It is an ancient Midfielder,
And he stoppeth one of two.
‘By the long grey beard and glittering eye,
Now wherefore stopp’st you?
Continue reading “The Rime of the Ancient Box-to-Box Midfielder” »
Category Archives: Arsenal
Globalization Myths & EPL Ticket Prices
Ahh, neoliberal economics. Words like “merit” and “competition” get tossed around like popcorn in a hot kettle. The “free” exchange of goods, labor, currency, and information will, like a rising tide, lift all boats eventually. If we just repeat that last line five times really fast, it will come true.
Why such a vague and opaque opening ramble? EPL ticket prices. Rather, the soaring, ever-increasing EPL ticket prices.
Allow me to explain. Continue reading “Globalization Myths & EPL Ticket Prices” »
Tactics: Does Lukas Podolski Stretch or Expand Arsenal?
The Podolski puzzle. For almost a decade, the German has shined for his national team and enjoyed a few good seasons in the Bundesliga at now-relegated club Cologne. However, doubts lingered. Criticisms circled. Why did Lukas struggle and leave Bayern Munich? Was it his mentality? Is he only good as a big fish in a little pond? Was he played out of position? What, exactly is his position? And therein lies the dilemma.
A dilemma which Arsene Wenger must now face. Continue reading “Tactics: Does Lukas Podolski Stretch or Expand Arsenal?” »
Ashley Cole isn’t a Mercenary, just Misunderstood
Merriam-Webster defines “mercenary” as “having or marked by an eager and often selfish desire especially for material possessions.” Arsenal fans recall the Ashley Cole saga. In 2005, Ashley, his agent, and several Chelsea honchos met at a hotel to discuss his footballing services. He did not inform Arsenal of the meeting, the word “tap up” took on a whole new meaning, and he was fined. However, he did sign a one year extension with Arsenal.
Nevertheless, Cole departed for Chelsea after only a year later. In his own words, Arsenal’s offer of 55,000 pounds per week left him “trembling with anger.” Despite this admission, Ashley, nicknamed “Cashley” in some parts, has claimed steadfastly that he left Arsenal for footballing reasons. This summer he opened a twitter account, and promptly taunted Gunners fans with his trophy haul since leaving. 11 to 0, for the record. Conclusive proof Cashley is no mercenary? Not quite. Continue reading “Ashley Cole isn’t a Mercenary, just Misunderstood” »
Past Optimistic Quotes from Fans of Arsenal FC
Oh, Arsenal. We saw the Van Persie exit a mile away, but Song? Really? Really? For 15,000 pounds a week in a salary bump? Premature, knee jerk conclusion: Arsenal is definitely not playing “Moneyball.” Moneyball is an attempt to obtain a sporting advantage over rivals through the use of novel statistics. Arsenal doesn’t play “Moneyball” because they put money before the ball, not after. Arsenal plays monopoly but without the dice. Pass start. Collect Champions League cash. Do not win trophy. Play again.
In a pessimistic sense, one could say that Arsenal’s transient and often youthful roster mirrors the failure of the 21st century community to offer steady and stable employment for the world’s crop of widely talented twenty-somethings. New Arsenal players arrive wide-eyed and eager to work with Mr. Wenger. They come from such lovely destinations as relegated German club Cologne and financially destitute Spanish club Malaga. However, within a few years, rather than get a raise or promotion, they get sold to Barcelona or an EPL contender. Faces change, but the revolving door keeps spinning. On the other hand, Gunners are not unpaid intern’s assistants who run to Starbucks to get the right diabetic-friendly sugar. They get a chance to play and are paid well, even if most players come on a relatively short-term lease, not for life.
Still, to use a comparison, the Gunners eerily look like several of the mid-sized financial services firms in the Washington, D.C. area. These firms hire recent college graduates, get two years out of them at a very modest salary, and then expect (or indirectly force) them to jump ship. No salary increase ever. No improved benefits. Just the door if you have the audacity to ask. In a real sense, Arsenal bothers us because sport is fantasy and escapism for many. To look at a “sporting” club and see the same turnover business culture stirs the stomach. You may call Van Purse-strings a mercenary, but Song? No way.
