Tag Archives: A Night ReCap

Real Madrid v. Barcelona – the Morning After the Mourning After

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In Ernest Hemingway’s The Old Man & the Sea, an elderly fisherman struggles for several days to catch and subdue an enormous marlin. Once he vanquishes the beast, ties it to his boat, and heads to shore, a group of sharks arrive and eat the fish. He tries in vain to fend off the sharks with his oar, but returns home, exhausted and empty-handed. The lesson? Time, represented by the sharks, will eventually take everything from your grip – no matter how tight you hold on.

Last Saturday at the Nou Camp, Real Madrid were the sharks. Real Madrid, Barcelona, La Liga, Clasico

United v. Liverpool – The Shadows of Greatness Linger

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Everybody wants to talk about Luis Suarez. He was charged with racism, served his suspension, and has returned to play. Done. Was he petulant before the game? Yes. But since when was that novel? I’m more interested in this little thing called the field. On said field, players kick balls. In fact, just yesterday, a game was played on said field. Manchester United won 2-1. However, despite the win, several none-Suarez disturbing images marred the view. Continue reading “United v. Liverpool – The Shadows of Greatness Linger” »

Horrific Tragedy Bootstrapped to Champions League Recap

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This past weekend, a German referee attempted to commit suicide. CNN reported on this tragedy, and also managed to sneak in the same article some game recaps. Tactful! The Guardian did one better, reporting racism charges against Luis Suarez while also letting us know that the alleged racist did not play in an international friendly due to injury. Useful! I will now do them both one up by reporting on this week’s Champions League fixtures…..and the gruesome puppy death(s).

(Associated & Fabricated Press) – Today, we regret to report the death of over 200 adorable puppies. And a less than adorable nun and bus driver. At eight o’clock at night, the Save-a-Pup bus, full of 200 recently rescued puppies, rambled down the road on its way to a warm & welcoming puppy shelter. Little did the driver realize that rather than heading towards Brownsville, Texas, he and the puppies were on track for their own grisly deaths. Continue reading “Horrific Tragedy Bootstrapped to Champions League Recap” »

The Manchester Derby & a Heavy Dose of Trite Sportswriting

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Manchester City beat Manchester United at Old Trafford by 6-1. The win was deserved, even if a late deluge of goals made the scoreline slightly more embarrassing than warranted. Still, bloodbaths of this magnitude tend to fray the senses, melt the mind, and sportswriters revert to a Neanderthal mental state. Here is what they will have written Monday morning. Continue reading “The Manchester Derby & a Heavy Dose of Trite Sportswriting” »

Rorschach Tactical Anaysis: Manchester United v. Liverpool

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I still remember the days of the anti-intellectual era, so I’m pretty happy to see tactics-speak take a place in our collective chit-chat about soccer. But, at some point, tactics-speak must go beyond tactics-speak. Eventually, all discourses can become a closed system, an algebraic formula with a predetermined end that ceases to illuminate. You saw the United-Liverpool game. You read the match recaps. You saw the heat maps. You glanced at the passing stats. You even perused the chalkboards. But one question remains, and it just may be the most important one, at least from a Freudian Psycho-analytic perspective.

Just how guilty do you feel for sustaining an erection while being held by your mother as a three year old child? Let’s find out together. Continue reading “Rorschach Tactical Anaysis: Manchester United v. Liverpool” »

Farselona: Welcome to Transylvania High, My Pretty Messi

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The temptation for Barcelona and Arsenal encounters is to focus on the sacrifice of theory meeting practice, to lament the inherent loss when ideas manifest in material form. Both sides purport to aspire to more than winning soccer games – their ethos and ethics drape every aspect of their game. But…..Pep gets back spasms. Xavi’s tendons wear down. Eric Abidal is….Eric Abidal. Thus, we easily get caught up in the narrative of the canvas’s harsh reality – how tragic  that players must exist to unsuccessfully complete a ten yard pass, those infidels!

But, sigh, ho-hum, we’ve already explored that topic.

