Tag Archives: Filthy Spanish

The Futfanatico eBook – a Somewhat Credible Indie Edition

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So, for half a year, the eBook has been available for Kindle, Nook, and Apple. Since then, two things have happened. First, I’ve realized that not everybody wants to support outsourcing multinational conglomerates that turn blind eyes to eclick warehouse sweatshops. Second, I was never too big on DRM, and now say to hell with it.

Thus, I present some super cool ways to get your paws on my eBook while only feeling slightly evil, not totally evil. Continue reading “The Futfanatico eBook – a Somewhat Credible Indie Edition” »

Advanced Spanglish: Explaining the Etymology of "La Chilena"

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You know that picture. It brings back painful memories. But take your anxiety medications or sip some wine (not both), and get ready for another soccer-Spanish lesson.

Last time we opened up our Spanglish pocket-sized dictionary, we focused on a young hotshot United striker by the name of Javier Hernandez. I explained the crucial difference between the palomitas you eat at the movies, the palomitas that plague city parks, and the palomitas (diving headers) that the Young Mexican scores. We now focus on another United striker, slightly older.

And the curious Spanish name for his wonder-strike. Continue reading “Advanced Spanglish: Explaining the Etymology of "La Chilena"” »

Advanced Spanglish: Munching On Palomitas

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That’s right – you know the infamous Bush pic. It’s a time for some learn’in, ya here! Today’s lesson plan is courtesy of Javier Hernandez, the Mexican goal-scoring sensation whose apodo (nickname) is “Chicharito.” Chicarito means little pea. How did he get the nickname?

Well, for those of you not in the know, Hernandez actually descends from a long line of Mexican footballing aristocracy. His grandfather and dad both played for Chivas, a Mexican league club based in Guadalajara and usually one of the top teams. Usually. His dad, also named Javier Hernandez, was nicknamed “Chicharo” during his playing days because of his green eyes, a rarity down South.

So what more can we learn from this little pea? Continue reading “Advanced Spanglish: Munching On Palomitas” »

Intermediate Spanglish – Chila's Punetazos

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For long-time readers, you know what that upside down book and expression of hopelessness means…time for a lesson in Espanol!

This treat of an impromtu lesson comes to us from the boca of one Chilavert, perhaps one of the greatest goalkeepers in the history of the sport. “Chila” was known for spectacular saves and also for scoring a few goals himself from spotkicks. He played for Paraguay, a country in South America near Argentina, Brazil, and Uruguay. He was and is their talisman. But anger problems plagued his career.

Recently, on a flight from Argentina to Paraguay, Chilavert saw an Argentina sports agent/businessman. Chilavert believed that the Argentine owed him money. Chila approached the Argentine and inquired into said funds. And the Argentine replied with some select terms that require elaborate explanation. After the jump. Continue reading “Intermediate Spanglish – Chila's Punetazos” »

Junito: Emancipaton, Trepidation, Anticipation

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The last time we held an election at Futfanatico, it was an unmitigated disaster. The premise was simple enough – a “blog of the year” award for all soccer blogs with “futfanatico” in the URL. However, a wisecracking tweeter and a Central American dictator-for-campaign manager conspired to blow things to smithereens. And, of course, I did not win.

Still, Junito’s national team selection has one distinct advantage – I am not a candidate, as I am a human being, not a nation state. Thus, I reasoned, no evil can come of this. I was wrong. The expected and the unexpected merged into a vortex so profound, so deep and convoluted, that if you wiped your pink finger on the surface’s rim, you’d be elbow-deep in abyss in the blink of an eye.

Allow me to explain. Continue reading “Junito: Emancipaton, Trepidation, Anticipation” »

Junito: the Diapers Finally Come Off

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Pacifier

Junito has traded in his Huggies for calzoncillos (underpants)! The new influx of cash has led to an all important purchase – a Real Madrid jersey. However, I have come under criticism in some quarters for my treatment of Junito – am I inculcating him in some sort of blanquillo-obsessed cult?

Keep shooting, people, because the arrows fall off this iron-thick skin like a drop of water. The word “culto” means “cultured, educated,” in Spanish, so I will just pretend that instead of cult, you wanted to say culto. Yes, I am indoctrinating my son to be cultured and educated. What an astute observation! Continue reading “Junito: the Diapers Finally Come Off” »

The Dirt on Dirty Donovan's Dirtyness

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Yes, the picture of the former US president reading a book upside down has made a special return appearance. No, I am not starting a “every Tuesday” Spanglish refresher lesson. Most of you failed the final quiz, I realized I was an abject failure as a teacher, and…I missed writing these.

Plus, inspiration came in the way of an amusing Landon Donovan commercial in which the Toffees man took a break between German and English loan spells to shoot a lottery commercial. Continue reading “The Dirt on Dirty Donovan's Dirtyness” »

In the Spirit of Stealing Content Part 5

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So, you brushed off your espanol with last week’s thievery post, but now I have a bit of hazy-maze-puzzle for you. A feminist friend sent me a link lamenting that a women footy club in Naquera, Spain, faced with severe financial difficulties, did the unthinkable – they pulled off a Brandi Chastain…in calendar form.

Allegedly, the ladies posed for a scandalous soccer calendar to raise funds. Yes, Simone De Beauvoir rolls in her grave and my postmodern-liberal-radical feminist mind races in circles and circles. Is this a good thing? Do we problematize sexuality by ironically portraying the gender roles? Or is this master-servant with one whip firmly in one party’s hand? (And we assume that’s a bad thing)…

Then comes the skeptical aspect and a regional linguistic element – the concept of a town named “Naquera” to my Mexican ears elicits a laugh. Why? Well, because “naco” is the word used to describe somebody who, ahem, lacks culture. Think redneck, but without intellectual stalwarts Jeff Foxworthy and Larry the Cable Guy defending the cause. It is an even worse (and homophobic) perjorative in Nicaraguan Spanish.

And thus I began my search for the truth from the comfort of my desk but in a surreal state of disbelief and suspicion. And then things got interesting… Continue reading “In the Spirit of Stealing Content Part 5” »

In the Spirit of Stealing Content Part 2

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You speak a little Spanish and wanna hang with the big boys of South America? I suggest reading Futbol y Asociados, who focus on Ecuador but pretty much cover the whole continent. Alejo dug up a pretty delicious tale of government corruption, futbol, and fan hassling, all revolving around one national id card… Continue reading “In the Spirit of Stealing Content Part 2” »