Remember all the buzz when Jozy Altidore first signed for Sunderland? He’d just scored a plethora of goals in the Eredivisie and was ready to return to the EPL and take it by storm! Yes, the manager at the time was a bit crazy, but the team had survived relegation. Surely Jozy could knock in ten goals and guide the Black Cats to mid-table security? Right?
Then, this season happened. Continue reading “US Players: The Winding Path Backwards & Ahead” »
Arjen Robben. Bundesliga champion. La Liga champion. EPL champion. Champions League champion. Devilish winger. Bag of tricks. Powerful left foot. Many words describe the brilliant Dutchman. But few know that his truly greatest asset is his ability to keep his mouth shut: yes, that’s right, Robben is a veritable Ft. Knox of gossip.
Here are pictures of him keeping secrets. Don’t let his giddy enthusiasm fool you. Those lips are locked. Continue reading “Top 10 Pictures of Arjen Robben Trying Desperately to Keep a Secret” »
Sir Arthur Conan O’Doyle. British. Boss. His character, Sherlock Holmes, has withstood the test of time and his writings ushered in a new genre of fiction that has transcended media: the crime and the detective. Still, O’Doyle passed away in 1930. However, despite writing and publishing and dying at least six decades before the birth of James Milner, we said an odd pattern in his story titles.
They all vaguely described a certain bit of James’ anatomy. Read and judge for yourself. Continue reading “Top Ten Sherlock Holmes Story Titles that Describe James Milner’s Member” »
We love watching our Premier League footballers kicking a ball on Saturday, but what are they like off the pitch? What do they wear when out of uniform? Luckily, we scoured the webs for a closer look at England future legend and heartthrob James Milner.
Check out his finest threads when off (and sometimes on) the field. Continue reading “Top 10 Pictures of James Milner Wearing Casual (and Quasi-Casual) Attire” »
Earthquakes. They are incredibly powerful and in many cases devastating. They tear apart streets, they knock down buildings, and, most impressive, they can on occasion cause Lionheart English international Ashley Young to fall to the ground.
Here are ten images of the devastating might of earthquakes as they toy with Ashley Young’s legs. WARNING – they are incredibly graphic. Continue reading “Top 10 Pictures of Ashley Young Barely Surviving a Brutal Earthquake” »
The bright lights at Old Trafford. The cramped, noisy box that is Stamford Bridge. The vibrating vibrancy of the Bernabeu. The vertigo-inducing steepness of the Camp Nou. You know nothing about any of these places. You’ve never been to them. The closest you’ve come was a week-long school trip in high school to Spain where the autobus had to stop every half hour because paella gave your classmates the shits.
Luckily, though, Maxi Rodriguez of the delightful Futbol Intellect has created a quiz to help you feel better about yourself by putting other similar, miserable souls down even a notch further. Due to WordPress plugin problems, you have to take this quiz by hand. Pull out a pen, a piece of paper, and tally your answers. You wont’ be too disappointed. Continue reading “QUIZ – What Kind of Soulless, Bandwagoning European Soccer Fan Are You?” »
David Moyes. Surprisingly, he is not loved by all. After a narrow 3-0 loss to Manchester City on the back of a nail-biting defeat by Liverpool, some fans have dared to question his authority and acumen. In fact, the Telegraph listed 31 reasons he had to go.
Luckily, we have ten cold-hard facts as to why Moyes will soon lead United to greatness. Continue reading “Top 10 Reasons David Moyes Will Be United’s Greatest Ever Manager” »
Selflessness. Civility. Respect for others. These are the foundations of any civilized society. Yet one player flaunts this code. He brazenly disregards societal norms. Instead of sharing the football, he shoots it. Instead of humbly apologizing to opponents for ruining their day and perhaps harming their net, he celebrates.
This monster, of course, is selfish Englishman Daniel Sturridge. Continue reading “Top 20 Pictures of Selfish Daniel Sturridge Celebrating Immediately After Being Selfish” »
Helicopters, they’re not just for transporting manufactured homes anymore. They can also do other important tasks, like carrying soldiers to kill people, carrying bombs to drop and kill people, and transporting foreign aid to people who will be killed by errant drone strikes weeks later.
More importantly (Ahem, MOST IMPORTANT), helicopters sometimes transport soccer star players. Here are some highlights. Continue reading “Top 9 Pictures of Footballers and Helicopters” »
Tom Clancy. Robert Ludlum. The master wordsmiths. The Shakespeares of our day. The literary giants. Yet, while reading one of their deeply profound treatises on the human condition, I noticed something odd: the titles eerily resemble if not mirror the outline of James Milner’s member while wearing white shorts. Granted, the works of these artists can be ascribed to all of humanity, ergo they can describe the state of Milner’s trouser snake.
Yet, seriously, some titles just go too well with a certain someone’s pocket sausage. Continue reading “Top Ten Tom Clancy and Robert Ludlum Novel Titles that Describe the Outline of James Milner’s Member” »