Horrific Tragedy Bootstrapped to Champions League Recap

This past weekend, a German referee attempted to commit suicide. CNN reported on this tragedy, and also managed to sneak in the same article some game recaps. Tactful! The Guardian did one better, reporting racism charges against Luis Suarez while also letting us know that the alleged racist did not play in an international friendly due to injury. Useful! I will now do them both one up by reporting on this week’s Champions League fixtures…..and the gruesome puppy death(s).

(Associated & Fabricated Press) – Today, we regret to report the death of over 200 adorable puppies. And a less than adorable nun and bus driver. At eight o’clock at night, the Save-a-Pup bus, full of 200 recently rescued puppies, rambled down the road on its way to a warm & welcoming puppy shelter. Little did the driver realize that rather than heading towards Brownsville, Texas, he and the puppies were on track for their own grisly deaths. Continue reading “Horrific Tragedy Bootstrapped to Champions League Recap” »

The Baffling & Blessed Grace of One Argentine Lionel Messi

I’ve heard there was a special chord

That Ray Hudson sang when Messi scored

But you don’t really care for pundits, do you?

It goes like this

The fourth, the fifth

The Xavi pass, the Andres split

The baffled d decomposing Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Hallelujah, Hallelujah

Continue reading “The Baffling & Blessed Grace of One Argentine Lionel Messi” »

OWN GOALS – the Futfanatico eBook & some entertaining links

After much deliberation and feedback, the soccer eBook is now available in a DRM-less ePub format at Goodreads. Right here. What does that mean? Well, for those folks who do not have a Kindle or Nook, you can now purchase the book for $5.99 to then download and read on pretty much any other device. If you rock the open source Calibre, you can read it. If you use Adobe Digital Editions, you’re also included. And, of course, you can simply use the Goodreads eBook reader by simply signing up.

Speaking of the eBook, Robert of theTwoUnfortunates wrote a positive review that you can check out here. Terry Duffelen, blogger, podder & Socrates co-founder, also had some kind words to say about the eBook at Goodreads. And thus far the ratings have been squarely in the 4-5 range. Not too shabby. I’m still riding on a wave of confidence and my Vampire-High school-Law firm legal thriller/comedy series will be available from Doubleday in May of 2013.

But seriously, I promise to stop proudly boasting about the eBook until at least the new year. Scout’s honor. Books are like kids – once you have more than one, they all start to look the same & you eventually forget their names. Now, the links. Continue reading “OWN GOALS – the Futfanatico eBook & some entertaining links” »

What if the Champions League Featured Only Champions?


We live in strange times. On the one hand, being poor sucks. Every Bulgarian champion needs a helping hand and a TV payout from UEFA helps, no matter how small. On the other hand, nobody likes Kool-Aid with too much water. Dilution concerns us. Tang leaves a bitter and putrid taste in the mouth. Plus, Europe’s elite desire to face off against one another. The aristocracy demands a debutante ball with sufficiently dashing and deep-pocketed suitors. And everybody loves a spectacle of excellence. Which is why I found today’s Champions League fixture utterly pathetic.

Here’s a quick rundown of how the teams fared in their own leagues last year:

  • Manchester City-3rd place EPL,
  • Villareal-4th place La Liga,
  • Napoli-3rd place Serie A,
  • Bayern Munich-3rd place Bundesliga,
  • CSKA Moscow-2nd Place Russian Premier,
  • Trabzonspor-2nd Place Turkish Super Lig,
  • Lille-1st Place France Ligue 1,
  • Inter-2nd Place Serie A,
  • FC Basel-1st Swiss Super League,
  • Otolul Galati-1st Place Romanian Liga I,
  • Benfica-2nd Place Portuguese Primeira Liga,
  • Manchester United, 1st Place, English Premiership
  • Dinamo Zagreb-1st Place Croatian Prva HNL,
  • Ajax-1st Place Dutch Eredivisie,
  • Real Madrid – 2nd Place La Liga, and
  • Lyon-3rd Place France Ligue 1.

