Song: “Philosophy” by Ben Folds Five
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Champions League Penalty Kick Shootout? CECH MATE!
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Category Archives: Champions League
LIST – Bayern Munich vs. Chelsea, Champions League Final Predictions
Your gambling addiction is a serious problem. Savings. Car payments. Rent. Cash flows through your soon-to-close bank account like a raging river. However, there’s still hope. All you need is one really really big win to leap back into the red (and not get your knee caps broken). How can you accomplish this feat?
With these can’t miss Champions League predictions. Continue reading “LIST – Bayern Munich vs. Chelsea, Champions League Final Predictions” »
INITUM CALCITRO – the New eBook & How You Can Help
Time to let the cat out of the bag: a second eBook may soon be on the way. After the modest success of “An Illustrated Guide” and extensive talks with Erik Ebeling, the artist from said guide, I have decided to try and tackle a much more daunting topic: the first 100 years of history of Real Madrid & Barcelona. I’ve sketched the concept, done some research, and even put finger to keyboard on a few sections. However, there’s one tiny problem. Luckily, though, you can help.
Continue reading “INITUM CALCITRO – the New eBook & How You Can Help” »
Confessions of an Unabashed European Soccer Snob
Some people run from the truth.They flee from their own pathetic failure of a life and hide in the world of soccer. These feeble humans turn themselves into ostriches and stick their heads underground. Or worse, MLS. Why? The truth hurts. At least if you’re utterly pathetic and really defensive about your utterly patheticness. Me, though, I stroll through life like the sole rooster in the hen house. Peacocks cock their heads to see my plumage. Why? Because I am a fan of European soccer, not MLS. I belong to the elite of the elite.
And you? Well, North American ostrich, I have bad news. You belong to a very confused, defensive, and at times reprehensible nativist community. Allow me to explain why myself and European soccer are better than you and MLS. The evidence will astound you. Continue reading “Confessions of an Unabashed European Soccer Snob” »
One Last Special & Emotional Pep Talk
Frank Lampard: the Diary of an Old Midfielder
The Frank Lampard preservation society proudly offers another edition of the groundbreaking, intimate, and kinda shallow life of a Chelsea legend. In this episode, Frank smirks, gloats, and then smirk-gloats. A lot. Continue reading “Frank Lampard: the Diary of an Old Midfielder” »
Amazing Real Life Moments In Jaded Hipster Soccer Fandom
The ironic aviator sunglasses. The sincere prescription Buddy Holly bifocals. The skinny, tight jeans. The scarves. The thrift store t-shirts. The rent checks from trust funds and/or parents. The flippant remarks that reveal angst at their inevitable return to tax haven exurbs to reproduce within a decade. Everyone loves to mock hipsters. Everyone, except me. I welcome them with open arms as a valued and relatively new member of the soccer blogosphere ecosystem. I am excited by the prospects that their offhanded, cynical comments will inspire us all to reflect upon important and salient issues. I even chuckled at the Timbers cat cameo on Portlandia.
More importantly, I have documented a few memorable hipster quotes relating to the footy interwebs. Of course, names, dates, and locations are not revealed to protect the innocent. Enjoy! Continue reading “Amazing Real Life Moments In Jaded Hipster Soccer Fandom” »
Chelsea-Player & Tactical Revolutions Collide, Igniting Civil War
Remember five years ago when Chelsea post EPL game press conferences revolved around Jose Mourinho complaining that Joe Cole dribbled too much? The Blues would have just ground out a 1-0 win over a lower level team, conceded zero shots on frame, and edged possession by 55% to 45%. Still, we held our breath and waited for Mou to furl his eyebrow and toss subtle barbs at Joe Cole’s selfish decision to dribble at a defender. January transfer? Dropped from first team? Nobody paused to think – this is a pretty boring but effective team. Nope, we got bent out of shape over the allegedly tempestuous ties between Jose and England’s prodigious child.
No more. Continue reading “Chelsea-Player & Tactical Revolutions Collide, Igniting Civil War” »
Pepe – the Deserving Face of UEFA's Financial Fair Play
Batman without the bat signal. Superman sans the cape. Mr. Clean without that rough and tumble earring. Every hero needs an icon. And justice, a diffuse concept that is not easily grasped by materialistic minds, needs a hero. Always. Since the start of time; ’til the end of time.
UEFA’s Financial Fair Play is no different. A recent report shows over half of European soccer clubs uncomfortably in the red. What’s worse is that the “Jones effect” is in full swing – like an obnoxiously new rich gated community in a tax haven exurb, the top clubs spend and abuse credit to compete with one another to win. Obviously, not all debt is bad. To use a person analogy, many professionals rely on student loans to advance themselves and their families. However, the UEFA report shows more shady car dealers than doctors. More disparagingly, Platini, the lapboy of Blatter, does not instill fear. Imagine him in a batsuit, leaping from a rooftop into a dark alleyway to punch a mugger. However, after landing a dainty single blow, he buckles over and is gassed for air.
We tried a special Supporters’ Trust (FCDSTT) to stem debt, but it failed. UEFA needs a hero. Justice needs a face. And I believe it should be Pepe. Continue reading “Pepe – the Deserving Face of UEFA's Financial Fair Play” »
Frank Lampard: the Diary of an Old Midfielder
The Frank Lampard Appreciation Society proudly presents yet another chapter in the unedited, uncut version a of Frank Lampard’s diary from this season. Read at your own risk. Warning – this content may not be suitable for mature adults. Continue reading “Frank Lampard: the Diary of an Old Midfielder” »