Tag Archives: Historical Faccuracies

The Scott Baio Anti-Defamation League Orders You to Cease & Desist Referring to Player W with Injurious Language

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A career in soccer is not an endless stream of Happy Days. No, while we’d all like to be the Charles in Charge, some things lay beyond our grasp. Luck. Chance. Fate. As fans and followers, we often project our own anger and insecurities onto players. In their defects, we see our own, yet desperately yearn for the athlete gods to overcome this weakness. They play in a simple one dimensional world of win/loss, so we yearn for them to succeed where we have failed.

Yet oftentimes fate conspires against them, just as it does against us. And we often overreact; we cross the line between discerning fan and hateful lunatic. And that’s why the Scott Baio Anti-Defamation League has obtained an immediate order from a magistrate judge that compels you to cease ridiculing Player W.

Still, how did it come to this? Continue reading “The Scott Baio Anti-Defamation League Orders You to Cease & Desist Referring to Player W with Injurious Language” »

Real Madrid v. Barcelona: A Glance Back at Past Pasillos

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Pasillo is the Spanish term for “hallway.” However, in the world of La Liga, it has a secondary meaning: guard of honor. After a team wins either La Liga or the Copa del Rey, at the very start of their next game, it’s customary that the opposing players will stand in two lines near the entrance tunnel, forming a hallway, and salute the champions as they enter the field. For example, last season, after Real Madrid won the Copa del Rey, their next opponent, Valencia, formed a pasillo to greet them onto the field.

For various reasons, the pasillos between Barcelona and Real Madrid have been few and far apart. The two teams normally race neck-and-neck until late into the La Liga season, and thus have already played one another twice before the champion is determined mathematically. Thus, their consistent duopoly in accumulating points prevents either one from having to honor the other.

Except, of course, for a few remarkable seasons. Continue reading “Real Madrid v. Barcelona: A Glance Back at Past Pasillos” »

The Joey Lawrence Appreciation Society Proudly Remembers Player Y

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Nothing breaks the heart like a candle whose flame is blown out by the wind. Noted actor Joey Lawrence’s career burned with promise and brimmed with energy. From the very first episode of the late 90′s TV show Blossom, audiences fell in love his “whoa” and looked forward to decades of avant grade artistry. Sadly, his pioneering role on network television never provided a springboard to success or serious scripts worthy of his talent. His career stalled due to mysterious factors. We look back at his promise and shed a tear. In the darkest realms of the soul, his “whoa” echoes within each and every one of us.

Just like in the case of Player Y. Continue reading “The Joey Lawrence Appreciation Society Proudly Remembers Player Y” »

The Gerard Depardieu Appreciation Society Proudly Draws Your Attention to X Player…

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Genius is not always recognized in its time. Genius is not even always recognized in its own language. We of the present must sometimes toil to correct the omissions, slights, and errors of the past. But above all, we must live fully in the present.

We can never turn back the pages of history to correct the sinking popularity of acting genius Gerard Depardieu. We can never re-write the critical reviews which widely panned Green Card, perhaps the greatest and most accurate immigrant love story of all time. But we can draw your attention to the fact that Gerard, after a personal request, did provide the dubbed French voice of John Travolta in the 1981 film Blowout. You probably didn’t know that before. And now you do. And that’s an important first step.

In terms of soccer, many steps need to be taken. Thus, we have formed a society to sing the praises of players who likewise will be or have been slighted by history. And today we sing the prose equivalent of a melancholic tune for X Player. Continue reading “The Gerard Depardieu Appreciation Society Proudly Draws Your Attention to X Player…” »

Copa America 2011: Stray-ker, the Unofficial, Unleashed Mascot

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Man’s best friend has not always been so friendly. While the latest edition of the Copa America plays out, a recurring problem in South America, like, totally repeats itself: stray dog pitch invasions. This dilemma is nothing new. Nor unique to South America. Nevertheless, I invite you to take a walk down memory lane as we re-live some of the greatest canine cancha romps in recent and distant history. Leashes not allowed. Continue reading “Copa America 2011: Stray-ker, the Unofficial, Unleashed Mascot” »

Great And…Not Great – Edgar Davids

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Torch The protagonist glares at himself in a hand-held mirror, snarling then poignantly asking: “who am I?” He then shatters the mirror against the wall and stomps off. The camera fades to black.  What is Edgar Davids? A great player – I would argue so. Even if his exact position on the field defies the principles of scientific certainty, the holding/attacking midfielder provided his fair share of probing passes and pulsating tackles. And he also won a few titles.