So here’s another idea that bounced around my head during yesterday’s game – how would all these characters fit into a cable TV series on vampires in high school? Easily. That’s how. Continue reading “Farselona: Welcome to Transylvania High, My Pretty Messi” »

Real Madrid v. Lyon – Still Hungover the Mourinho After

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The universe works in mysteriously hysterical ways. Sometimes, the pains of the past form a large pair of obnoxious aviator sunglasses, blinding us to how ridiculous we look despite the prevalence of mirrors and our unmistakable reflection. The Shevchenko-affair at Chelsea scarred Jose Mourinho. Jose detests pressure from owners to play certain players. Jose detests forwards that only “score goals.”

Thus, it is only fitting that Karim Benzema scored in last night’s game after a few seconds. While Jose can point to the incredible form of Di Maria, a goal is a goal is not a non-goal. And an away goal in the Champions League is almost worth two. Almost. Karim’s strike clearly impressed Perez, but the question remains: will molehills become mountains? Or will mountains move?

I am waging on neither. Continue reading “Real Madrid v. Lyon – Still Hungover the Mourinho After” »

Arsenal v. Barcelona: Ruminations the Morning After

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So, I had this great idea for a post about Arsenal and Barcelona fans, and how to distinguish them. An Arsenal fan will feel good about him or herself for entering a Starbucks and buying coffee imported from Nicaragua or some other third world country. A Barcelona fan? He or she will turn over the coffee package and scowl in disgust. No fair trade sticker of approval?!?! Thus, from soccer to coffee consumption, moral one-up-manship pervades the relationship, with Pep donning design cardigans handmade by monks in Tibet (and the profits support the cause) and Wenger unabashedly asking him the price tag.

But it dawned on me that, after taking a “personal day” at work, I had just seen a great soccer game. It also occurred to me that the “Barca-backlash” had reached its saturation point – cynical minds in North America have grown to detest Barca not for their style of play or debt-driven-spending, but because they inspired mainstream and popular interest in the sport. I can imagine these same counter-culture-elitist dumping soccer in a few years at the drop of a hat, turning to cricket, badminton, or hurling.

But not me. I saw a great game. And here’s why it was great. Continue reading “Arsenal v. Barcelona: Ruminations the Morning After” »

United v. Arsenal: Hetero Masculinity Defined

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As an American fan of Manchester United, I am a fake. I was neither born near the city of Manchester nor lived during the time of Busby’s boys. The Munich disaster is a black and white picture on a wall in a museum, right next to the Big Bopper and Amelia Earhart. When opposing fans sing songs that pry on the lingering wounds of veteran followers, I plop in the ipod earbuds and listen to Kanye.

So I am the perfect person to examine the recent relationship between our changed, corrupted society and this duel of Gunners and Red Devils.

I begin, of course, by the obvious. As a fake shell of a fan, I am drawn to United in large part by their success. If they had not had a dominant reign under Sir Alex, I very well may be wearing the colors of another team. In fact, I may very well be a fan of cricket, not soccer, blasting forums about wickets and whatnot. But they have. And I’m not. And since when has being a fan of a winner been a crime against humanity? You can cast your lot with David, but my fiver’s on the Goliath that wins 90% of the time. Continue reading “United v. Arsenal: Hetero Masculinity Defined” »

A Not Classy Eulogy for the Clasico

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To say Barcelona deserved to win would be cliche. To write it would be redundant for any human being with a set of eyes or pair of ears. I will leave tactics to the masters, but the Madrid defensive line was far too high, the space between the midfield and defense too great, and the midfield really looked like a crowded mass, not a straight line of four. We all knew that neither Xabi nor Khedira was fast. We also knew that Marcelo was not a world class leftback. But to craft a strategy which turns a blind eye to these truths was suicide.

Still, I am optimistic. Even with these failings, the defense improved by one goal from the game two years ago last spring at the Bernabeu. Huzzah! I am convinced that only Junito can save Madrid form this current malaise. Mourinho is just a stop-gap measure for the next five or ten years. Hopefully the bleeding will stop by then. Because the hurt won’t.