Junito: Adios to the Land of Real Madrid and Futbol

I write this post with a heavy heart and trembling hands. The dream is not dead. The dream is not deferred. But young men are prone to distraction. Focus comes from experience. At only four years of age, Junito has proudly and defiantly donned the weighty expectations of millions of Real Madrid fans the world over. He is the one. He was the one. But no more.

I am sad to announce the retirement of Junito from futbol effective immediately. Continue reading “Junito: Adios to the Land of Real Madrid and Futbol” »

Junito: Dignity in Defeat, Honesty in Appraisal, Cute in a Hat

Children have superpowers. They have the capacity to unflinchingly tell the truth. And no, their tongue does not match the hurtful loose lips of sarcastic & insecure adolescents. Rather, unblinkingly, they can cut through the smoke of “fluff” to get to the grain of matters. When I asked Junito if Real Madrid could win before last Tuesday, he said “No.” But he also said Madrid was “muy bueno.” Thus represents the paradox of Mourinho’s rebuilding year: a very good team that is still second best.

Mourinho has cast a spell on everybody. We watch the Pepe-Alves foul replay. We see the Busquets mono-mouth on youtube. But these obnoxious details were known well before the wave of clasicos. What is undisputed is the noticeable improvement in the defense and garra of Madrid. Two draws and a win in four games vs. Barca is a nice pull. And the team that played last year in the Nou Camp vs. this CL second leg were miles apart in coordination, fitness, and organization.

Still. Something is not right. Continue reading “Junito: Dignity in Defeat, Honesty in Appraisal, Cute in a Hat” »

A Proportional Response to the Soccer Racism Outbreak

My original plan was to attend an MLS game and toss a dead baby seal onto the field. Then, I thought better.

Cesar Chavez. Mahatma Gandhi. Martin Luther King Jr. These great men fought greed, colonialism, and racism with non-violence. They preached that only light can cast out darkness. An eye for an eye leaves the whole world blind, so to speak. Yet I do not count myself among them. Not even close. Sometimes, the fireman (or firewoman) must employ a limited controlled fire in order to prevent an inferno of cataclysmic proportions. The racism in European football has reached that crisis point. And we have only one option left.

Dare I push the button? Yes. Continue reading “A Proportional Response to the Soccer Racism Outbreak” »

Jose Mourinho, Slavoj Zizek, Matrix, & the Real Perversion: Us

Professional coaches are funny people. For those at the top, redundant discourses emerge to explain defeat. They seldom involve the coaches. Or the players. Often, the blame rests solely on the referee. For Sir Alex, a post-game press conference involves either post-victory gloating or a treatise on the fallibility of man. And by man, I mean the man who was unlucky to ref the match. Yet Sir Alex’s discourse points to a reasonable problem: a single ref in charge of 22 professional athletes. His claims could easily spur reform such as video replay technology or more assistants.

Yet Jose Mourinho paints a much darker picture. Everywhere he walks, they stalk him. Referees do not make honest mistakes. They seek to destroy him and his livelihood: winning soccer games. Every errant call, every mistake, every penalty kick – they are sheathed daggers stuck into his back, products of malfeasance, not misfeasance. In Italy, he spoke of conspiracies. After losing to Barca, with a red card issued to red card-magnet Pepe (playing out of position), Mourinho re-opened his favorite can of worms.

So, why do we love this character? Let’s let Slavoj Zizek be our guide. Continue reading “Jose Mourinho, Slavoj Zizek, Matrix, & the Real Perversion: Us” »

Junito: Breaking Away from Bad Examples

This may shock you, but not all celebrities are great role models. Especially not celebrity athletes. Yet our judgment of these players deserves equal scrutiny. While I may do my best to defend the indefensible Balotelli and use Sergio Ramos‘ prison philanthropy to sarcastically mock overly simplistic moralization of sport, some people are just d-bags. Including us. And I don’t want my young and impressionable Junito to pick up bad habits.

So yes, the bebe saltamontes is out of his cast and bobbing around the house like a frog on amphetamines. But when he sat down to watch a bit of soccer with his old man, I quickly had to change the channel. Why? No, not a Wayne Rooney celebration. The culprit(s)? Rafael Van Der Vaart. Ibrahimovic. Even my beloved Mesut Ozil!

