England qualified for the World Cup, but, based on October’s FIFA rankings, are unseeded. Thus, they face the very real prospect of a “Group of Death.” We don’t know what the future holds, but here is a close approximation, in style if not in substance, of the Three Lions’ fate. Continue reading “The England World Cup Draw Preview & Banter of the Bile Variety” »
Futfanatico is a blog for the people and by the people. Thus, once again, we surveyed some American soccer fans on what they thought about the recent US-Soccer game and international soccer friendlies in general. The responses are not surprising, but still are illuminating. Continue reading “Ask An American Soccer Fan: International Friendlies” »
we hope this letter finds you well. Sadly, we cross paths under the most unfortunate of circumstances. We have heard reports that during a World Cup qualifier between England and Poland, you, under your full managerial capacities, made a remark about space monkeys. No disciplinary investigation has occurred, but these bare bone facts raise serious questions. And these questions deserve answers. Continue reading “An Open Letter to Roy Hodgson from the Space Monkey Anti-defamation League” »
The dirty laundry has been aired out. As per The Guardian, many EPL clubs enjoy millions of pounds in revenue but have failed to pay staff the UK’s minimum wage. Rather, many are classified as “internships.” How the word “internship” became a magical term that supplanted “unpaid labor” is another story. What’s more interesting is what happened last summer: a young American college grad said “to hell” with grad school and went to the UK to follow his dream: being a mascot for an EPL side.
What he found was a cold, stark reality. This is his story. Continue reading “The Savage Defectives: An Untrue Story of an Unpaid American Mascot in the EPL” »
We’ve all seen the EPL on NBC ads. The execution is amusing and I did chuckle a bit. However, the undertone is depressingly similar to the lamestream “soccer as other” take. The premise is that soccer is “foreign” and thus we should dislike it. This is very similar to the “soccer as feminine” line of thought. Both attempt to depict the United States as a proudly nativist, robust heterosexual male who dominates all worthy endeavors. Soccer is foreign and feminine, and thus will “never catch on.”
I don’t give two shits if soccer goes mainstream. I love the sport. But, with your indulgence, I’d like to write as an abrasive talk show radio host and take the opposite angle on soccer and the US.
Continue reading “Soccer has an “America” problem and it’s not what you think” »
The rivalry between Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund is not so much equals staring one another down, but rather big brother-little brother. Munich is the unquestionable King of German soccer, while Dortrmund has lead a bit of an insurrection in recent years. This season, Bayern reclaimed the bundesliga crown and knocked out Dortmund in the German Cup, but found themselves in the Champions League semifinals across brackets.
And then, by chance, somehow the press leaked that Munich would be signing one of Dortmund’s star players, Mario Gotze, this summer. Whoops. This season, Bayern’s President, Uli Hoeness, has also reminded the world that nine years ago the club gave Dortmund an interest-free loan to make payroll for a few months. Dick? Quite.
Thus, on the cusp of the Champions League final, as these two clubs face one another, we can only imagine what petty fact Bayern will reveal that involves Dortmund. Actually, perhaps “speculate” is the more accurate term. Here’s my best shot. Continue reading “The Top Ten Dickest Things Bayern Munich Could Publicly Leak Right Before the Champions League Final” »
Another year, another disappointment. No decima. No dice. Madrid fought the good fight in the King’s Cup, conceded La Liga way early, and fell in the semifinals of the Champions League. Despite some fun wins at the Camp Nou, even Jose Mourinho has admitted this is his worst season ever.
Many Madrid faithful find their spirits down. However, a few optimists repeat over and over some well-scripted speaking points to feel better. Or at least sound like they feel better. Here are a few: Continue reading “Real Disappointment – What Madrid Fans Are Saying To Themselves” »
Sir Alex Ferguson announced his retirement last Wednesday. Tears were shed. Thank you’s exchanged. Pleasantries spoken. The world held its breath for a grand total of 24 hours before United announced their next manager: fellow Scot David Moyes, of Everton.
However, what wasn’t announced was United’s frantic search to find a replacement. We have uncovered a transcript of the rushed transatlantic conference call between owners Malcolm Glazer, Joel Glazer, and United Chief Executive David Gill. Continue reading “The Glazers’ Shortlived Search for a Sir Alex Replacement” »
James: Hello, this is James and John again reporting but this time from Old Trafford, where a mouthwatering match awaits us.
John: James, the story of the day is obviously not United’s potential record 20th Premiership crown or Aston Villa’s fight against relegation, but rather whether, if United win this game and the title, will Sir Alex Ferguson then name Robin Van Persie to play in next week’s game vs. Arsenal at the Emirates and indulge in a ring of honor at Arsene’s expense?
Continue reading “Manchester United’s 20th Premiership Title & Banter of the Bile Variety” »
The universe demands, dare I say, cries out for another clasico. However, UEFA is a tease – rather than repeating a Spanish Champions League semi-final from two years ago, a few German speed bumps have emerged. As in, Barcelona and Real Madrid will not face one another. Rather, they will face German teams. Fans of Real Madrid and Barcelona are terrified. Uncertainty plagues the proceedings. Both teams are so used to playing one another that playing a club who is not your bitter and eternal rival feels like a letdown.
What can Real Madrid & Barcelona fans expect in the two semi-finals? Let’s start with the fundamentals. We do know that Real Madrid and Barcelona have played a boatload of clasicos in the last few years. Using this trove of data and negative inferences, we now present a very special preview of the upcoming games. Continue reading “Champions League Semi-Finals Preview: Real Madrid v. Team and Barcelona v. Other Team” »