expect a similar deal. However, the current US presidential administration has created a maze of regulatory uncertainty.

Thus, the only deal we can count on is a raw deal for business partners and customers. Here’s why.

Continue reading “A Note to Futfanatico Shareholders, Business Partners, and Customers” »

One World Futbol, One Word: Profit

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MBA Baracus has been on a hot streak. Shortly after encouraging you to buy shares of Spanish-club Real Oviedo, the world’s richest man, Carlos “Gordito” Slim, invested heavily in the team. Thus, all earlier shareholders went from fearing bankruptcy to sitting pretty. Inevitably, folks want to know – what is the next scrapyard investment recommended by the ruckus-causing Baracus? Here goes. 

Have you heard about the indestructible soccer ball? If not, watch the above video. Or, click here. Now, the background and the forecast. Continue reading “One World Futbol, One Word: Profit” »

Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio: Real Oviedo >>> BUY

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Barack Obama has won the Presidency. Thus, the tax-reduced dividend gravy train of the last decade is coming to an end. You, the savvy investor, face a brave new world of returns, but not in the blue chips. Rather, you must embrace risk. You must seek dangerous but possibly profitable returns in overlooked businesses and even depressed markets. Where are you right now? Cash. CDs. DVDs. Muni bonds. James Bonds. Saving Accounts. Count Draculas. Nobody really understands all those financial terms, not even your broker. Your retirement plan is a joke, a relic from 2010 like Hipster Runoff or the Tea Party. The fact your financial adviser is called a “broke-r” is worrisome.

Still, there remains hope. Allow me to impart some financial wisdom on you. By coincidence, a fantastic bargain has come up in the world of soccer. Continue reading “Diversifying Your Investment Portfolio: Real Oviedo >>> BUY” »

Note to Shareholders from the European Championships

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To our shareowners:

Disappointing Russian yields, risk management, undervalued Greek bonds, conflicts of interest, stuttering Polish protocols….walk into certain Futfanatico meetings, and you may momentarily think that you’ve stumbled into a European history lecture. However, you’d be mistaken.

Look inside a current textbook on finance, and you’ll find patterns that we don’t apply at Futfanatico. We use high-performance tracking systems, complex game and cash flow monitoring, neural networks, probabilistic decision making, Open Office instead of Word, and a wide variety of other techniques. And while many of our systems are based on the latest in computer science research, this often hasn’t been sufficient: our architects and engineers have had to advance research in directions that no academic had yet taken. Many of the problems we face have no textbook solution, and so we, happily, invent now approaches.

And what has this meant to you, the shareholder, in terms of results during this Euro 2012 tournament? Continue reading “Note to Shareholders from the European Championships” »