Nothing plagues the sports world like the “next” label. In chess, every talented American player is the next Bobby Fischer. In soccer, Neymar is the “next Pele” and Messi is the “next Maradona.” Fans cling to nationalities as predictors of success and prototypical molds.
Which is why EPL clubs continue to sign Spanish strikers. Continue reading “The Next Nino Torres” »
Lots of people hate Americans. As an American, I always like to think that, like, Americans are a diverse group of people with different tastes, political beliefs, and values (to an extent). Thus, you can hate some of us, but not all of us. Still, people hate Americans. And I can kinda understand why.
Look at what Hicks & Gillett did to Liverpool. Or the Glazers to United. Sadly, the American businessmen who go abroad and look to personally profit off a nice, juicy, large business with big revenue streams are precisely the last person you would ever want anywhere near anything you care about in anyway. I would not let the Glazers dogsit my dog for two hours. A lot of bad things can happen in 120 minutes, after all.
And then I thought of an absolute nightmare. Continue reading “What if Donald Trump Bought Your Soccer Club?” »
The Guardian has reported that the Premier League has refused to adopt even a voluntary version of the NFL’s so-called “Rooney Rule”, whereby at least one minority candidate must be interviewed for every open coaching position. This is sad because talented and smart guys like Clarence Seedorf often get overlooked or pushed out the door too early to make way for the Pippo Inzaghis of the world.
One thing that also bugs me about this non-decision, though, is the circular justification. But I’m also annoyed by a certain acronym used in this debate. Continue reading “Who’s to BLAME for the lack of Rooney Rule in the EPL?” »
Editor’s note: technical difficulties meant we could not post this article last Thursday as planned. Luckily, nothing since then has changed as all sports writing focuses on eternal Platonic truths, not the passing whims of fans based on a single result.
I am a fan of Manchester United, but have always respected Arsenal. And not just because of all the celebrity fans. Rather, Arsene Wenger has prudently managed the team’s finances and won some silverware over his 20 year (almost) reign. Talent recognizes and respects talent. Wenger has oozed class and brilliance for years. Yes, the Invincibles’ season seems like an eternity ago, but you don’t just qualify for the Champions League year after year by magic. Or at least that’s what I thought from the outside looking in.
All that changed on Wednesday when Arsenal lost to Olympiakos. Continue reading “My Article on Arsene Wenger From Last Thursday” »
Diego Costa. You hate him. You love him. You love him because some hate him. You hate him because others love him. He’s basically taken the mantle of “abrasive striker” left vacant by Luis Suarez at Liverpool. He scores goals, but is a colossal prick. You would not enjoy playing a game of soccer against him, unless of course you’re into the whole mosh-pit-meets-UFC thing.
Words have been written about Costa. Takes of various degrees of heat, some tepid, some lukewarm, others toasty, have made rounds around the internet. Yet if an image says a thousand words, then a GIF says about 5-10,000 words because it’s about 5-10 images. Thus, enjoy this long-form return to Listicle GIF form. Continue reading “Scorched Earth “Hot Takes” Worthy of Diego Costa” »
Resultology, the term and school of thought, is the immediate overreaction to results of EPL clubs on any particular matchday in a European competition. Of course, resultology exists in all walks of life and all parts of futbol and sports. It is a branch of Utilitarian analysis whereby we focus on results, and then work our way backwards to an explanation. Like all logic, resultology strives to use reason to make sense of the universe.
Here’s the problem: sometimes shit just happens. Continue reading “The Hilarious “Resultology” of EPL Clubs in Europe” »
Oh, hello again. You didn’t forget me, did you? After our exhausting adventure with team touch zones, I knew you’d be fatigued. But now you’ve had your chance to rest, to catch a breath, to relax those tense tense muscles. Now that the English Premiership has swung back into action, you and I need to get those juices flowing.
Just close your eyes and open wide. Continue reading “SoccErotica: Sensible SportsWriter Feeds You Steamy Takes” »
Unless your last name is Carnegie or Rockafeller, you dislike monopolies. The reason for your disdain is understandable. In the open market, a single business growing to gargantuan proportions can use its weight to either screw over consumers or suppliers. Often, they do both. On the one hand, you have Amazon and Wal-mart always trying to reduce prices and thus benefit consumers. However, how do they do this? By leaning hard and unrelentingly on suppliers. In Amazon’s case, for example, they’ve used eBook dominance to slash prices which reduces royalties paid to the authors and editors who make books happen in the first place.
Thus, we all dislike monopolies. However, there’s only one thing worse: trite journalism. Continue reading “The Ubiquitous Annual “EPL Monopoly of Four” Article” »
Hello again, dearest, beloved querido reader. Remember a few months ago this steamy post where I used the second person to include you in on some scintillating writing about root-and-branch analyses? English clubs were stinking up the Champions League, so you and I, hands firmly clasped, strolled about and ruminated (hint hint) as to why that was. We embraced, our breaths so close as to become one, and concluded the problem was the root which needed to be changed.
Now, I’m happy to say, I’m back for sloppy seconds. Why? Because a new soccer analytic has totally gotten the soccer world all steamy: “team touch zones.” Continue reading “SoccErotica: the Rise and Hot Heat of “Team Touch Zones”” »
In case you hadn’t noticed, I’ve been pretty busy. I have a wife and two kids. I have a full time job. Thus, due to time constraints, Futfanatico is now officially a once-a-week blog. I say this because I hate it when a blog or site just disappears with no explanation. I also refuse to alter the long-ish style and oddness of my posts here – I could try and write two-paragraph, snappy, sarcastic responses to the daily news, but that’s what Dirty Tackle is for. Another pet peeve for me is when a crazy good site just turns into a link mini-post mill. Thus, for the record, I will be writing here once a week original posts not found elsewhere.
However, the biggest factor in my drop in time is that I have been writing elsewhere. Therefore, about once a month, I will post links to that writing. If you want to know about my writing elsewhere a bit quicker, follow me on twitter. Continue reading “Find my writing at these great sites……” »