INITUM CALCITRO – the New eBook & How You Can Help

Time to let the cat out of the bag: a second eBook may soon be on the way. After the modest success of “An Illustrated Guide” and extensive talks with Erik Ebeling, the artist from said guide, I have decided to try and tackle a much more daunting topic: the first 100 years of history of Real Madrid & Barcelona. I’ve sketched the concept, done some research, and even put finger to keyboard on a few sections. However, there’s one tiny problem. Luckily, though, you can help.

Continue reading “INITUM CALCITRO – the New eBook & How You Can Help” »

Jurgen Habermas Reflects Upon Jose Mourinho, Real Madrid

In light of Real Madrid’s La Liga winning campaign, we are privileged and honored to welcome to the site German sociologist Jurgen Habermas. He is very well known for defending annoying yet long-lasting concepts, like modernity. In that vain, he graciously agreed to answer questions about our beloved Real Madrid and the Special One, Jose Mourinho. His answers will surprise, confuse, and maybe even infuriate you.

Hopefully.

Continue reading “Jurgen Habermas Reflects Upon Jose Mourinho, Real Madrid” »

Real Madrid v. Barcelona – the Morning After the Mourning After

In Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man & the Sea, an elderly fisherman struggles for several days to catch and subdue an enormous marlin. Once he vanquishes the beast, ties it to his boat, and heads to shore, a group of sharks arrive and eat the fish. He tries in vain to fend off the sharks with his oar, but returns home, exhausted and empty-handed. The lesson? Time, represented by the sharks, will eventually take everything from your grip – no matter how tight you hold on.

Last Saturday at the Nou Camp, Real Madrid were the sharks. Real Madrid, Barcelona, La Liga, Clasico

OWN GOALS – Some Soccer Goodness From the Interwebs

The soccer interwebs are a large and scary place. Sometimes, you try to find an amusing GIF of a petulant foul or amazing free kick and you end up in a forum cave, surrounded by trolls that will defend King Kenny to the death. Tread with caution. And check out these pre-approved links. Continue reading “OWN GOALS – Some Soccer Goodness From the Interwebs” »

FSOU – Barcelona vs. AC Milan, Preview of a Recap of an MBM

Within the world of sports writing, three sub-categories of sacred text about games have developed that deserve your attention. They are (1) the Preview, (2) the Minute by Minute or “MBM”, and (3) the Recap. Each one of these requires a unique skill set and is absolutely mandatory – you have no chance of writing for a major media outlet or getting mad pageviews if you do not copy to the letter the form, style, and content we are about to share. Continue reading “FSOU – Barcelona vs. AC Milan, Preview of a Recap of an MBM” »

Amazing Real Life Moments In Jaded Hipster Soccer Fandom

The ironic aviator sunglasses. The sincere prescription Buddy Holly bifocals. The skinny, tight jeans. The scarves. The thrift store t-shirts. The rent checks from trust funds and/or parents. The flippant remarks that reveal angst at their inevitable return to tax haven exurbs to reproduce within a decade. Everyone loves to mock hipsters. Everyone, except me. I welcome them with open arms as a valued and relatively new member of the soccer blogosphere ecosystem. I am excited by the prospects that their offhanded, cynical comments will inspire us all to reflect upon important and salient issues. I even chuckled at the Timbers cat cameo on Portlandia.

More importantly, I have documented a few memorable hipster quotes relating to the footy interwebs. Of course, names, dates, and locations are not revealed to protect the innocent. Enjoy! Continue reading “Amazing Real Life Moments In Jaded Hipster Soccer Fandom” »

Casillas, Iniesta, & A Transcendental Materialist Theory of Subjectivity


So, you’ve probably seen the Iniesta-Casillas commercial. The two of them pretend to be fans of random strangers and ask for autographs and photographs. On a basic level, it’s a tongue & cheek look at the roles we as fans play as compared to players. In following the academic trend of “gutchecks,” the immediate emotional response is a wry smile and perhaps a laugh. It’s nice to see these Spanish footballers off the pedestal. However, I’m not about to let this work of art escape the rigorous academic critique it deserves.

As a starting point, please have a copy of Zizek’s “The Sublime Object of  Ideology” handy. Why? Well, only Hegel and psychoanalysis can shed light on the deeper meanings and reaches of this “advertisement.” This film, ahem, actually reveals a fissure point that divides the idealistic concept of the “All” from the materialist notion of the “apparent All.” We derive pleasure from seeing it, but ultimately it revolves around the Freudian death drive’s attempt to grasp the totality of reality. Here’s how. Continue reading “Casillas, Iniesta, & A Transcendental Materialist Theory of Subjectivity” »

Pepe – the Deserving Face of UEFA's Financial Fair Play

Batman without the bat signal. Superman sans the cape. Mr. Clean without that rough and tumble earring. Every hero needs an icon. And justice, a diffuse concept that is not easily grasped by materialistic minds, needs a hero. Always. Since the start of time; ’til the end of time.

UEFA’s Financial Fair Play is no different. A recent report shows over half of European soccer clubs uncomfortably in the red. What’s worse is that the “Jones effect” is in full swing – like an obnoxiously new rich gated community in a tax haven exurb, the top clubs spend and abuse credit to compete with one another to win. Obviously, not all debt is bad. To use a person analogy, many professionals rely on student loans to advance themselves and their families. However, the UEFA report shows more shady car dealers than doctors. More disparagingly, Platini, the lapboy of Blatter, does not instill fear. Imagine him in a batsuit, leaping from a rooftop into a dark alleyway to punch a mugger. However, after landing a dainty single blow, he buckles over and is gassed for air.

We tried a special Supporters’ Trust (FCDSTT) to stem debt, but it failed. UEFA needs a hero. Justice needs a face. And I believe it should be Pepe. Continue reading “Pepe – the Deserving Face of UEFA's Financial Fair Play” »

Proudly Presenting the Bitter Barcelona Pic Caption Contest

Have heart Real Madrid faithful, the Phoenix shall rise from the ashes. Barcelona‘s roster will age, wither, and eventually lose to us on a more regular basis. However, until then, we must cope. Seven points give us solace, but not joy. Rumors of Mou’s departure stalk our nightmares. Only one thing can brighten these dark times: laughing at amusing and ill conceived pictures.

In that respect, I present the first ever Futfanatico Caption Contest with the grand prize being the honorary title of “First Ever Champion of a Futfanatico Caption Contest.” Put that on your Linkedin Profile and smoke it! But seriously, here are the rules: Continue reading “Proudly Presenting the Bitter Barcelona Pic Caption Contest” »