They are the kings of the potty mouth. Continue reading “Junito: Breaking Away from Bad Examples” »

Raul Gonzalez is Raving Mad Happy about Germany

In case you missed it last Saturday, our dear friend Raul Gonzalez wrote a diary entry for Dirty Tackle about several topics. First, he was happy for Brazilian Ronaldo’s send-off at Madrid two weeks back. Second, Raul clarified that he does not compulsively read about Real Madrid. And third, sadly, Raul is not returning to Real Madrid. Nothing could be further from the truth. Read here.

Cristiano Ronaldo & Messi: Staring into the Eye of the Whale

You are under water. Up above, the moonlight ripples through the ever shifting surface. But you’ve no time for distractions. Your lungs burn and your arms churn. You kick, you push, you pull, but to no avail. With your chest on fire, a large and serene entity floats into view. An eyelid recedes. You stare into the unblinking darkness. And see yourself. Then you pass out.

When you come to, you awake in the same pajamas, in the same bed, in the same house, in the same neighborhood. You turn on the tube and the same narrative dominates the sports news: “Messi v. Ronaldo!!!” But you can’t stop thinking about the whale.

Your chest still burns. Continue reading “Cristiano Ronaldo & Messi: Staring into the Eye of the Whale” »

Reclaiming the Memory of Ronaldo Luis Nazario

This past weekend, Real Madrid paid tribute to “O Fenomeno”, the Brazilian Ronaldo that lit Europe afire with dazzling goals. Ronaldo’s goals and titles speak for themselves. His career also has a fantastic counterfactual “what if” moment – the convulsive fit suffered just before the 1998 World Cup final. Only in videogames will we ever see a fit and unstoppable Ronaldo run circles around Lilian Thuram and round Fabian Barthez with ease. Okay, so it would not have been quite like that. But ask Oliver Kahn about Ronaldo’s performance in World Cup finals.

History will hopefully omit the last and tragic chapter in Ronaldo’s career: the decline. Yet a new fact has shed light on his earlier struggles with weight: Ronnie suffers from hypothyroidism. Armed with knowledge, we must take a look back at the nasty media criticisms and the alleged sports medicine professionals that failed to notice. Continue reading “Reclaiming the Memory of Ronaldo Luis Nazario” »

Spinning Circles in the World At Large, Part 2

If the last few weeks were slow in terms of news, this past week was a terrifying maze of delicious games. Like a child in a candy-store, I pocketed as many Hershey’s Kisses in my SopCast player as I could when my parents weren’t looking. Sadly, this lack of focus left me a tummy ache and you, the reader, some less than consistent posting.

John Lennon once said “Life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans.” I have diverted a bit of my writing spirit to the mysterious forthcoming book. Curious readers want to know the book’s topic. Soccer. Duh. But seriously, I need a polished and approved final manuscript, the final drafts of illustrations, an ISBN number, and cover before I can spill the beans. And believe you me, beans will be spilled. There will be beans….spilled….everywhere. For now, rest content knowing that a beloved soccer blogger has graciously agreed to write the foreword. Thus, at least two pages won’t suck.

However, even the book hooplah excuse no longer holds up. In my rush to crank out a palatable ebook and pocket some cash on the Kindle easily-click-purchase model, I got a curious email from a “new media company.” Many of my favorite bloggers have gone legit, so I negotiated the fine line between de facto abandoning the site, ceding editorial control, and monetizing the site (sounds dirty, doesn’t it?). Negotiations have entered a final phase. I hope I strike the right balance. History will judge me.

Updates aside, let’s get back to futbol and enjoy last week’s smorgasbord of games. And a few lessons learned. Continue reading “Spinning Circles in the World At Large, Part 2” »

Junito: From Petulance to Plowshares to Playing Time

We all know them. We all see them. The way they walk. The way they talk. Are they rebels? Are they outcasts? Are they cancers? Are they miscreants? Are they merely immature? How do we classify the Antonio Cassanos of the soccer universe, the players who travel from team to team, alluring with talent but repelling with character flaws? And, most importantly, how do I keep Junito out of this category?

One smells smoke before seeing fire. To this day, I believe that a certain overbearing parent wrecked my promising baseball career. I won’t name names or point fingers, but little league coaches don’t appreciate profanity-laced tirades before the end of try-outs. They envision a long and arduous season, with lots of phone calls, screams, and faces red from shouting. And they don’t select your kid.

I also know this because I have coached youth soccer. And I’ve seen the worst of the worst. Continue reading “Junito: From Petulance to Plowshares to Playing Time” »