Still, ’twas not always so. Hope springs eternal. I found and now somewhat pleasurably (in the Schadenfraude sense) offer a few highlight quotes from friends of mine that are Arsenal fans. Names have been changed to protect the perpetually embarrassed and masochistic. Continue reading “Past Optimistic Quotes from Fans of Arsenal FC” »
The English Premiership’s Wake
riverrun, past Oxford and London, from swerve of shore to bend of bay, brings us by a commodity vicious of recirculation back again and backin and agack. Tamesas, you dark bastard! Why do we drink from you? Wealth hen. Howbootinotherzip? Continue reading “The English Premiership’s Wake” »
How Arsenal fans delude themselves
Look who’s topped the table for almost three straight months! Only an Emirates Cup loss could kill this momentum. O losses. Even goal difference. 2 of those 4 columns are coming up Gunner. Will this be remembered as the summer of Arsenal?
Euro 2012: England, Interrupted
For the last decade, the English national team has followed a comfortable and somewhat regular pattern. First, aside from 2008, qualify for an international soccer tournament. Second, assemble a roster of the EPL‘s top goalscorers. Third, optimistically (or naively or unreasonably) set the bar high. Fourth, lose in the second round or quarterfinals. Fifth, do some half-ass soul searching. Sixth, forget recent history and start the cycle anew.
England easily qualified for the World Cup in 2010, stocked the roster with goalscoring midfielders like Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard, and Fabio Capello spoke of a semifinal showing. However, the Three Lions lost in the second round to the Germans. Soon thereafter, folks pointed the finger at the coach, the youth academy set-up, and, of course, the players. Few people stopped to think: hey, a quarterfinal showing is pretty good for a good team. Granted, great teams normally make the semifinals and only a great team with a bit of luck can win a tournament. England, though, is a very good team. As a very good team, they consistently make the second round and sometimes get to the semis. Isn’t that good? No.
For Euro 2012, the cycle started anew. Don Fabio stayed on and England qualified for the Euros pretty easily. However, before England could properly start to weigh down its players with unrealistic expectations, a series of freak occurrences happened. And they threaten to upset the soccer world equilibrium. Continue reading “Euro 2012: England, Interrupted” »
The Only Possible Way for Arsenal to Retain Robin Van Persie
Several months ago, I speculated that Robin Van Persie may leave Arsenal this summer. At the time, I optimistically envisioned him heading to Barcelona. Why was that optimistic? Well, City had not yet won a trophy, whereas Barcelona were on track to win a possible three. Also, David Villa suffered from a serious injury. Thus, if Robin Van Persie wanted to win trophies, as reports suggest, Barcelona was a good fit. And we all know that the year before a contract expires is when things happen. Arsenal would never let Robin eventually leave on a free transfer, so he’s either signing an extension or getting sold.
However, things have changed. City allegedly has offered Van Persie a ton of money, and also can now boast a title. Robin says that he’s only interested in trophies, and presumably the Emirates Cup won’t cut it. I also don’t think next season Wenger would pull a Dalglish, focus on the FA or Carling Cup, and risk a spot in Europe (and that delightful Champions League cash). Arsenal also won’t open the checkbook too much. Robin is close to 30 and, let’s recall, has had few injury-free seasons. How can the Dutchman remain with Arsenal?
After lots of soul searching and research, I’ve concluded that there’s only one way to keep him a Gunner. Continue reading “The Only Possible Way for Arsenal to Retain Robin Van Persie” »
Amazing Real Life Moments In Jaded Hipster Soccer Fandom
The ironic aviator sunglasses. The sincere prescription Buddy Holly bifocals. The skinny, tight jeans. The scarves. The thrift store t-shirts. The rent checks from trust funds and/or parents. The flippant remarks that reveal angst at their inevitable return to tax haven exurbs to reproduce within a decade. Everyone loves to mock hipsters. Everyone, except me. I welcome them with open arms as a valued and relatively new member of the soccer blogosphere ecosystem. I am excited by the prospects that their offhanded, cynical comments will inspire us all to reflect upon important and salient issues. I even chuckled at the Timbers cat cameo on Portlandia.
More importantly, I have documented a few memorable hipster quotes relating to the footy interwebs. Of course, names, dates, and locations are not revealed to protect the innocent. Enjoy! Continue reading “Amazing Real Life Moments In Jaded Hipster Soccer Fandom” »