We begin with your puzzled, fundamental question: after Best, Pele, Maradonna, why Davids? I have two questions for you, dear reader. Would you ask a chameleon his true color? Is a Zebra black with white stripes, or vice versa? Edgar Davids’ career captivated me for one simple reason – I could never pin him as a ballwinner with the occasional nice pass, nor the attacking midfielder who tracked back consistently. Rather, Edgar’s identity shifted course like an underwater river in the face of subtly moving tectonic plates – he was what his team needed him to be, when they needed him to be it. Often, his identity depended on the match. Continue reading “Great And…Not Great – Edgar Davids” »

Great And…Not Great – Alfredo Di Stefano

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When we view Alfredo Di Stefano in his current state at public events, we are reminded that the uncompromising currents of time leave no shore untouched. Di Stefano, the “Golden Arrow” from Argentina, was once the physical embodiment of footballing perfection. His tandem with Puskas inspired fear, respect, and admiration around the world. And the two of them led Real Madrid to unparalleled heights of glory.

The darkest chapter of Di Stefano’s career was the opening page. At the time of his signing, Franco ruled Spain with an iron fist and put in place machinations to ensure his centrally based Real Madrid got preferential treatment when possible. Initially, Di Stefano was recruited by Barcelona, but the Catalan side soon backed down. Exactly how or why remains a mystery, but even the dark fog of such inauspicious beginnings could not cloud his entire career. Continue reading “Great And…Not Great – Alfredo Di Stefano” »

Great And…Not Great – Eric Cantona

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Torch Like George Best, Eric Cantona made his name at Manchester United as a gifted yet volatile winger with a pension for uttering quotable phrases. While Eric never equaled the individual exploits of Best, he did write his own chapter as a fan favorite.He also won several trophies and ushered in a new era of Manchester United dominance.

Like all heroes though, he had an Achille’s heel. Cantona’s temper got him into trouble, but his quick tongue almost always disarmed the most stern of sensible defenses. His career lowpoint was a highpoint was a lowpoint. And gave way to one of King Eric’s most infamous quotes. Eric the King? A stretch. But most definitely Eric the Infinitely Quotable.

When Eric came to Manchester United, the Red Devils were a far cry from the current trophy-laden kings of England. He had won titles in France. He also had played a supporting role in Leed’s Premiership  campaign before being signed by Sir Alex for the modest fee of 1.2 million pounds. Continue reading “Great And…Not Great – Eric Cantona” »

Great And…Not Great – George Best

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Torch

Writing a piece on George Best is both a rite of passage and a baptism of fire. On the one hand, the iconic star provides plenty of fodder on and off the field. From his spectacular goals to pop-star status to losing battle with alcoholism, the facts jump off the screen. On the other hand, anybody who is not nobody knows something cooler about George Best than you and will make sure to flaunt it.

But I love this topic, this character, this legend, so please, if you know any cool quotes or facts, pretty please comment. Flaunt to your heart’s content. George Best is a treasure trove for all futfanaticos, a chest unfortunately kept under lock and key in comparison with other greats. Continue reading “Great And…Not Great – George Best” »

Great And…Not Great – Zinedine Zidane

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Has any other player been so frustratingly brilliant as Zinedine Zidane? The Frenchman kept a quiet private life to his credit, but his transgressions on the pitch alternate between a rap sheet and a rhapsody. His feet could take down a 40 yard pass like a feather, yet in the blink of an eye bludgeon a Saudi player. Genius, yes. But deviant. Devlishly deviant. Continue reading “Great And…Not Great – Zinedine Zidane” »