Life isn’t always easy as your preferred niche blogger that spews sarcastic jokes about a multinational conglomerate that parades itself as a soccer playing entity. Sometimes, we get ahead of ourselves. Sometimes, we overreact. Sometimes, we suffer cerebral fatigue. Sometimes, instead of thinking about the game at hand, we ponder about mathematics and formulas and spend all night constructing an algorithm for Madrid winning La Liga based on a probable result between Rayo Vallecano and Levante.

Often, instead of addressing the team we face, we suffer thinking of the team behind us. Barcelona. Four points. Not ten points. Four. Six less. Less than half. Oh, and Atletico de Madrid. Continue reading “Real Madrid v. Atletico de Madrid – the Preview that Only Talks about Barcelona” »

I will keep this short and sweet in the interest of time. FIRST and foremost, Xavi’s hair will look like an iguana. No, I don’t refer to that pet iguana you had in grade school that eventually died because you forgot to plug in the hot rock. No, I refer to some sort of wickedly cool animated iguana who wears a Hawaiian t-shirt, travels by skateboard, constantly gives the thumbs up, and endorses a variety of delicious fruit-tasting snacks which contain little to no fruit.

SECOND and also quite importantly, Dani Alves and Sergio Busquets will continue their perpetual audition for the Catalan tumbling team. Somewhere in the stands at the Nou Camp, a man in a trench coat and with a mischievously large mustache will write on a small notepad numerical scores for their respective tumbles. At the end of the night, only one of them will be selected for this elite honor. And the other will be heartbroken.

THIRD and also kinda important, Mourinho and Pep Guardiola will fool you into thinking that they shake hands. However, in reality, their hands will get super super close but not actually touch. It will be more of a close-to-touching-hand-vibration with more wobbling than actual shaking. Mourinho may also wear a special hand colored glove just to be safe. Continue reading “Barcelona vs. Real Madrid – the Predictions to Bet a House On” »