Did you notice the distinct lack of first places? Only 6 of those 16 teams were “Champions” of their domestic league. We can surely agree that fact is problematic. Well, I have a few ideas on how to solve that problem. Continue reading “What if the Champions League Featured Only Champions?” »

Paulo Freire Predicts the Champions League Final


Last week, a lot of amateurs dragged my good name through the mud. Basically, a handful of loons got on internet forums and felt the need to inaccurately predict the end of the world. And who pays the price? Sports-following clairvoyants like me, that’s who.

And intellectuals. Luckily, last week noted Psychoanalytic scholar Jacques Lacan spread some truth on Manchester United’s record-setting 19th title winning season. Now, we once against seek help from the world of academic all-stars: noted Postmodern educational scholar Paulo Freire gives us a peek at what to expect in the Champions League final. Continue reading “Paulo Freire Predicts the Champions League Final” »

A Proportional Response to the Soccer Racism Outbreak

My original plan was to attend an MLS game and toss a dead baby seal onto the field. Then, I thought better.

Cesar Chavez. Mahatma Gandhi. Martin Luther King Jr. These great men fought greed, colonialism, and racism with non-violence. They preached that only light can cast out darkness. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, so to speak. Yet I do not count myself among them. Not even close. Sometimes, the fireman (or firewoman) must employ a limited controlled fire in order to prevent an inferno of cataclysmic proportions. The racism in European football has reached that crisis point. And we have only one option left.

Dare I push the button? Yes. Continue reading “A Proportional Response to the Soccer Racism Outbreak” »

El Clasico Preview: Remember What We Forget We Knew

So, I heard there’s a game today. I wouldn’t know. After the Copa del Rey final, I made a resolution to turn off my television and not watch any more games until Benzema hit puberty and Andres Iniesta retired. But I’m horrible at keeping resolutions. And like a fried plantain destined to induce early onset diabetes, I have caved, opened my mouth, and am ready to expel some truth.

First, this game is all about Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi. Don’t let any encyclopedia fool you. There are not 20 other players on the field at the same time. And who really cares about statistics anyway? Twitter-addicts starved for content? Yes. But definitely nobody by that definition blogs in these parts. So play close attention to the number of touches-per-frustrated-facial-and-or-hand-gestures-per-millisecond of both Ronaldo and Messi. If you cannot find a site with such stats at hand, then get out a pen and paper to keep track yourself. Then, after the game, roll up the piece of paper and eat it. Then douse your neck in gasoline and light yourself on fire. Only you must know the truth. Continue reading “El Clasico Preview: Remember What We Forget We Knew” »

Spinning Circles in the World At Large, Part 2

If the last few weeks were slow in terms of news, this past week was a terrifying maze of delicious games. Like a child in a candy-store, I pocketed as many Hershey’s Kisses in my SopCast player as I could when my parents weren’t looking. Sadly, this lack of focus left me a tummy ache and you, the reader, some less than consistent posting.

John Lennon once said “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” I have diverted a bit of my writing spirit to the mysterious forthcoming book. Curious readers want to know the book’s topic. Soccer. Duh. But seriously, I need a polished and approved final manuscript, the final drafts of illustrations, an ISBN number, and cover before I can spill the beans. And believe you me, beans will be spilled. There will be beans….spilled….everywhere. For now, rest content knowing that a beloved soccer blogger has graciously agreed to write the foreword. Thus, at least two pages won’t suck.

However, even the book hooplah excuse no longer holds up. In my rush to crank out a palatable ebook and pocket some cash on the Kindle easily-click-purchase model, I got a curious email from a “new media company.” Many of my favorite bloggers have gone legit, so I negotiated the fine line between de facto abandoning the site, ceding editorial control, and monetizing the site (sounds dirty, doesn’t it?). Negotiations have entered a final phase. I hope I strike the right balance. History will judge me.

Updates aside, let’s get back to futbol and enjoy last week’s smorgasbord of games. And a few lessons learned. Continue reading “Spinning Circles in the World At Large, Part 2” »