Category Archives: Arsenal

The EPL Explained: Saturday Morning Glory

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Across the Atlantic, why do we set our alarm clocks and spring out of bed to watch Manchester United play West Brom? Granted, expats with childhood affections and personal ties can claim a strong emotional stake. But notoriously fickle American consumers? Is it the lingering anglo ties to the mother land? The quality of the competition. I concede these factors play a part. But I have another explanation in mind.

Rocky. Bullwinkle. Bugs Bunny. Garfield & friends. X-Men. Yes. Cartoons. No, I am not implying that the EPL has a cartoonish quality. I would never do that, not even in subtle extended metaphor that punches you in the face. Rather, Americans for generations have grown up with Saturday morning cartoons to start the day. As we grow older, the time slot remains open,  yet the animated antics do not elicit the same laughter.

Enter Steven Gerrard backpass land. Continue reading “The EPL Explained: Saturday Morning Glory” »

An Honest & Thorough Inquiry into EPL Truths

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With several matches played, the dark haze clouding our view of football in England has finally started to disperse. Now, with the crystal clear light of the holiest of truths, we set upon the most divine of inquisitive expeditions. We turn a deciphering eye upon the UK, helping you to distinguish the verdad santisima from the deceptive half-truths mulling about. Let us begin.

First, it is never fair to single out a single player for a loss. In a game of 22 moving players, the sum must be greater than the parts. Teammates must compensate for individual lapses. But still, the statistics do not lie – Manchester City with David Silva in the lineup has never beaten Arsenal. True, Botaya’s red card in the opening ten minutes tilted the field towards the Gunners, but…City with Silva in the starting eleven has never defeated the Gunners. Stats never lie – you just don’t read them right. Continue reading “An Honest & Thorough Inquiry into EPL Truths” »

The Return of the Crab!

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After a deserved summer respite, the Crab has returned! Have a look see at why Theo Walcott may not be a man of steel. And Sol Campbell looks…kinda like the Brazilian Ronaldo. Will he still feast on opposing forwards? Now all we need is for the shite weather in the UK to drive Fredo and Nick indoors so they get back to blogging and for Tom to remember that blogging is more fun than grad school. Everything is almost in it’s…in it’s…..in it’s riiiiiiiiiiiiiight plaaaaaaaaaaaace.

A Glance at the Premiere of the Premiership

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There is a saying – familiarity breeds contempt. However, for the attacking trident of Chelsea, a keen understanding and movement has led to a whopping 12-0 goal differential and two wins. Granted, neither West Brom nor Wigan will be fighting for titles this season, but…but…but…six goals is six goals is six goals. Continue reading “A Glance at the Premiere of the Premiership” »

Primping & Preening Premiership Preview

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Ahhh vacation, when the neurotic micromanage time into tiny tidbits not long enough to melt 24 hours into eternity. The American vacation, not necessarily synonymous with occupation of a foreign nation, usually revolves around “to do lists”, “guidebooks”, and breakneck walking as we try to see the Eiffel tower, the Mesquite de Cordoba, and the Coliseum all in one day. In sum, we need vacations from our vacation. And that time has come.

My original plans for this Premiership preview were quite simple – I would link to Brian who would link to Fredo. Last year, SIATS blew everybody’s collective mind by accurately predicting to the tenth degree every single Premiership fixture and 75% of the Cup thinger-ma-jigger-whatever(s). It was as if Nostradamus had broken the outer lens of the the Hubble telescope, turned it into a peace pipe, and graciously passed around some of that knowledge.

Alas, I am afraid it appears Bedorarrci has drugged the protagonist and I must carry Frodo to the promised land. With help from Kate Perry of course. So here you have it – a Premiership preview in terms of vapid pop songs that plagued the airwaves in the US of A. Or, alternatively, “how to improve mobility and decrease risk of cardiovascular illness your next stay-cation.” Vamos. Continue reading “Primping & Preening Premiership Preview” »

The 2010 Premier Premiership Revue Review

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Was this a season of disappointment? Of competitive balance? A two horse race with an overpriced and underachieving show pony stealing headlines? Has the European soccer planet shifted gravitational pull towards the Iberian peninsula? The story lines abounded, and a few refreshing moments shall wet your appetite before the MOST IMPORTANT EVENT is explained. Continue reading “The 2010 Premier Premiership Revue Review” »

Arsenal vs. Barcelona – Recap, Stats, Video

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I have a theory – search engines prove that machines will never ever be able to supplant human beings, only replacing the flesh & bone eventually with cold steel. Leo Messi has boldly left the cocoon behind, never again to caterpillar up or down a leaf. Is he secretly the lovechild of a Maradonna mariposa? How far can his golden wings take him? Only the wind knows….

Arsenal, Barcelona, & the Beautiful Game Myth

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In the soccer sporting world, certain assertions are taken as universal truth. A headed goal is ugly. A pass in the air that sales for over 30 yards is “direct.” A team unwilling to pressure for possession, instead waiting to capitalize on mistakes, is cynical. The linear equation of “pass + pass = beauty” can be replicated on an exponential scale. Arsenal & Barcelona, of course, embody this principle in the flesh & blood. But, in anticipation of the Kantian ideal of beauty vs. the slightly-better-looking Kantian ideal of beauty, the rematch, I suggest such statistics fail to account for certain integers that loiter in a gas station parking lot between X and Y.

And, of course, we are to blame for not seeing them. Continue reading “Arsenal, Barcelona, & the Beautiful Game Myth” »

Recap: Arsenal v. United – The Big Sleep

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London was the kind of town you could live in your whole life and never call home. London smiles at you like a mother but only loves you like a mistress. You only got into trouble when you confused the two, and you couldn’t help but confuse the two.

So at this redhead’s insistence I’d followed her ex(?) husband, this Glasgow Shipping magnate, from Merseyside to West London to the Piccadilly stop. Given his acquaintances and enemies, I’d deduced he may be in shipping, but not of the legal variety. But who was I to  pass judgment? What bugged me was my client’s own motives. She sent a check a week that didn’t bounce, but what was in it for her? I didn’t see jealousy. This was one of those aristocratic marriages of convenience – she went from daddy’s checkbook to the next available bank account. Only a slight difference in age.

So what was I to do? Well, spy on my own client, that’s what. But first I had to nose around the old Highbury haunts and see an old friend.

First, for the sake of sanity, I gathered my thoughts and recalled how I got to where I was. I had followed the Scot and his lanky boys, one of’ em  “Vandy”, to a bar in Merseyside which ended in a brawl with some clowns. I recall a big Blondie doing most of the damage. The Scot also had a young dame at his arm in a stunning red dress. Continue reading “Recap: Arsenal v. United – The Big Sleep” »