Tag Archives: Father Hoodlum

Junito: Wearing the Media Glare with Careful Abandon

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Childhoods fascinate me for two reasons. First, in American society, the desire for our responsible-free era corrupts adults well past their thirties. Everybody fondly recalls their youth, forgetting the tribulations of adolescence and missteps along the way. Second, our own experience of childhood is inevitably corrupted by the biases of the only witnesses with a firsthand account: our relatives. In the simple act of deciding to take a picture or not take a picture, we lay the track for how our children will perceive their own past. What will they see? Why? How.

Thus, this blog series on my son’s inevitable rise to the top of Real Madrid poses a query – up until now, it has been entirely honest sin pelos en la lengua. But Junito is quickly mastering his abecedario. He can sing the Spanish language burrito-vocales song all by himself. How much longer before his readership forces me to pull punches? Or should I teach him to develop thick skin?

I, of course, have opted for the latter option. If Junito is going to survive the paparazzi pandemonium of European soccer, we might as well get the juicy cats out of the bag right now. Including what happened this past Valentine’s Day with a certain lovely gordita lady. Continue reading “Junito: Wearing the Media Glare with Careful Abandon” »

Junito: From Petulance to Plowshares to Playing Time

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We all know them. We all see them. The way they walk. The way they talk. Are they rebels? Are they outcasts? Are they cancers? Are they miscreants? Are they merely immature? How do we classify the Antonio Cassanos of the soccer universe, the players who travel from team to team, alluring with talent but repelling with character flaws? And, most importantly, how do I keep Junito out of this category?

One smells smoke before seeing fire. To this day, I believe that a certain overbearing parent wrecked my promising baseball career. I won’t name names or point fingers, but little league coaches don’t appreciate profanity-laced tirades before the end of try-outs. They envision a long and arduous season, with lots of phone calls, screams, and faces red from shouting. And they don’t select your kid.

I also know this because I have coached youth soccer. And I’ve seen the worst of the worst. Continue reading “Junito: From Petulance to Plowshares to Playing Time” »

Junito: All That's Left for a Shot at the Big Time

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In the interest of beating ESPN to the “under 6″ original content punch, this series takes a look at the meteoric rise of Junito, my four year old son, as he meticulously makes his way into Real Madrid’s starting lineup and eventually the blanquillo history books.

In today’s society, the glare of celebrity gazes at younger and younger “stars.” In truth, since Mickey Rooney & Shirley Temple, America has fawned over childhood stars, only for them to end up sixteen, ugly, jobless, bankrupt, and stealing jewelry while on probation. Yet the recent proliferation of pre-14 celebrity gossip publications still shocks my conscience. Or am I just getting older?

I don’t want Junito to be a has-been by age 8, some Real Madrid Castilla shooting star that got his wings clipped by an offensive & emotional tweet or the wrong PR job. And I was incredibly worried when, recently, against my strict orders, the little lady showed Junito footage of himself from this blog. Did I plan on Junito reading his own press? NEVER. The media tends to overreact, playing games with a man’s confidence. If, as a Real player Junito reads Marca, he will become bipolar.

So, yes, Junito saw his highlight video footage and said “me gusta.” Nice enough. But I’m afraid there’s still some serious work to be done before he can sit back, smiling with the brazos cruzados. Let’s begin. Continue reading “Junito: All That's Left for a Shot at the Big Time” »

Junito: True Talent Blossoms by Leaps & Bounds

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Life’s most pleasant surprises come in our greatest moments of weakness. The romantic triangle, the hermaphrodite rabbit, Ben Aguero’s lack of a left foot – except for the recent pk, this series has focused on all aspects of Junito’s life but one, his soccer talents. That is about to change.

First, allow me to paint over painful recent Real Madrid memories with a bit of nostalgia. Does anybody remember Robinho’s debut game, when he dazzled the fans and opposing defenses with sombreros? When was the last time a young budding star debuted to such applause? When was the last time we witnessed a talent so bright, bursting with an energy so pure, that nobody could deny it?

Neither do I.

Continue reading “Junito: True Talent Blossoms by Leaps & Bounds” »

Junito: First Imitate the Masters, Then Master the Masters

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Picasso without Velasquez. Family Guy without the Simpsons. Robinho without Garrincha. Unthinkable? No. Sadly, we live in a world that obsesses over the present and increasingly pays lip service to the past. Yet not Junito. Thanks to Youtube, old soccer books, and the art of oral storytelling, I have turned his little world into a land of famous head fakes, jukes, goals, and saves. Pele’s perfect almost-goal. The shame of Terezeguet and Baggio’s penalty kick misses.The maracanazo. These moments constitute the social fabric of the game we love and Junito will one day dominate.

