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Your gambling addiction is a serious problem. Savings. Car payments. Rent. Cash flows through your soon-to-close bank account like a raging river. However, there’s still hope. All you need is one really really big win to leap back into the red (and not get your knee caps broken). How can you accomplish this feat?
With these can’t miss Champions League predictions. Continue reading “LIST – Bayern Munich vs. Chelsea, Champions League Final Predictions” »
Not all weaknesses reveal themselves easily on a silver screen. Sometimes, we think we’ve found Achilles’s heel, but instead encounter steel-backed boots. Sometimes, we use our hands to part the scales on the sleeping dragon’s chest only to realize, crap, we brainfarted and left the sword at the cave entrance. The world of soccer is no different. Nor is the world at large.
Thus, we’ve sifted through a few key historical and Manchester-related alleged “signs of weakness.” Some are obvious. Some, not so much. Please keep them in mind as you watch Mario Balotelli either score a winner or get red carded during the derby. Continue reading “Manchester United v. Manchester City: the True Signs of Weakness” »
For the last year’s Champions League quarterfinal, we speculated that Barcelona just may embody the spirit of a high school full of vampires. We were pretty close in the comparison and the prediction. Ultimately, despite solid Arsenal resistance, the Cules drove a stake through their hearts.
But the Clasico exceeds in self-appointed grandiosity any old run-of-the-mill Champions League quarterfinal clash. Thus, flash forward several months and add millions of dollars to the movie’s budget. Plot-wise, the vampires have since graduated from high school. They and their werewolf double agent allies have plotted to take over a small pioneer town by the name of Bernabo Bay. Only one thing can stop them: Cowboys. And one more thing: Aliens. And one last thing: Predator. Continue reading “Real Madrid v. Barcelona Preview: Vampires vs. Werewolves vs. Cowboys vs. Aliens vs. Predator” »
Last week, a lot of amateurs dragged my good name through the mud. Basically, a handful of loons got on internet forums and felt the need to inaccurately predict the end of the world. And who pays the price? Sports-following clairvoyants like me, that’s who.
And intellectuals. Luckily, last week noted Psychoanalytic scholar Jacques Lacan spread some truth on Manchester United’s record-setting 19th title winning season. Now, we once against seek help from the world of academic all-stars: noted Postmodern educational scholar Paulo Freire gives us a peek at what to expect in the Champions League final. Continue reading “Paulo Freire Predicts the Champions League Final” »
So, I heard there’s a game today. I wouldn’t know. After the Copa del Rey final, I made a resolution to turn off my television and not watch any more games until Benzema hit puberty and Andres Iniesta retired. But I’m horrible at keeping resolutions. And like a fried plantain destined to induce early onset diabetes, I have caved, opened my mouth, and am ready to expel some truth.
First, this game is all about Cristiano Ronaldo vs. Lionel Messi. Don’t let any encyclopedia fool you. There are not 20 other players on the field at the same time. And who really cares about statistics anyway? Twitter-addicts starved for content? Yes. But definitely nobody by that definition blogs in these parts. So play close attention to the number of touches-per-frustrated-facial-and-or-hand-gestures-per-millisecond of both Ronaldo and Messi. If you cannot find a site with such stats at hand, then get out a pen and paper to keep track yourself. Then, after the game, roll up the piece of paper and eat it. Then douse your neck in gasoline and light yourself on fire. Only you must know the truth. Continue reading “El Clasico Preview: Remember What We Forget We Knew” »
…to come true albeit not immediately nor as I predicted.
Real Madrid tied Lyon 1-1 in the first match of this away leg. Slightly better than last year under Manuel Pellegrini. I predict that Madrid will advance after either a 0-0 draw or a victory at home.
But that’s not the prediction you should be worried about. Continue reading “Real Madrid v. Lyon: Predictions You Can Count On…” »
Ahhh vacation, when the neurotic micromanage time into tiny tidbits not long enough to melt 24 hours into eternity. The American vacation, not necessarily synonymous with occupation of a foreign nation, usually revolves around “to do lists”, “guidebooks”, and breakneck walking as we try to see the Eiffel tower, the Mesquite de Cordoba, and the Coliseum all in one day. In sum, we need vacations from our vacation. And that time has come.
My original plans for this Premiership preview were quite simple – I would link to Brian who would link to Fredo. Last year, SIATS blew everybody’s collective mind by accurately predicting to the tenth degree every single Premiership fixture and 75% of the Cup thinger-ma-jigger-whatever(s). It was as if Nostradamus had broken the outer lens of the the Hubble telescope, turned it into a peace pipe, and graciously passed around some of that knowledge.
Alas, I am afraid it appears Bedorarrci has drugged the protagonist and I must carry Frodo to the promised land. With help from Kate Perry of course. So here you have it – a Premiership preview in terms of vapid pop songs that plagued the airwaves in the US of A. Or, alternatively, “how to improve mobility and decrease risk of cardiovascular illness your next stay-cation.” Vamos. Continue reading “Primping & Preening Premiership Preview” »
The typical suspects have overcome group stage difficulties to rise to the top. However, no smoking gun has appeared to point out the single culprit most likely to win the tournament. Using a really big magnifying glass, a trench coat, a smart talking sidekick, and intuition, we embarked on an investigation of the remaining teams in this World Cup quarterfinals, searching for clues in a sea of uncertainty. Our conclusion as to who will win the World Cup?
All signs point to…. Continue reading “World Cup Quarters – "& Then There Were 8"” »
I went 11 for 16 on my last round of predictions (if you include the prediction I refused to put on paper: US wins the group, England comes in second…you’ll just have to trust me), which kind of sucks to be honest. But since I’m playing pundit, absolute past failure will have no impact on my ability to predict future trends. Being a pundit is great! Continue reading “Part 2 of My Moderately Accurate Predictions” »
Only with Real Madrid could this happen. The merengues shadow has cast darkness on this Champion’s League final, and not just because of the Bernabeu. True, Robben and Wesley were cast off this past summer in haste, making way for the trophy less cache of big name signings. And yes, we could reflect on the pupil-master dynamics of Mourinho and Van Gaal.
We could resurrect the Mourinho as “dark lord,” a tactician who will win at all costs. But that leads to the next question – where will Mourinho be next summer? Continue reading “Inter vs. Bayern Munich vs. Madrid Preview” »
