Tag Archives: Panoptic Gazes

World Cup Predictions, Betting Tips, SEO SEO

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Just when you think that David Bowie has retired from the site, that the Goblin King will no longer grace our presence, that Jorge Luis Borges really is dead and not just waiting for a USMNT run to the finals, bam. It hits you. Despite the odd jokes, obscure historical references, and kinda weird pictures, we at Futfanatico give you the best betting tips for the World Cup while mocking the SEO keyterm Google carousel in an ironic act of betrayal, subversion, and delightful perversion.

Thus, here are your WORLD CUP BETTING TIPS. Continue reading “World Cup Predictions, Betting Tips, SEO SEO” »

Real Madrid v. Lyon – Paper Tiger Preview

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So, in case you do not live in a cave with wax in your ears and a blindfold carefully tied over your eyes, Madrid has a bit of a big game. A reader reminded me that it has been ages since I last glanced into a magic ball via the assistance of David Bowie. Why? Why so long? Why so serious?

Well, the future is a terrifying place. I saw my own death, and, as expected, it sucks. I also saw a few other deaths – which likewise suck. You would never think that carrying a spoon while running down a flight of 12th century stairs in a Buddhist temple in Nepal would be dangerous, but then some careless monk tosses his banana peel and…You get the picture.

On the other hand, the future is amorphous. Too many writers toss out hypotheticals such as “If Madrid gets the first goal early, then…” or “If Lyon can survive the first 20 minutes, then…”.

Thus, in the interest of justice and reality and my journalistic integrity, I present my preview of the Madrid game with painstaking precision. Continue reading “Real Madrid v. Lyon – Paper Tiger Preview” »

This Loco American Sport of Soccer – Part 1

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US Ahem, European readers. Just as I click “all read” when you began to dabble about cricket, rugby, or the Scottish national team, I now give you fair warning – this is a rambling and incoherent essay on North American football culture. And by North America, I mean the United States of America. Well, maybe a few potshots at Canada. And a lustful eye down south to Mexico. But still…click “all read” and move along. As for the rest of you, fasten your seatbelt.

I begin with an observation – MLS and soccer in the US has grown from widely disregarded Milwaukee’s Best to counterculture status like a well respected regional microbrewery. The TV deal, the squabbles over the CBA, the split in the second division, these are the symptoms of adolescence. Congratulations, US soccer, you are about to hit puberty. Continue reading “This Loco American Sport of Soccer – Part 1” »

Dempsey's Goal Celebration vs England

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For the life of me, I cannot decide if England is either “Andre the Giant” or “the Ultimate Warrior.” On the one hand, the shared language and culture parallels the eery kinetic bond between Hulk and the Warrior. However, on the other hand, some of the subtly condescending remarks bring to mind the disrespectful Giant. I am not attributing these perceptions to all English fans by any measure and definitely concede a huge kernel of truth in terms of competitive inequality.

But still, I want Dempsey to tear off his shirt. Or at least flex a python. Both would probably be too much to ask. Or would it?

World Cup 2010: Argentina's Star Snub Award

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Logo In feverish anticipation of the World Cup, we are going to take a moment and recall, relive, recycle, some of our favorite World Cup moments. These patterns constitute the fabric of the international game, these recurrences form the waves of the World Cup ocean.

My personal favorite event is the inevitable question for Argentina upon their elimination: “Why didn’t they play…x player?” In 2006, despite a stellar run, amazing play, and taking the host nation to penalty kicks, inevitably, the media had one question of Manuel Pellegrini: why didn’t he play Leo Messi? Granted, he did sub on Julio Cruz against Germany, a somewhat odd decision given Messi’s speed advantage. Continue reading “World Cup 2010: Argentina's Star Snub Award” »

A Perceptive, Panoptic Gaze into the Future…

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Foucault Talent never goes unnoticed. Sure, we’ve chuckled along to Jack Bauer‘s MLS playoff preview and Walter Mercado‘s take on the Premiership, but behind the fantasy lied a cold reality: both made pretty good guesses. Granted, gambling a mortgage on a taurot card is not recommended. But, in addition to the stock “copyright lawsuit threat letters” which fill my inbox,  I recently received an interesting offer: an invitation from a football gambling website.

I cannot tell a lie – I see no problem with putting a fiver on a match or two. Basically, BetUS has asked for an ever so small slice of the limelight, I need to cover server fees, and, more importantly, Michel Foucault. Michel Foucault? Yes, Michel Foucault, the renowned French philosopher.  What does Michel Foucault think of this development and the upcoming English football fixtures? Let’s find out… Continue reading “A Perceptive, Panoptic Gaze into the Future…” »

Premiership Predictions & Horror-scopes

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Walter

The Goblin King was unavailable for an comment on the upcoming English action, so instead we have turned to an equally astute sage for counsel. Walter Mercado is the star-reading attraction of Don Francisco Presenta, a Spanish language staple variety hour whose longevity makes Bob Barker appear a puppy.

Mr. Mercado terrifies small children, may or may not drink goats’ blood, and has ever so graciously agreed to look ahead to this weekend of English Premiership action. As always, he glances into the horoscopes con mucho amorrrrrrr. Continue reading “Premiership Predictions & Horror-scopes” »

Premiership Predictions and Predilections

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Bowie

A prediction is a stab in the dark, a desire to stick your head in the Gypsie´s bag and see the future. We stir the past, iron the present, and imagine the future.

A predilection is the tendency to think favorably about a particular object or person. I have a predilection for United. Pardon my diction, but here goes… Continue reading “Premiership Predictions and Predilections” »