I want him to full understand the history of soccer for a few simple reasons. Continue reading “Junito: First Imitate the Masters, Then Master the Masters” »

Junito: Test Spinning the Training Wheels of Fortune

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They say that the low point of the learning curve is the most frustrating part for both pupil & teacher – ignorance inspires ignorance. Only when we reach out and take a bite from the apple of knowledge do we realize just how little of the world we have tasted. Luckily, Junito has turned a corner and is taking his future career at Real Madrid pretty seriously. But how far can I really take him?

Up until this point, I’ve been kinda winging it. I always detested those parents who read a million cognitive development books and then dirtied their pants when their kid learned vowels before numbers. Life must flow and ebb and each human being has their own rate of retention and style of learning. But I’m afraid my love for my son has blinded me to my own failings. Bottom line: Junito is good. Junito is nasty good. But how long before he sees through my mirage? Continue reading “Junito: Test Spinning the Training Wheels of Fortune” »

Junito: The Fatherly Talk About The Birds & The Bunnies

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When does a boy become a man? In Gabriel Garcia Marquez novels, normally an adolescent boy and some friends find a lady of ill repute, usually a gypsy, and after a long night they awake men. In the land of American film, similar plots focus on the senior year of high school, when prom night lingers as does the prospect of consensual activity. But these are works of fiction. Real life seldom progresses in such neat lines. Thus, as Junito’s father, I have a duty to teach him, gradually, about manhood. Especially if, as young as sixteen years of age, he could be tossed into a nebulous world of attention-seeking ladies & fast cars. But how?

Like generations of parents before me, to teach my children about reproduction (and death) the missus and I obtained live examples: two pets. The first, a parrot named Bruno. The second, a rabbit named Lola. I had hoped that the rabbit would live up to her stereotype and reproduce frequently, giving Junito and his sister an eye-opening look at the painfully gruesome reality of giving live birth (Hats off to ye, mammal females).Bruno was a backup plan, as bird reproduction involves eggs and feathers.

However, our best laid of plans soon fell apart. Continue reading “Junito: The Fatherly Talk About The Birds & The Bunnies” »

The Clasico, The Culebras, The Chele Chulo

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In life, sometimes the currents take us to blissful destinations. We sit back in the boat, stretch out our legs, and let the tide do the work while we count turtles and take in the sun. But what happens when the clouds gather? When our arms, weak from non-use, must suddenly row faster, harder?

Real Madrid under Mourinho appears incapable of setting a foot wrong. The 4-0 victory at Ajax with a nominal B-team displayed the ruthless and coordination we expect and under-appreciate from a Mou side. Pellegrini set regular season records in his first year. But the Portuguese is on track to best them. So against Barcelona, will Carvahlo look slow? Will Pepe appear reckless? Will Higuain disappear? Will Ronald get muscled off the ball? The coast is anything but clear. The moment of quasi-reckoning close at hand.

More importantly, Junito turns four years old today. For over a year, I have shared his progression from a toddler into a ferocious striker who will stop at nothing to score goals, evening biting his older sister. But, despite his prodigious talent and amusing goal celebrations, two things concern me. First, how will my four year old son handle the pressures, temptations, and distractions of the footballer wag-riches lifestyle? How will we his family respond?

For his cumpleanos today, he adamantly insisted on two pinatas. And I naturally became enraged. Continue reading “The Clasico, The Culebras, The Chele Chulo” »

Junito: Tricks, Treats, Costumes & Culture

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Over a decade ago, Samuel Huntington wrote that the conflict between Western civilization and Islam would reach a loggerheads. Inevitably, only one would prevail. Behind this thesis, Huntington assumed both a static and monolithic culture concept and a black/white winner-take-all scenario. And he was right. About both. How do I know? Well, I am the loser in a microcosm of the culture wars – Mexican American vs. Nicaraguan.

This lesson, of course, reflects and serves as warning to the phenomenon of economic globalization uprooting local paradigms of power in European football, especially the UK. Can a compromise be forged? No. Never. Compromise is defeat. Always. Forever.

But can a battle be fought? Who can hold at bay these ever encroaching forces? Junito. Continue reading “Junito: Tricks, Treats, Costumes & Culture” »

Junito: pleito, persuasion, and morality

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So, Wayne Rooney wanted to leave Manchester United. The Earth ceased to spin, Sir Alex held a press conference, and within twenty four hours Rooney had signed a contract extension. His wages got a bump and Sir Alex kept his prized (but sorely out of form) possession. Is this style of negotiation shrewd, immoral, or natural? Or all three?

Junito, at the tender age of three, deploys similar tactics in his infamous leche con chocolate negotiations. We always tell Junito – portate bien, and then you can have some chocolate milk. But Junito, of course, prefers a subtle shift in chronology – dame chocolate and then I’ll behave well. Junito prefers a reward for a future effort, and who wouldn’t? But, as a father, not a manager, is giving him that early dose of cocoa going to instill morals and perseverance?

I normally plant my feet firmly on the ground. And Junito resorts to plan b…. Continue reading “Junito: pleito, persuasion, and morality” »